{"id":2466,"date":"2013-07-02T13:37:30","date_gmt":"2013-07-02T18:37:30","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/heartsdesireintl.com\/?p=2466"},"modified":"2013-07-02T13:37:30","modified_gmt":"2013-07-02T18:37:30","slug":"how-to-let-go-of-a-past-relationship","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/heartsdesireintl.com\/home\/how-to-let-go-of-a-past-relationship\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Let Go of a Past Relationship"},"content":{"rendered":"

by Gladys Diaz<\/span><\/p>\n

\"broken<\/a><\/p>\n

I recently split from my man after a three year relationship. It has been very difficult for me to move on, even though he was cheating on line with a woman from his past. Over twenty years ago he had relations with this woman and a child that passed away. He had told me that she was responsible for the death and he would gain her trust to avenge the death of his daughter. I was amazed that he would tell me this and then pursue a legitimate relationship with this woman, even though she lives across the country from him. <\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

I know this was an unhealthy relationship for me and I need to move on, but I’m guessing, that because of the rejection, I feel the need for a different ending for closure. Please give me advice on how to move on for me. No man should be the motivation for a brighter future. <\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I know that ending a long-term relationship is never<\/em> something that is easy to do, even when all of the signs are clear that this was not a healthy relationship.\u00a0 I can hear that you are hurt by the betrayal, which is completely understandable.\u00a0 I\u2019m also concerned that you stayed in a relationship with him, even after he mentioned that he was planning to gain this woman\u2019s trust so that he could avenge his daughter\u2019s death.\u00a0 The first thing I thought when I read that sentence was that that type of comment would have set off red flags, whistles and sirens for me regarding whether or not he was someone I could trust.\u00a0 He was practically letting you know that he\u2019s someone who couldn\u2019t be trusted.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Now, perhaps he said that in a moment of pain or distress over the loss of his daughter.\u00a0 I don\u2019t know, nor do I want to begin trying to analyze the authenticity of his statement.\u00a0 My main concern lies with you and helping you move past this so that you can experience the\u00a0 healthy, happy relationship you deserve!<\/strong><\/p>\n

There is a really powerful statement you made that is at the heart of the pain you are experiencing.\u00a0 You wrote:<\/p>\n

I feel the need for a different ending for closure.<\/i><\/p>\n

The problem with this is that you want something different from what actually happened to happen, which is impossible.<\/strong>\u00a0 The fact is he was communicating with the woman he told you he was angry and blamed for the death of his daughter.\u00a0 Unless they were seeing each other, there wasn\u2019t an actual<\/i> affair taking place.\u00a0 That being said, I can still see where it would hurt you to find out that he may have been emotionally connecting with someone else.\u00a0 For all you know, this was part of his plan to gain her trust (based on what he said to you earlier).\u00a0 But the fact is that you found out about their communication and this is why the relationship ended.<\/p>\n

Most of the time, when we are upset about something, it\u2019s not so much that we\u2019re upset about what happened<\/i> or what is happening<\/i>.\u00a0 The upset comes from wanting the situation to be different from what it is.<\/strong>\u00a0 And, because that is impossible \u2013 things are<\/em> the way they are and they are not<\/em> the way they\u2019re not \u2013 we cause ourselves unnecessary worry, anxiety, and frustration.\u00a0 We keep replaying all the other ways it could have been<\/i> or should have been<\/i>.\u00a0 However, the situation remains what it is, and no amount of wanting or wishing that it were different is going to change that.<\/p>\n

Another thing that causes us to feel pain and regret is that, while it seems that we are angry and upset at the other person for what he or she did, we\u2019re actually upset with ourselves.\u00a0 We\u2019re upset that we didn\u2019t see or chose not to see the signs.\u00a0 We regret having invested so much time in a relationship that didn\u2019t turn out the way we\u2019d hoped.\u00a0 And we hold on to that upset and regret so that we don\u2019t have to be responsible for moving forward, because there\u2019s a risk that we might get hurt again.<\/strong><\/p>\n

So, what can you do move past this relationship so that you can open your heart to one that fulfills and honors you?<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/b><\/p>\n