{"id":1741,"date":"2013-01-18T11:15:49","date_gmt":"2013-01-18T16:15:49","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/heartsdesireintl.com\/?p=1741"},"modified":"2013-01-18T11:15:49","modified_gmt":"2013-01-18T16:15:49","slug":"love-is-not-about-perfection","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/heartsdesireintl.com\/home\/love-is-not-about-perfection\/","title":{"rendered":"Love is NOT About Perfection"},"content":{"rendered":"

by Gladys Diaz<\/span><\/p>\n

\"Imperfect<\/a><\/p>\n

As a dating and relationship coach, I make a conscious effort every day to practice what I teach in my workshops, write about in my blog, and work through with my clients.\u00a0 It\u2019s a daily commitment I\u2019ve made to myself, my husband, and the women who depend on me to help them through some of the most difficult moments of their lives.<\/p>\n

I remember when I first started making changes.\u00a0 Many times I felt mentally exhausted<\/i>!\u00a0 It was as if I had to stop myself from completing a sentence repeatedly<\/i>, because what I was about to say was condescending and disrespectful to my husband.\u00a0 I would have to really stop and think before saying something to make sure I wasn\u2019t being manipulative or trying to get my way by using guilt, ultimatums, or demands, which were my preferred methods of making sure I got what I wanted.\u00a0 And I had to be hyper-vigilant about looking for reasons to express my gratitude or admiration to because I\u2019d previously spent so much time focusing on what my husband wasn\u2019t doing right or not \u201cright enough.\u201d<\/p>\n

There were times when I wondered whether making all of these changes was worth the effort and whether he was even noticing the changes I was trying so hard to make.\u00a0 Part of me wanted to ask him, \u201cHey, have you noticed how nice I\u2019m being to you now?\u201d <\/i>or \u201cDid you see how I supported your decision, without giving you the 10 reasons that were in my head regarding how it just wouldn\u2019t work?\u201d <\/i>or \u201cCould you just throw me a bone and say something that lets me know you\u2019re noticing that I\u2019m really trying to make this work?\u201d<\/i><\/p>\n

I\u2019m human, and my humanity was craving some acknowledgement or affirmation that the changes I was making were being noticed\u2026 and that they were working.\u00a0 But I didn\u2019t say any of those things.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t want his acknowledgment unless it came from him<\/i> without it being coerced.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t want to sabotage my efforts by announcing all of the incredible the changes I was making, because I also knew there were moments when I slipped back into past patterns and behaviors.<\/p>\n

So I just kept changing \u2013 choosing to change \u2013 day after day.\u00a0 And it became easier.\u00a0 And I began to realize that, while I really wanted to take my marriage to a new level, I was making all of these changes for me<\/i><\/b>.\u00a0 So, it really didn\u2019t matter if he noticed or said anything.\u00a0 I was changing, growing, becoming more peaceful. And, to me<\/i><\/b>, it was worth all of the effort.<\/p>\n

Today I can honestly say that I rarely feel that mental exhaustion of having to think about what I am going to say or do ten times before I actually speak or act.\u00a0 I can say that respect flows much more easily from my mind to my mouth. And I can say that I have the type of marriage I always dreamed of \u2013 Actually, it\u2019s even better<\/i> than I imagined it could be!<\/p>\n

And I also have to say that I\u2019m not \u201cperfect.\u201d There are days when I tell him what he should do or say to someone at work, rather than trusting that he\u2019s capable enough to handle the situation himself. There are times when I frantically go to from store to store looking for the shirt I think he\u2019s not going to go buy, instead of trusting that he can handle it himself. \u00a0There are nights when I snap at him if I\u2019m overly tired and haven\u2019t practiced good self-care that day (or in several days). There are moments when I just want my own way, and I get it, not thinking about whether it\u2019s worth the intimacy it is going to cost me.<\/p>\n

Nope. I\u2019m not perfect by any means.<\/p>\n

The good news is that having a happy marriage is NOT<\/span> about perfection.\u00a0 Thank goodness, right?<\/p>\n

It\u2019s not about always<\/i> saying and doing the \u201cright\u201d things. It\u2019s not about never<\/i> making a mistake.\u00a0 It\u2019s not about always<\/i> having the right answers. It\u2019s not about never<\/i> having to apologize.\u00a0 In fact, I\u2019ve found that it\u2019s quite the opposite.<\/p>\n

Having a great marriage is about being willing to admit that you were wrong when you did <\/i>make a mistake.\u00a0 It\u2019s about being humble enough to ask for and<\/i> being gracious enough to grant forgiveness.\u00a0 It\u2019s about knowing that this love journey is being carried out by two imperfect<\/i> individuals who are doing everything we can to try to get it \u201cright\u201d \u2013 to love and be loved, to be accepting of and accepted by one another.<\/p>\n

And sometimes we do<\/i> get it right \u2013 and it\u2019s bliss! And other times we don\u2019t \u2013 and that\u2019s life. But as imperfect as we are, we recognize and love the fact that we are absolutely perfect<\/i> for one another.<\/p>\n

And that\u2019s what makes the love journey worthwhile!<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Comments? Questions? Let us know below! We love hearing from you!<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Photo credit: Ellipsis-Imagery<\/a> via photopin.com<\/a> cc<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

by Gladys Diaz As a dating and relationship coach, I make a conscious effort every day to practice what I teach in my workshops, write about in my blog, and work through with my clients.\u00a0 It\u2019s a daily commitment I\u2019ve made to myself, my husband, and the women who depend on me to help them […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[6,9,13,16,17,22,23],"tags":[42,47,57,63,68,70,87,90],"class_list":["post-1741","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-dating-2","category-hdi-blog","category-intimacy-2","category-love-2","category-marriage","category-relationship-advice","category-romance","tag-communication","tag-dating","tag-hearts-desire-international","tag-intimacy","tag-love","tag-marriage-2","tag-relationship-advice-2","tag-romance-2"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/heartsdesireintl.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1741","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/heartsdesireintl.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/heartsdesireintl.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/heartsdesireintl.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/heartsdesireintl.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1741"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/heartsdesireintl.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1741\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/heartsdesireintl.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1741"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/heartsdesireintl.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1741"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/heartsdesireintl.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1741"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}