{"id":2569,"date":"2013-08-21T11:16:03","date_gmt":"2013-08-21T15:16:03","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/heartsdesireintl.com\/?p=2569"},"modified":"2013-08-21T11:16:03","modified_gmt":"2013-08-21T15:16:03","slug":"do-you-want-to-be-right-or-be-happy","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/heartsdesireintl.com\/home\/do-you-want-to-be-right-or-be-happy\/","title":{"rendered":"Do You Want to Be Right or Be Happy?"},"content":{"rendered":"

by Gladys Diaz<\/span><\/p>\n

\"Happy-Sad<\/a><\/p>\n

This weekend served as one of those filled with a bunch of teachable moments about what it takes to make relationships work. Call it hormones, sadness at seeing how quickly the summer came and went, or simply not choosing to be aware enough to make conscious choices, but I messed up.\u00a0 And it cost me.<\/p>\n

See, one of the lynch pins that holds a relationship together is respect.\u00a0 For men, knowing that they are respected and appreciated by the woman they love is one of the most important things.\u00a0 Whether you choose to believe it or not, the man you love sees himself through your eyes.\u00a0 This is why when we criticize, complain, contradict, or correct them, the response we get is usually less than desirable.\u00a0 They don\u2019t like seeing themselves as incompetent, incapable, or inadequate when they look into our eyes.<\/p>\n

So, when I chose to respond to my husband with sarcasm, corrected the way he was driving, and then complained about not having help while cleaning the house, his response was not that of the tender, loving hero I\u2019m used to.\u00a0 But, I wasn\u2019t being the loving, respectful goddess he\u2019s used to, either<\/em>.<\/p>\n

Choosing to be right about how to take a turn so that the fries wouldn\u2019t spill all over the backseat sent the message that I didn\u2019t think he knew how to drive and <\/i>that he purposefully caused the fries to spill (really?).<\/em>\u00a0 And making little comments under my breath (and not-so-under-my-breath) about how I was the only one cleaning the house did not inspire him or my two boys to gallantly offer to help me the way they usually do when I simply say, \u201cI need help.\u201d<\/p>\n

Instead, these little digs led to an argument, which led to that uncomfortable and uneasy silence that I hate, and to wasting several precious hours that we could have spent just having fun together as a family on the last day of summer, which was what I really <\/em>wanted.<\/p>\n

At first, I was hurt and wanted to feel sorry for myself because of how angrily my husband had spoken to me. It\u2019s always so much easier <\/i>to see what the other person should and could have done differently.\u00a0 I wanted to stay angry.\u00a0 I wanted to be right.<\/i><\/p>\n

However, once I got really clear about how my choice of words and my unwillingness to ask for help were costing me intimacy, I also<\/em> got really clear that being right just wasn\u2019t worth it<\/em> to me.\u00a0 I\u2019d much rather be happy than be right!<\/b><\/p>\n

I also saw where I was responsible for the way things turned out.\u00a0 In this case, the culprits were my own ego and pride \u2013 not wanting to be vulnerable enough to ask for help, and choosing, instead, to make everyone around me wrong for not offering to help!<\/p>\n

Putting pride first is not<\/span> vulnerable, and without vulnerability, there simply is no possibility for intimacy.<\/b><\/p>\n

Once I was willing to see this, I was also able to see all of the things that my husband had<\/i> done during that day to help me\u00a0 \u2013 things I couldn\u2019t see when I was focusing on everything that was \u201cwrong<\/i>\u201d and on what he wasn\u2019t<\/i> doing.\u00a0 I stopped and allowed myself to feel the gratitude, and then I expressed the gratitude to my husband and apologized to him for speaking disrespectfully and not simply asking for help.<\/p>\n

I wish I could say that everything went back to normal right away.\u00a0 Unfortunately, one of the prices for choosing to be right over being happy is that sometimes the other person may still be at the impact of your words or actions, and it may take a while for them to come around.\u00a0 It did take a little while, but I gave him the space to feel what he was feeling, and was happy that after we put the kids to bed, we watched one of our favorite shows together, and that, by the end of the night, I was able to kiss my honey good night, say, \u201cI love you,\u201d and hear, \u201cI love you, too.\u201d<\/p>\n

See, spending time with my husband, letting him know how much I love him, and having him let me know he loves me, too \u2013 that\u2019s<\/i><\/span> <\/i>what I\u2019m committed to creating and experiencing in my relationship.\u00a0 <\/b><\/p>\n

And, while I didn\u2019t enjoy it at all, the experience served as a great reminder o,f why I’ve chosen to make the changes in myself that have helped me create the kind of marriage I always dreamed of: W<\/strong>hen it comes to choosing between being happy or being right, choosing intimacy is always<\/i> the better choice and results in the loving, passionate relationship I\u00a0really <\/em>want!<\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Comments?\u00a0 Questions?\u00a0 Let us know below!\u00a0 We love hearing from you!<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Image courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

by Gladys Diaz This weekend served as one of those filled with a bunch of teachable moments about what it takes to make relationships work. Call it hormones, sadness at seeing how quickly the summer came and went, or simply not choosing to be aware enough to make conscious choices, but I messed up.\u00a0 And […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[22],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2569","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-relationship-advice"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/heartsdesireintl.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2569","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/heartsdesireintl.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/heartsdesireintl.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/heartsdesireintl.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/heartsdesireintl.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2569"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/heartsdesireintl.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2569\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/heartsdesireintl.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2569"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/heartsdesireintl.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2569"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/heartsdesireintl.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2569"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}