by Gladys Diaz
One of the most common complaints we hear from single women is that dating is “hard.” Ask a couple what it takes to make a relationship work, and you’ll hear that it takes “hard work.” Whenever we perceive that a task is going to be difficult to achieve, there will automatically be some form of resistance present: procrastination, pessimism, and a lack of energy and vitality.
This is why some single women avoid going out or exploring online dating. It’s easier to stay in the comfort of our homes, where it feels safe and we don’t have to risk feeling disappointed.
It’s also why some couples never make a move toward making the commitment to get married.
And it’s why some couples will endure years of misery – or at the very least, a lack of fulfillment and satisfaction – in their marriages.
When taking the steps toward creating a loving, passionate, lifelong relationship occurs as “hard” and difficult, it just seems easier to settle for (and complain about) the status quo.
But what if dating and relationships didn’t have to be hard? What if they could be fun and fulfilling, instead?
Let’s talk about dating first. One of the main reasons dating can seem scary and difficult for some women is the fact that:
Men got out on dates, and women go out on relationships.
Even before they go on the very first date, many women are already wondering and imagining whether the guy is their “Mr. Right-for-Me.” So much weight is placed on whether or not this date – the first date, by the way – is going to lead to a relationship that the women are rarely ever present on the actual date.
If the date is going well, she’s envisioning meeting his friends and family. If he mentions that he likes kids, she’s imagining their big, happy family. If he says that he’s going skiing on vacation, she’s already imagining the color of the cute ski suit she is going to wear on the trip when he invites her to go (which he hasn’t). If he orders a second glass of wine, she begins to wonder if he has a drinking problem and whether or not she can deal with being married to an alcoholic. And this is just the first date! He hasn’t even brought up going out together again!
So, what are some easy ways to make dating more FUN?
- Be quiet. Rather than filling the space or silent pauses with nervous chatter, focus on him and what he is sharing in the conversation. The only way to know whether you would like to go out with him again is to actually listen to what he’s telling you about himself. Now, you don’t want to sit there like a mime, but do make an effort to listen and learn more about him during the date.
- Be yourself. You don’t have to “wow” him, like you would on an interview or an audition. You already made the first cut when he chose to ask you out. Now it’s his turn to let you see why you might want to choose to go out with him again.
- Be present. The key to making dates fun is to actually be on the date. Pay attention to what you are doing. Notice the sights and sounds around you. Savor and enjoy the food you’re eating. Try to avoid fast-forwarding into the future or rewinding to the past. Just be on the date.
- Be grateful. If a guy is treating you to a great evening and you’re enjoying yourself, by all means, let him know. Don’t think that he’ll expect anything from you in return. The pleasure of your company is more than enough! But do let him know that you enjoyed the food, the music, the art, or whatever it was that you did together. And if things didn’t go as desirably as you had hoped, be grateful anyway and appreciate the effort he made to try to please you.
These are just a few dating tips that will help you begin to really enjoy going out and getting to know different men. We’ll be covering even more tips in the talk we’ll be presenting at HeartCamp titled, “Relationship FUNdamentals,” where you’ll learn what both men and women can do to make dating and relationships more fun! If you’re in the Miami area on February 2nd, you won’t want to miss it!
Remember, each date is an opportunity to experience something new and exciting. Don’t cheat yourself out of having a great time. Even a not-so-perfect-date lasts only a few hours long. You’ll survive! Just do all you can to find the fun in each situation and allow yourself to experience it!
In my next blog post, I’ll be sharing tips for making relationships FUN!
Questions? Comments? Let us know! We love hearing from you!
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