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<\/a><\/p>\nBeing in a relationship \u2013 especially a new relationship \u2013 can be exciting!\u00a0 It can be really tempting to want to spend every waking moment with a guy who is making you feel special, beautiful and happy!\u00a0 Who can blame us! That feeling of hope and anticipation that maybe <\/i>this could be the one fills us with hope, joy, and all sorts of butterflies in our stomachs!<\/p>\n
Many times, the more we get to know a guy, the more we tend forget about ourselves, the things we love to do, and the people who have been there for us before he stepped into our lives.\u00a0 It\u2019s not uncommon for women to begin canceling lunch dates with friends, spending less time with family, and even stop participating in some of the activities they used to do before they started dating a new guy.\u00a0 We stay up until all hours of the night on the phone or out on a date, stop exercising, and sometimes we even forget to eat!<\/p>\n
It\u2019s no wonder that when I ask women what one of their biggest fears is when it comes to dating, marriage, and relationships, one of the top answers is, \u201cI\u2019m afraid of losing myself in the relationship.\u201d<\/i><\/p>\n
While all of this is perfectly natural, it\u2019s important that we remember to keep our lives, even though he\u2019s in it!\u00a0 Why?\u00a0 Well, just ask some of the women in your life who have been in a relationship or marriage for a while and who didn\u2019t<\/i> do this.\u00a0 They will let you know how unhappy and unfulfilling it can be to forget about yourself and who you are once you\u2019re in a relationship.<\/p>\n
I know this to be true, because it happened to me.\u00a0 It took me 7 years \u2013 and getting over a lot of guilt and resentment \u2013 to begin to find myself again!<\/p>\n
Losing and Finding Myself Again<\/strong><\/p>\n I don\u2019t even know how it happened.\u00a0 It\u2019s not like my husband \u2013 then-boyfriend \u2013 ever asked<\/i> me to stop singing, exercising, or going out with my girlfriends.\u00a0 It\u2019s not like he said I shouldn\u2019t <\/i>go to church or take courses I was interested in.\u00a0 He never once even mentioned anything like this.\u00a0 However, I gradually stopped doing the things that I enjoyed \u2013 the thing that made me ME<\/i><\/b>, and, after a few years I was so full of resentment that I misdirected toward my husband.\u00a0 Truth be told, I was angry at myself and wasn\u2019t sure what I could do to change the habits I\u2019d created over the years.<\/p>\n Little by little, I began practicing more self-care and doing the things I<\/i><\/b> enjoyed again.\u00a0 I started taking courses, starting my spiritual practices, and going out with my girlfriends again.\u00a0 I began taking time to get my hair done at a time that worked for me<\/i>, and, slowly, but surely, I began to feel like me <\/i><\/b>again!<\/p>\n Now, it took some time for us \u2013 both my husband and me \u2013 to get used me taking and making time for me.\u00a0 I did struggle at times with guilt about not spending time with my husband and kids.\u00a0 However, the happier and more fulfilled I became, the more encouraging he became and the easier it was!<\/p>\n So, what are some of the things you can do to avoid losing yourself in a relationship?<\/p>\n 1. Focus on you.<\/strong>\u00a0 I know it seems counter-intuitive in a relationship, but the more you focus on making yourself happy, the better your relationship will be! It’s okay to spend some time apart. And he’ll love the idea of you being happy and having fun, even if he has to wait to see you.<\/p>\n 2. Nourish other relationships.<\/strong>\u00a0 It’s easy to want to spend a lot of time with the man you love.\u00a0 However, don’t forget all the people who were there for you through the good times and bad, while he was finding his way to you!\u00a0 Spend time with your family and friends, even if he doesn’t come along.<\/p>\n 3. Give him space to keep his life, too.\u00a0<\/strong> I know it’s hard to believe, but he also had a life before you, so it’s likely he’ll have things he likes to do, friends and family he wants to spend time with, and times he’ll want to be alone.\u00a0 Avoid the temptation to feel jealous or try to guilt him into spending time with you.\u00a0 Feeling like he has the space to be himself will make him feel happy, too (Plus, he’ll be the envy of all of his friends whose girlfriends\/wives are calling, texting, and giving them hard time while they’re hanging out with him!)<\/p>\n The more you take time to do the things you enjoy, that make you feel peaceful and allow you to express yourself and be you, the better girlfriend, wife, and parent you will be.\u00a0 Why? Because you can\u2019t be peaceful, loving, and patient if you\u2019re feeling frazzled, resentful, and depleted!\u00a0 By keeping your life even though he\u2019s in it, you will be replenishing your mind, body, and spirit regularly, which is a critical ingredient for creating an intimate and happy relationship!<\/p>\n Questions? Comments?\u00a0 Let us know below!\u00a0 We love hearing from you!<\/p>\n Want to learn more about how to not lose yourself in a relationship?\u00a0 Then join us on Tuesdays, for our Relationship Coaching Calls<\/a>, offered by Heart’s Desire International and Laura Doyle. We have separate calls for single ladies and those who are girlfriends and wives. Each bi-weekly call focuses on a different relationship and intimacy skill that will lead to you experiencing the relationship your heart desires!<\/p>\n