{"id":1146,"date":"2012-12-07T18:21:09","date_gmt":"2012-12-07T22:21:09","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/heartsdesireintl.wordpress.com\/?p=1146"},"modified":"2012-12-07T18:21:09","modified_gmt":"2012-12-07T22:21:09","slug":"reality-check-more-love-lessons-learned-from-the-real-housewives-of-miami","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/heartsdesireintl.com\/home\/reality-check-more-love-lessons-learned-from-the-real-housewives-of-miami\/","title":{"rendered":"“Reality” Check: More Love Lessons Learned from The Real Housewives of Miami"},"content":{"rendered":"

by Gladys Diaz<\/span><\/p>\n

\"Sad<\/a><\/p>\n

To say that last night\u2019s episode of The Real Housewives of Miami<\/i><\/a> was difficult to watch would be an incredible understatement<\/i>.\u00a0 I don\u2019t know what was worse: Knowing that Karent<\/a>\u2019s heart was about to be broken on national TV, that some of the women might enjoy seeing this happen, or that Lea<\/a> and Lisa<\/a> were advising her to give Rodolfo an ultimatum and give him a time limit on how long she was going to wait for him to decide whether or not he wanted to marry and have kids with her.<\/p>\n

As I mentioned in the previous \u201c\u2019Reality\u2019 Check<\/a>\u201d blog post, giving ultimatums, making demands, or trying to somehow guilt or manipulate a man into doing something is a waste of time, energy, and puts all of the power regarding the relationship \u201cover there,\u201d with him.
\n
\nKarent has been clear about the fact that she wants to get married and have children. She\u2019s mentioned it to Rodolfo several times on the show, so we can assume there have been other conversations about it. However, the only<\/i><\/b> person who can decide how long she is willing to wait for her <\/i>to make the decision is Karent.\u00a0 While she would like Rodolfo to be the one with whom she will share her life, he\u2019s not the one who is responsible for her being in a relationship that is not heading in that direction.<\/p>\n

By the way, displacement of responsibility is not a Karent-only phenomenon.\u00a0 We\u2019ve all done it at some point: put someone else on the hook for a choice we either wanted or didn\u2019t want to make.\u00a0 The thing about giving ultimatums is that you put the responsibility for your<\/i> life, your<\/i> happiness, and your<\/i> ability to create the life and love you desire in somebody else\u2019s hands<\/i>.<\/p>\n

When it comes to deciding when it\u2019s time to end a dead-end relationship or a \u201cperpetual dating\u201d relationship (one where you\u2019re together, but it doesn\u2019t seem to be going anywhere), you <\/i><\/b>have to be clear about (1) what you want to experience in the relationship; (2) how long you <\/i><\/b>are willing to wait.\u00a0 This doesn\u2019t mean that you would never share with your boyfriend what it is that you want. \u00a0Quite the contrary! \u00a0The part you want to leave out, however, is the one that requires him <\/i>to make the decision. So, how do you do that?<\/p>\n

1. Share what you want simply and purely<\/i>.<\/strong><\/h3>\n

So, if what you want, in order to feel happy and fulfilled in a relationship is to be married, that\u2019s <\/i>what you say: \u201cFor me to be happy and fulfilled, I want to be married.\u201d <\/i>That\u2019s it<\/b>. The problem is that we add on all the reason why this is important, we tell him we feel like our biological clock is ticking, we try to \u201cguilt\u201d him into seeing how much it hurts us that he hasn\u2019t asked us to be married.\u00a0 And some women even go so far as to propose to the man, just to make sure<\/i> they get what they want, even though, what they really <\/i>want is for him <\/i>to want<\/i><\/b> to marry them.\u00a0 However, they cheat themselves out of ever really <\/i>knowing if that\u2019s what he wants, because, even if he says \u201cYes,\u201d<\/i> they\u2019ll never know if he would have ever proposed on his own.<\/p>\n

2. Don\u2019t expect him to say or do anything after you share your desires.<\/h3>\n

After you let him know that what you want is to be married, let it go.\u00a0 You\u2019ve told him what you want.\u00a0 If you said it only <\/i>to see whether he would agree, ask you to marry him on the spot, or to get any type of affirmation or reaction, the only thing you succeeded in doing was \u201cbeing strategic.\u201d\u00a0 When we say or do something in order to get someone to do or say something in response, we are being controlling and manipulative \u2013 neither of which promotes intimacy.<\/p>\n

