{"id":2433,"date":"2013-06-27T16:59:06","date_gmt":"2013-06-27T21:59:06","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/heartsdesireintl.com\/?p=2433"},"modified":"2013-06-27T16:59:06","modified_gmt":"2013-06-27T21:59:06","slug":"how-to-know-what-you-want-in-a-relationship","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/heartsdesireintl.com\/home\/how-to-know-what-you-want-in-a-relationship\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Know What You Want in a Relationship"},"content":{"rendered":"

by Gladys Diaz<\/span><\/p>\n

\"thinking<\/a><\/p>\n

How do we know what we are looking for in a relationship? Especially me, who had short lived relationship of 3 \u00bd months, how do I change? I know everyone tells me that it\u2019s not me but it\u2019s hard to believe it\u2019s not me. They tell me I shouldn\u2019t change for someone but I would think I would have to, because if I couldn\u2019t make this short relationship work for only 3.5 months how will I ever have a lasting long term one? <\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

The last serious relationship I had before this short one was over ten years ago and I caught him cheating and after that I just concentrated on my son getting him through high school and college so now I need to figure how to live and find someone I can offer something to God willing?<\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

I can hear that you are frustrated and that you really do want to be in a relationship.\u00a0 I also hear that you’re not exactly sure what it is that you want to experience in a relationship.<\/p>\n

I agree with your friends that you shouldn\u2019t have to change who you are in order for someone to love you, because you \u2013 the essence of who you are \u2013 is who you want someone to fall in love with. <\/b><\/p>\n

There are, however, thoughts, behaviors, and patterns that don\u2019t serve us or stop us from having what it is that we want to experience, that we may need to change.\u00a0 The first step, however, is to address the question at the beginning of your email: How do we know what we are looking for in a relationship?<\/i><\/p>\n

You mention having had your heart broken twice \u2013 once as a result of a betrayal, and the other after your last relationship. Having your heart broken is never easy, and it can seem even more painful when the heartache is due to someone betraying the trust we placed in them.\u00a0 I\u2019ve also found that it\u2019s not uncommon for women to focus on other things \u2013 their children, their careers, their hobbies and interests \u2013 as a way to avoid the possibility of having to experience that sort of heartache again.<\/p>\n

The problem is that, if what your heart truly desires is to be in a relationship, even if you find pleasure and satisfaction in the other things you are focusing on, part of you may always feel unfulfilled, because you are not honoring that desire.<\/b>\u00a0 The only way to truly feel fulfilled is to honor our truth and to be willing to take a risk \u2013 yes, even one that involves potential heartache \u2013 in order to experience what we truly want.<\/p>\n

You ask how you can truly know what you want in a relationship.\u00a0 Many times, women will begin to list what it is they want to find in a man or the type of man with whom they want to be in a relationship. \u00a0However, the love and happiness we seek will never be found in another person.<\/b>\u00a0 That\u2019s way too much responsibility and pressure to put on another human being who is already <\/i>dealing with being responsible for his own happiness.\u00a0 Instead, what you want to focus on is how you want to feel <\/i>within that relationship.\u00a0 What is the type of experience you\u2019d like to have?<\/p>\n

When you think about or envision yourself being in a “happy relationship,” what does that mean<\/i>?\u00a0 <\/b><\/p>\n

What does it feel<\/i> like?\u00a0<\/strong> What are the emotions you feel that let you know that you know that you know that this is <\/i>it?<\/p>\n

What does it look<\/i> like?<\/strong>\u00a0 How do you relate to one another?\u00a0 What are the things you do that let both<\/i> of you know that you are exactly where you\u2019ve always dreamed you\u2019d be inside of a relationship?<\/p>\n

What does it sound<\/i> like?\u00a0<\/strong> What are the words that you speak and say to one another?\u00a0 How <\/i>do you speak to one another?\u00a0 What\u2019s the experience of speaking and being heard by one another like?<\/p>\n

Really try to envision yourself in the type of relationship you dream of being in.\u00a0 <\/b><\/p>\n

If you\u2019re still not sure of what that dream relationship would be like, picture couples who you consider to be happy together.\u00a0 What do you notice when you observe them?\u00a0 What makes it seem like theirs is a good relationship?<\/p>\n

Don\u2019t rush to answer.\u00a0 Give it some thought.\u00a0 Many of us have not asked ourselves these types of questions, because we\u2019re so focused on meeting him<\/i> and on how he<\/i> needs to look, be, and act that we don\u2019t always think about what it is we\u2019d like to create with him<\/i> \u2013 whoever he is \u2013 once we attract him into our lives.<\/p>\n

So, take your time, allow yourself to dream big, and then begin to live and be <\/i><\/b>the qualities you\u2019d like to see in your dream relationship so that you can attract someone who also <\/i>wants to create that with you!<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Comments?\u00a0 Questions?\u00a0 Let us know below! We love hearing from you!<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Image courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

by Gladys Diaz How do we know what we are looking for in a relationship? Especially me, who had short lived relationship of 3 \u00bd months, how do I change? I know everyone tells me that it\u2019s not me but it\u2019s hard to believe it\u2019s not me. They tell me I shouldn\u2019t change for someone […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[6,9,10,11,12,16,17,22],"tags":[39,47,56,57,58,59,68,87,97,105],"class_list":["post-2433","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-dating-2","category-hdi-blog","category-hearts-desire-international","category-heartache","category-infidelity","category-love-2","category-marriage","category-relationship-advice","tag-cheating","tag-dating","tag-happiness","tag-hearts-desire-international","tag-heartbreak","tag-hope","tag-love","tag-relationship-advice-2","tag-smcsfbc","tag-women"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/heartsdesireintl.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2433","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/heartsdesireintl.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/heartsdesireintl.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/heartsdesireintl.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/heartsdesireintl.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2433"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/heartsdesireintl.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2433\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/heartsdesireintl.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2433"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/heartsdesireintl.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2433"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/heartsdesireintl.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2433"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}