“If he was the right guy for me, he would know…”
“If we were meant to be, I wouldn’t have to say…”
“We’ve been together long enough that he should know…”
These are some of the more common comments I hear from both single women and those in who are married or in relationships. For some reason, many woman associate being with the right man with his physic powers to just know what it is that she wants, is feeling, or prefers. Perhaps it comes from the fairy-tale belief that when things are meant to be, great things just happen, people just know, and there is very little that has to be said or done to make a relationship work.
The problem is that fairy tales are make believe! There isn’t a single great relationship on the planet that has “just happened,” without some type of effort, commitment, and the willingness to let the other person know what it is one likes, wants, feels and prefers!
In fact, not letting a man know what you desire is an almost sure-fire recipe for creating a lose-lose pattern in a relationship!
Setting Up a Win-Win Relationship
Whether you are just getting to know a man or you are already in a committed relationship with him, one of the ways to set up a win-win relationship is to share with him the things that you desire. Many of us shy away from this because we’ve been taught that saying what we want has us come across as selfish or “high-maintenance.” So, we go through life not having the things we want, which leads us to feeling unfulfilled, unhappy, and with a rather lackluster life! Another thing it can lead to is resentment when we begin to blame others, including the man in our life, for not having the things we want – even though there is no way they could nave know — unless we told them!
I have seen this happen many times, even before the first date takes place. A man will ask a woman out and then ask her what she’d like to do. Her response, “Oh, I don’t know. Whatever you choose is fine.” That is simply crazy! There are millions of possibilities for where a couple can go and what they can do on a first date. This man doesn’t know you yet and has no way of knowing whether you’d prefer seafood, dancing, skydiving, or going to a jazz concert. Even if your online dating profile indicates some of the things you like to do, he still would not know which of these would make a great first date with you, until you tell him what you would like! So, not being clear about some of the things you’d enjoy doing doesn’t really set him up to win on the first date and could lead to you mistakenly thinking he isn’t right for you if he doesn’t happen to guess correctly!
As the relationship progresses and you get to know one another better, it’s easy to fall into the trap that he should know what you want and like. However, it’s still important to let a man know what you like and prefer. Why? First of all, there is always something new to be discovered about the person you are with, even if you’ve been together for years. More importantly, however, the more a man cares for you, the more essential it is for to him to know that he is able to please you and that he has something to do with the smile on your face! That’s why it’s important that you let him know what you like, what you want, what you don’t want, and what would make you happy.
Telling Him What You Want is NOT Telling Him What to Do
Now, this doesn’t mean you are telling him what to do. That’s a completely different conversation, and one that won’t likely end happily, because men don’t want to be told what to do anymore than we do. Telling a man what you want and prefer is simply giving him information that sets him up to win. He still gets to choose whether he wants to buy you the red dress you saw in the store window, take you to have sushi instead of Italian food, or move to a bigger house that is closer to your family. And, while he has that choice and it’s important to respect and honor it, the great thing about men is that pleasing us is so important to them that, if they are good guys and there is a way for them to do it, they will usually go out of their way to please us.
That’s why letting him know what we want sets us both up to win in dating and relationships!
If you’d like to learn more about how to express your desires in a way that inspires a man, join us for our Relationship Coaching calls and webinars! We offer bi-weekly calls for ladies who are single, married, or in relationships, as well as a monthly relationship skill-building webinar. Click here to check out the different packages we offer!
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