3. Don\u2019t make this a \u201cbreak-up” conversation.<\/h3>\n

This conversation is not an ultimatum, so make sure you avoid making it sound like \u201cUnless you propose, I\u2019m breaking up with you.\u201d<\/i>\u00a0 This is just about you honoring and expressing your desire to be married.\u00a0 While you may already know how much longer you are willing to wait (and you don\u2019t have to), this wouldn\u2019t be something you would share during this particular conversation.\u00a0 You <\/i><\/b>are the one who gets to choose how much longer you will wait, so keep the conversation as light and drama-free as possible.\u00a0 Don\u2019t have it during an argument, don\u2019t start crying or yelling.\u00a0 Say it as simply as you would say, \u201cFor me to feel rested, I like to have 8 hours of sleep,\u201d<\/i>\u00a0 or \u201cFor me to feel relaxed, I like to do all of my chores before laying down on the couch.\u201d<\/i>\u00a0 No one else is responsible for the amount of sleep you get (unless you have a newborn!) or whether or not you finish your chores before or after laying down on the couch.\u00a0 You are.\u00a0 And it\u2019s doesn\u2019t have to be a \u201cheavy,\u201d \u201csignificant,\u201d or \u201cserious\u201d\u00a0 serious conversation (Please, <\/i><\/b>whatever you do, don\u2019t preface what you are going to say with, \u201cWe need to talk.\u201d <\/i>That\u2019s like the Kiss of Death for having a conversation with a man!). This is just about you sharing what you want.<\/p>\n

So, get clear about what you want, share it purely, and then let it go.\u00a0 Resist the temptation to do or say anything that will have you \u201cforcing\u201d or making something happen.\u00a0 Remember, you won\u2019t have to manipulate, trick or strong-arm the man of your dreams to be with you.\u00a0 He won\u2019t be able to get enough of you!\u00a0 By just sharing what you want simply and purely, you release him from any \u201cobligations\u201d or guilt, and you avoid cheating yourself out of knowing that he wants <\/i>to spend the rest of his life with you<\/i>.<\/p>\n

Next week\u2019s episode looks like it\u2019s going to be even tougher to watch.\u00a0 I\u2019m interested in seeing just how supportive Karent\u2019s \u201cfriends\u201d are while she\u2019s coming to terms with everything she\u2019s learning.\u00a0 No matter how strong, positive, or wealthy you are, a heartache hurts, and I hope that the ladies will put their differences, cattiness, and agendas aside long enough to at least extend some compassion and understanding\u00a0 to Karent.\u00a0 Because, I agree with Adriana on this one: This is the kind of experience \u2013 regardless of the love lessons that can be learned \u2013 that I wouldn\u2019t wish on my worst enemy!<\/p>\n

Comments or questions?\u00a0 Share them below!\u00a0 We love hearing from you!<\/p>\n

Image courtesy of marin<\/a> via FreeDigitalPhotos.net<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

by Gladys Diaz To say that last night\u2019s episode of The Real Housewives of Miami was difficult to watch would be an incredible understatement.\u00a0 I don\u2019t know what was worse: Knowing that Karent\u2019s heart was about to be broken on national TV, that some of the women might enjoy seeing this happen, or that Lea […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[6,9,13,16,17,21,22,23],"tags":[31,42,47,63,68,70,83,88,90,105],"class_list":["post-1146","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-dating-2","category-hdi-blog","category-intimacy-2","category-love-2","category-marriage","category-relationship","category-relationship-advice","category-romance","tag-advice","tag-communication","tag-dating","tag-intimacy","tag-love","tag-marriage-2","tag-real-housewives-of-miami","tag-relationships","tag-romance-2","tag-women"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/heartsdesireintl.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1146","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/heartsdesireintl.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/heartsdesireintl.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/heartsdesireintl.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/heartsdesireintl.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1146"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/heartsdesireintl.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1146\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/heartsdesireintl.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1146"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/heartsdesireintl.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1146"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/heartsdesireintl.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1146"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}