{"id":1734,"date":"2013-01-14T23:50:23","date_gmt":"2013-01-15T04:50:23","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/heartsdesireintl.com\/?p=1734"},"modified":"2013-01-14T23:50:23","modified_gmt":"2013-01-15T04:50:23","slug":"enjoying-the-present-moment-in-dating-and-relationships","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/heartsdesireintl.com\/home\/enjoying-the-present-moment-in-dating-and-relationships\/","title":{"rendered":"Enjoying the Present Moment in Dating and Relationships"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"couple<\/a>One of the hardest things for me to do when I first started dating my husband was to stay present<\/i>.\u00a0 See, from the very beginning I was really attracted to him and I felt as if I had known him my whole life. \u00a0It just felt so easy to be myself with him.<\/p>\n

This doesn\u2019t mean that I wasn\u2019t scared out of my mind, however.\u00a0 When I met my husband, I had been widowed for a little under a year.\u00a0 I had no intention of meeting anyone that night, and I certainly did not expect to meet the man I would marry a year later!\u00a0 I was unsure of myself, still healing from my loss, and positive that I would never really<\/i> ever fall in love again.<\/p>\n

And then life pleasantly surprised me!<\/p>\n

As soon as we started talking, I felt he was someone I didn\u2019t have to pretend with. He was so \u201creal.\u201d He didn\u2019t seem to be trying to impress me (although he was), and we talked and talked about everything!\u00a0 Our first phone conversation lasted 7 hours!<\/p>\n

And, even though things seemed to be going well, I was still terrified.\u00a0 He\u2019d say something that would give me hope that maybe he was someone I could fall in love with again.\u00a0 Before you knew it, I was standing on a beach in an ivory-colored dress, declaring my love to him forever.<\/p>\n

Or he\u2019d say something that I didn\u2019t like.\u00a0 And, all of a sudden, I would flash back into the past and remember an argument I\u2019d had with my late husband or something that happened in my past that I did not <\/i>want to repeat!\u00a0 Each time I fast-forwarded into the future or I hit the rewind button and blasted back into the past I was cheating myself out of experiencing and relishing in the present moment.<\/p>\n

What I didn\u2019t know then is how common this is among women. We are so afraid of \u201cwasting our time,\u201d getting hurt, or not ever finding the man who\u2019s right for us, that we spend almost all of our time rewinding into the past (and comparing what\u2019s happening not to it) or fast-forwarding to a future we have no way of knowing will come to pass.<\/p>\n

And, all the while, we\u2019re missing what\u2019s actually happening here and now.\u00a0 We may either be ignoring the red flags that are warning us this isn\u2019t the guy for us, or not paying attention to all of the ways that he is showing us that he may possibly be the right guy.\u00a0 In short, we cheat ourselves out of experiencing what is happening here and now, in the present.<\/p>\n

So, what can women do to stay in the present moment when dating?<\/p>\n

    \n
  1. Avoid asking questions and having conversations that are premature in nature.<\/b>\u00a0 Many times, in our effort get reassurance from a man regarding of where the relationship is going and whether he\u2019s \u201ca keeper,\u201d a woman will prematurely ask questions such as whether he plans to marry (or re-marry), have children (or more children), what his financial status is, and, later, where he thinks the relationship is headed. All of these things are important to know.\u00a0 However, they\u2019re not the types of questions that necessarily need to be discussed on the first few dates.\u00a0 Similarly, asking him how he feels about you or whether he sees a future for the two of you, while obviously something you want to know, especially if you\u2019ve been dating for a while, are conversations that are much more meaningful when they occur naturally in the course of going out together.<\/li>\n
  2. Check in with ourselves to see how you are feeling when you\u2019re with him.<\/b> Rather than spending time wondering if he likes you, if he\u2019s going to call, or if he\u2019ll ask you out again, focus on how you\u2019re<\/strong><\/em> feeling during the date.\u00a0 Do you<\/i><\/b> like what you\u2019re learning about him? Do you <\/i><\/b>want to speak with him again? Would you <\/i><\/b>like to go out with him again?\u00a0 Are you <\/i><\/b>having a good time? Focusing on what\u2019s going on inside of you will help you stay present-minded.<\/li>\n
  3. Allow yourself to enjoy each stage of the relationship. <\/b>Rather than trying to rush things to the next stage, allow the relationship to go at its own pace.\u00a0 Too many times, for example, women rush into having sex in an effort to make the relationship more intimate than they are at the time.\u00a0 Wondering and focusing on where the relationship is going can keep you from enjoying and appreciating what is happening right now. Instead, relax and relish in each moment you create and share together.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    When we allow the relationship to unfold naturally, without trying to get him to tell us where he feels the relationship is headed or worrying about what he\u2019s thinking or planning, we give ourselves permission to just be<\/strong>.\u00a0 Staying focused on the present moment, allows us to enjoy every step of the way toward creating the loving, tender, passionate relationship our hearts truly desire.<\/p>\n

    For a more in-depth conversation on what you can do to stay present, join the Intimacy Skills Training for Single Ladies<\/a> on Tuesday, January 15th<\/sup>, at 9:00 p.m. EST\/6:00 p.m. PST.<\/p>\n

    Questions? Comments? Let us know below! We love hearing from you!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    One of the hardest things for me to do when I first started dating my husband was to stay present.\u00a0 See, from the very beginning I was really attracted to him and I felt as if I had known him my whole life. \u00a0It just felt so easy to be myself with him. This doesn\u2019t […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[6,9,13,16,17,22,23],"tags":[57,63,68,70,87,90,105],"class_list":["post-1734","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-dating-2","category-hdi-blog","category-intimacy-2","category-love-2","category-marriage","category-relationship-advice","category-romance","tag-hearts-desire-international","tag-intimacy","tag-love","tag-marriage-2","tag-relationship-advice-2","tag-romance-2","tag-women"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/heartsdesireintl.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1734","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/heartsdesireintl.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/heartsdesireintl.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/heartsdesireintl.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/heartsdesireintl.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1734"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/heartsdesireintl.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1734\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/heartsdesireintl.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1734"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/heartsdesireintl.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1734"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/heartsdesireintl.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1734"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}