{"id":2574,"date":"2013-08-23T17:09:44","date_gmt":"2013-08-23T21:09:44","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/heartsdesireintl.com\/?p=2574"},"modified":"2013-08-23T17:09:44","modified_gmt":"2013-08-23T21:09:44","slug":"how-to-say-what-you-feel-without-tearing-him-down","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/heartsdesireintl.com\/home\/how-to-say-what-you-feel-without-tearing-him-down\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Say What You Feel Without Tearing Him Down"},"content":{"rendered":"

by Gladys Diaz<\/span><\/p>\n

\"Blaming<\/a><\/p>\n

This morning I was reading a daily meditation book, and the thought for the day was around the power that our words have to either build people up or tear them down<\/strong>.\u00a0 It\u2019s easy to forget just how powerful our thoughts and words are and how they can impact our relationships.<\/p>\n

Many times, when we are unhappy, disappointed, or scared, we feel the need to say exactly <\/i>what is on our minds. And sharing your feelings is healthy.\u00a0 When you\u2019re dating or in a relationship with someone, you want<\/i> to be able to share what\u2019s on your heart and mind.<\/p>\n

The issue, however, is not really around whether or not you should say what\u2019s on your mind.\u00a0 It\u2019s more about how <\/i>you choose to say it!\u00a0 See, many times, when we think we\u2019re sharing our \u201cfeelings,\u201d what we\u2019re really doing is complaining and blaming<\/i><\/b> \u2013 which can also be translated as nagging and criticizing \u2013 neither of which is encouraging or inspiring!<\/p>\n

When you repeatedly tell the man you are dating or in a relationship with what you think he is doing wrong, how that makes you feel, and what he needs to differently, it can be difficult for him to actually hear<\/i> what you\u2019re feeling or what you want.\u00a0 All he hears is what a disappointment he is.\u00a0 And, since men see themselves through the eyes of the women they love<\/strong>, the message that comes through loud and clear is that he\u2019s not capable of pleasing you, which, by the way, is at the top of a good man\u2019s list!\u00a0 This can cause him to want to stop trying.<\/i><\/p>\n

So, what can you do to say what how you are feeling without tearing him down?<\/p>\n

Vent with someone else before you share how you feel.<\/b><\/p>\n

It can be difficult to think clearly when you\u2019re feeling hurt.\u00a0 Sometimes, it feels like there\u2019s an immediate trigger that goes off!\u00a0 Holding in or ignoring your feelings is not a good idea, but neither is saying or doing something you\u2019re most likely going to regret.\u00a0 Instead of going off on him in a moment of rage, call someone you trust and who you know will listen without judging or gossiping<\/i>, and share your feelings with her.\u00a0 After letting everything out, you may find that you\u2019re able to think and express what you\u2019re feeling more clearly and without resorting to blaming or making him wrong.<\/i><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/b><\/p>\n

Focus on how you\u2019re feeling<\/i>, not<\/span> on what he did<\/i>. <\/b><\/p>\n

Leading with how you\u2019re feeling,<\/i> rather than with trying to blame or make him feel guilty will make it more likely that he\u2019ll be able to hear <\/i>how you are feeling, rather than feel the need to defend his actions.<\/p>\n

So, instead of saying something like, \u201cYou always put your job and other people before me! I\u2019m tired of feeling like I don\u2019t matter!\u201d<\/i> you could say, \u201cI miss spending time with you.\u201d <\/i><\/p>\n

Rather than saying, \u201cI feel so angry when you forget to call me during the day,\u201d <\/i>you could say, \u201cI really like when you take the time to call me during the day. It makes me smile to know that you\u2019re thinking about me.\u201d<\/i><\/p>\n

Expressing yourself this way takes a lot more vulnerability than striking in anger, which can feel scary.\u00a0 But, again, it\u2019s a lot more likely that he\u2019ll be able to actually hear<\/i> what you are saying when he\u2019s not feeling like he needs to defend himself.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Let go of any expectations regarding how he\u2019ll respond.<\/b><\/p>\n

Sometimes we hold back on sharing our feelings and desires because we think we already know how he\u2019s going to respond and we\u2019re afraid of what his reaction will be.\u00a0 Again, ignoring your feelings is not healthy, and it should feel safe to share what you\u2019re feeling with the man you love. So, once you’ve processed your feelings with someone else and you are able to express them clearly and purely \u2013 without blame \u2013 let go of any expectations regarding how he will <\/i>or should <\/i>respond.\u00a0 How or whether he chooses to respond is out of your control, but how and what you choose to say isn’t.\u00a0 If you choose to follow the steps above, it\u2019s likely that the response is more likely to be tender and understanding when he can see that he\u2019s not being \u201cpunished\u201d or attacked.<\/p>\n

Sharing and expressing our feelings is an important part of being in a relationship, and when we can do that without casting blame, shame, or guilt on our partner, we\u2019re on the path to making that relationship the loving, peaceful, intimate partnership our hearts truly desire!<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Comments?\u00a0 Questions?\u00a0 Let us know below!\u00a0 We love hearing from you!<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Image courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net<\/a>.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

by Gladys Diaz This morning I was reading a daily meditation book, and the thought for the day was around the power that our words have to either build people up or tear them down.\u00a0 It\u2019s easy to forget just how powerful our thoughts and words are and how they can impact our relationships. Many […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[5,9,10,16,17,22,23],"tags":[34,42,47,57,63,68,70,87],"class_list":["post-2574","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-communication-2","category-hdi-blog","category-hearts-desire-international","category-love-2","category-marriage","category-relationship-advice","category-romance","tag-arguments","tag-communication","tag-dating","tag-hearts-desire-international","tag-intimacy","tag-love","tag-marriage-2","tag-relationship-advice-2"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/heartsdesireintl.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2574","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/heartsdesireintl.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/heartsdesireintl.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/heartsdesireintl.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/heartsdesireintl.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2574"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/heartsdesireintl.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2574\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/heartsdesireintl.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2574"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/heartsdesireintl.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2574"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/heartsdesireintl.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2574"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}