{"id":2472,"date":"2013-07-03T14:10:04","date_gmt":"2013-07-03T18:10:04","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/heartsdesireintl.com\/?p=2472"},"modified":"2013-07-03T14:10:04","modified_gmt":"2013-07-03T18:10:04","slug":"how-to-communicate-effectively-in-a-relationship","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/heartsdesireintl.com\/home\/how-to-communicate-effectively-in-a-relationship\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Communicate Effectively in a Relationship"},"content":{"rendered":"

by Gladys Diaz<\/span><\/p>\n

\"couple<\/a><\/p>\n

What are some effective ways to communicate with my partner?<\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/b><\/p>\n

Ask almost anyone what the key to having an effective relationship is and they\u2019ll say: \u201cGood communication.\u201d\u00a0<\/em> The issues in relationships come up when people\u2019s definitions of what \u201cgood communication\u201d is differ!<\/p>\n

So, what are some ineffective ways of communicating and how can we turn them around so that both <\/em>people in the relationship have the experience of\u00a0 being heard?<\/p>\n

Ineffective Communication: Talking too much<\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

For most women, talking comes easily.\u00a0 Studies have shown that women communicate more than men.\u00a0 Depending on which study results you read, women can sometimes speak anywhere from twice to as many as three times the number of words men say.\u00a0 Studies also show that most women also find it easier to communicate what they are feeling than men.\u00a0 This is why we tend to \u201cover-talk\u201d when it comes to issues in the relationships and then we\u2019re upset when we see the glazed look on his face once he\u2019s tuned us out.<\/p>\n

\u00a0Solution: Say it clearly, purely, and briefly<\/i>.<\/b><\/p>\n

Many times, when we begin talking about an issue in our relationships, we haven\u2019t done the pre-work of actually getting clear about what it is we want to say.\u00a0 This is why we\u2019ll begin saying too much \u2013 giving reasons, details, and explanations to try to clarify the message we\u2019re trying to convey.\u00a0 Instead, get clear about what you\u2019d like to say.\u00a0 Sort through your thoughts and ideas with a friend or family member you trust so that you can weed out any of the information that is not relevant to this particular situation or issue.\u00a0 In other words, ladies, remember this:<\/p>\n

Men want to hear headlines and bullet points<\/i><\/b>.\u00a0 <\/b><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ineffective Communication: Bringing up the past<\/b><\/p>\n

You\u2019ve probably experienced it at least in your relationship. You begin \u201cdiscussing\u201d an issue with your partner and, before you know it, one or both of you is bringing up things that happened last week, last year, or years <\/i>ago.\u00a0 Now, the discussion (a.k.a. argument) is about ten things other<\/i> than the original topic of conversation and the main objective has become trying \u201cblame and shame\u201d the other person into being the bad guy.\u00a0 This type of argument leads nowhere<\/i> and creates a dynamic where it\u2019s not safe to make mistakes and it\u2019s difficult to trust one another when you say that you forgive your partner.<\/p>\n

Solution: Leave the past in the past, where it belongs.<\/b><\/p>\n

Holding onto and bringing up things that have happened in the past is an easy way to build resentment in the relationship.\u00a0 Instead, make it a point to leave the past behind you, where it belongs, and be intentional about focusing on the issue you\u2019d like to resolve.\u00a0 If your partner is the one who brings up the past, resist taking the bait and respectfully let him know that you\u2019d like to resolve this issue first. \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/b>If done effectively, and you resist that argument, it\u2019s likely that you won\u2019t end up going back to that topic after this one has been discussed.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ineffective Communication Style: Having to be \u201cright\u201d<\/b><\/p>\n

Perhaps nothing is more damaging to a relationship than when one or both of the people involved is more committed to being right than to maintaining the intimacy in the relationship.\u00a0 The need to be right \u2013 to prove your point, convince or try to change the other person\u2019s mind, and make the other person \u201cwrong\u201d \u2013 is one of the biggest intimacy killers! While it\u2019s okay to have your <\/i>opinion, it\u2019s also important to remember that the person you\u2019re in a relationship with has one, too! \u00a0Doing everything in your power to try to make someone agree with you and what you\u2019re saying without honoring what they are saying is disrespectful and exhausting!<\/p>\n

Solution: <\/b><\/p>\n

Saying how you think, feel and want are important.\u00a0 However, before you share any of those things, consider what your intention<\/i> for communicating is.\u00a0 Is your intention to simply share your thoughts, or are you trying to convince or get agreement from the other person.\u00a0 Is your intention to simply share how you feel, or is it to make the other person feel badly?\u00a0 Is your intention to create intimacy in the relationship, or to be right?\u00a0 I often invite my clients to ask themselves the same two questions I ask myself before saying something to my husband:<\/p>\n

1)\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Is what I\u2019m about to say worth the intimacy it is going to cost me?<\/i>\u00a0<\/strong> If the answer is \u201cyes,\u201d then I\u2019ll share what I want to say and be willing to accept that it may impact the intimacy in our relationship.\u00a0 If the answer is \u201cno,\u201d then I choose to let it go!<\/p>\n

\u00a02)\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Am I more committed to being right or<\/i> being happy?\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

The answer to these questions helps me determine whether I still feel the need to prove my point, or whether I am willing to allow for the possibility that maybe \u2013 just maybe<\/i> \u2013 there\u2019s another<\/i> valid point of view and that I can simply to choose to accept and respect, even if I don\u2019t agree with it.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Contrary to what most people believe, communication is not mainly about what you say<\/em>.\u00a0 It’s also about how <\/em>you choose to express yourself, and, even more importantly, being willing to listen to the other person.\u00a0 Arguing, disrespecting one another’s thoughts and opinions, and dominating a conversation are simply ineffective ways of creating intimacy, love, and respect in a relationship. Instead, seek ways to express your thoughts and feelings in a way that leaves both of you feeling, honored, appreciated, and heard!<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Comments?\u00a0 Questions?\u00a0 Let us know below!\u00a0 We love hearing from you!<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Image courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

by Gladys Diaz What are some effective ways to communicate with my partner? \u00a0 Ask almost anyone what the key to having an effective relationship is and they\u2019ll say: \u201cGood communication.\u201d\u00a0 The issues in relationships come up when people\u2019s definitions of what \u201cgood communication\u201d is differ! So, what are some ineffective ways of communicating and […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[5,6,10,13,16,22],"tags":[30,42,47,57,63,68,70,87,97,105],"class_list":["post-2472","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-communication-2","category-dating-2","category-hearts-desire-international","category-intimacy-2","category-love-2","category-relationship-advice","tag-acceptance","tag-communication","tag-dating","tag-hearts-desire-international","tag-intimacy","tag-love","tag-marriage-2","tag-relationship-advice-2","tag-smcsfbc","tag-women"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/heartsdesireintl.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2472","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/heartsdesireintl.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/heartsdesireintl.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/heartsdesireintl.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/heartsdesireintl.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2472"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/heartsdesireintl.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2472\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/heartsdesireintl.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2472"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/heartsdesireintl.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2472"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/heartsdesireintl.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2472"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}