{"id":2059,"date":"2013-03-01T17:53:09","date_gmt":"2013-03-01T22:53:09","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/heartsdesireintl.com\/?p=2059"},"modified":"2013-03-01T17:53:09","modified_gmt":"2013-03-01T22:53:09","slug":"listen-with-your-heart","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/heartsdesireintl.com\/home\/listen-with-your-heart\/","title":{"rendered":"Listen with Your Heart"},"content":{"rendered":"

by Gladys Diaz<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0\"listening<\/a><\/p>\n

This week has been somewhat of a challenging one.\u00a0 I could feel that something was \u201coff\u201d in the way my husband and I were communicating and relating, and it bothered me.\u00a0 In the past, when my husband would get quiet or withdrawn, I\u2019d keep badgering him about how we needed to communicate and talk and resolve our issues, even when it was clear that he didn\u2019t want to or wasn\u2019t ready to do that.\u00a0 My incessant nagging didn\u2019t do anything to increase the communication or the intimacy, and would just lead to him getting angry, yelling something at me, which, in turn would have me dive head-first into \u201cvictim mode\u201d and wonder why I ever chose to marry someone who could be so mean!<\/p>\n

The truth is that the reason I wanted to talk about things now<\/i> was because I felt uncomfortable sitting in that space where I couldn\u2019t control when we would talk or know what was going on.\u00a0 I wanted to resolve the problem now <\/i>and have everything be great again.\u00a0 However, badgering him to try to get him to talk to me wasn\u2019t leading to having the type of conversation I wanted to have anyway, so I learned to let go of the need to control and just allow things to unfold naturally.<\/p>\n

When my husband finally did tell me that he wanted to speak to me, I was scared.\u00a0 What was he going to say?\u00a0 Are we okay?\u00a0 What would have him be this quiet and upset?<\/i>\u00a0 Again, I had to breathe, let go, and trust that, even if I didn\u2019t like what he had to say, we were okay and we\u2019d work through it somehow.<\/p>\n

Sometimes we need to listen with our hearts as well as our ears.<\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

Well, I was right.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t particularly like hearing what he had to say.\u00a0 See, as a dating and relationship coach, I really do make every effort to practice what I preach.\u00a0 But that\u2019s not always the case.\u00a0 I make mistakes.\u00a0 I say or do things I shouldn\u2019t and sometimes I don\u2019t say or do the things that I should.\u00a0 I don\u2019t like admitting it, but it\u2019s true.\u00a0 Having a great relationship is not<\/i> about being perfect or always getting it right.\u00a0 It\u2019s also about realizing that we, and therefore, our relationships, are works in progress. So I sat and listened to what he had to say and resisted the urge to defend myself or contradict him.\u00a0 And, as he spoke, I listened for his \u201cheart message.\u201d<\/p>\n

The heart message is the message behind <\/i>the words the person is saying.\u00a0 Sometimes, even behind something that sounds like a complaint or criticism, there is a bigger, more vulnerable message asking to be heard. It would have been easy to only hear the things my husband was saying as complaints about what I was doing \u201cwrong.\u201d\u00a0 However, rather than get upset or defensive, I listened with my heart as well, and the message that came through loud and clear was, \u201cI love you and I\u2019m committed to this marriage being the best it can be.\u201d\u00a0 Listening from that space, I was able to see how blessed I am to be married to a man who is willing to have a conversation about how to make our marriage even better than it already is.\u00a0 It made me feel good to know that I love a man who is not satisfied with having a good marriage, <\/i>because he\u2019s as committed as I am to making it work! And that made it easier for me to see what I could do to bring as much happiness, love and intimacy to our relationship.<\/p>\n

So, the next time your husband or boyfriend \u2013 or anyone else in your life \u2013 comes to you with something that sounds like a complaint or criticism, try to listen with your heart.\u00a0 Listen for the pain, the desire, or the need behind the persons words.\u00a0 And, most importantly, listen for<\/i> the love as you listen in<\/i> love.<\/p>\n

Listening for the heart message is one of the Intimacy Skills we\u2019ll be discussing on the next Relationship Coaching call for Girlfriends and Wives that I lead as part of a program we offer in partnership with Laura Doyle. Click here<\/a> to participate and enjoy the rewards of love, peace, and intimacy these skills can bring to your life.<\/p>\n

Questions? Comments? Let us know below!\u00a0 We love hearing from you!<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Image courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

by Gladys Diaz \u00a0 This week has been somewhat of a challenging one.\u00a0 I could feel that something was \u201coff\u201d in the way my husband and I were communicating and relating, and it bothered me.\u00a0 In the past, when my husband would get quiet or withdrawn, I\u2019d keep badgering him about how we needed to […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[6,13,16,17,22,23],"tags":[42,47,57,63,68,70,87],"class_list":["post-2059","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-dating-2","category-intimacy-2","category-love-2","category-marriage","category-relationship-advice","category-romance","tag-communication","tag-dating","tag-hearts-desire-international","tag-intimacy","tag-love","tag-marriage-2","tag-relationship-advice-2"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/heartsdesireintl.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2059","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/heartsdesireintl.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/heartsdesireintl.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/heartsdesireintl.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/heartsdesireintl.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2059"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/heartsdesireintl.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2059\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/heartsdesireintl.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2059"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/heartsdesireintl.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2059"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/heartsdesireintl.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2059"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}