{"id":2765,"date":"2013-11-19T13:48:33","date_gmt":"2013-11-19T17:48:33","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/heartsdesireintl.com\/?p=2765"},"modified":"2013-11-19T13:48:33","modified_gmt":"2013-11-19T17:48:33","slug":"trust-means-willing-let-go","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/heartsdesireintl.com\/home\/trust-means-willing-let-go\/","title":{"rendered":"Trust Means Being Willing to Let Go"},"content":{"rendered":"

by Gladys Diaz<\/span><\/p>\n

\"Two<\/a><\/p>\n

Last week, I shared about having gone to a conference for two days full days and how, in the past I would have felt guilty about doing something like that. Based on some of your responses, many of you relate to feeling guilty about putting yourselves first.<\/p>\n

One of the things I didn\u2019t mention is that, after having prepared all of the meals for my family, I completely left everything else in my husband\u2019s hands for 2 full days.<\/i><\/p>\n

What does that mean?\u00a0 Well, it means that he made the kids\u2019 lunches, took them and picked them up from school, helped them do and check their homework, fed them, did the dishes, got them ready for bath and bedtime, and let them stay up a few minutes late so that I could kiss them goodnight when I got home!<\/p>\n

And what did I do?\u00a0 Did I call to check up on him to make sure he knew what to do? Or remind him that my son had to be picked up at 3:15 from kickball practice? Or in any other way, shape or form try to \u201chelp\u201d him handle things?<\/p>\n

Nope!<\/p>\n

And this doesn’t mean I\u2019m not \u201ca good mother\u201d or \u201ca caring wife.\u201d\u00a0 In fact, it makes me an even better wife!<\/strong>\u00a0 <\/em><\/p>\n

Why?<\/em><\/p>\n

Because I trust him<\/i>.\u00a0 <\/b><\/p>\n

And, I\u00a0 must admit that this wasn\u2019t always<\/em> true for me.<\/p>\n

One of the most common questions I get from women is how they can \u201cget\u201d their husbands or boyfriends to help them more often.\u00a0 My answer?\u00a0 Let him know you need help and then let him help you<\/i>!<\/p>\n

Sound too simple to be true? Well, it is!<\/p>\n

The truth is that many of us don\u2019t ask for help when we need it.\u00a0 It makes us feel vulnerable, we don\u2019t want to have to ask<\/i>, and then, if he does offer to help, we want to tell him how to do it the \u201cright way\u201d <\/i>(a.k.a. \u201cmy way\u201d).<\/strong><\/h4>\n

 <\/p>\n

Why is it so hard to ask for help? Because you then have to admit that you can\u2019t do it<\/i> all<\/i>.\u00a0 And, what\u2019s worse, you can\u2019t do it all<\/i> perfectly<\/i><\/b>. <\/i><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/i><\/p>\n

There\u2019s probably nothing more debilitating than feeling like you have to do everything yourself so that it will turn out just right.<\/b><\/span><\/h4>\n

\u00a0<\/b><\/p>\n

That self-imposed standard of perfection will have you work yourself to the point of exhaustion, all in the effort to look good and avoid looking bad in the eyes of others.\u00a0 Whereas, if you were simply to admit that you need or would like help, you\u2019d be done in less time and have a lot less stress to deal with!<\/p>\n

The truth is that people don\u2019t notice, talk about, or give us nearly <\/i>as much attention as we think they do!<\/b><\/p>\n

What can be even more challenging than asking for help is actually receiving it<\/i>.\u00a0 Allowing someone else to step in and take on some of the load can be helpful, but it can also be stressful for a perfectionist and can lead to wanting to tell the person how something should be done \u201ccorrectly.\u201d <\/i><\/p>\n

Last week, I shared about having gone to a conference for two days full days and how, in the past I would have felt guilty about doing something like that. Based on some of your responses, many of you relate to feeling guilty about putting yourselves first.<\/p>\n

One of the things I didn\u2019t mention is that, after having prepared all of the meals for my family, I completely left everything else in my husband\u2019s hands for 2 full days.<\/i><\/p>\n

What does that mean?\u00a0 Well, it means that he made the kids\u2019 lunches, took them and picked them up from school, helped them do and check their homework, fed them, did the dishes, got them ready for bath and bedtime, and let them stay up a few minutes late so that I could kiss them goodnight when I got home!<\/p>\n

And what did I do?\u00a0 Did I call to check up on him to make sure he knew what to do? Or remind him that my son had to be picked up at 3:15 from kickball practice? Or in any other way, shape or form try to \u201chelp\u201d him handle things?<\/p>\n

Nope!<\/p>\n

And it\u2019s not because I\u2019m not \u201ca good mother\u201d or \u201ca caring wife.\u201d\u00a0 It\u2019s simply because I trust him<\/i>.\u00a0 <\/b>And, I\u00a0 must admit that this wasn\u2019t always true for me.<\/p>\n

One of the most common questions I get from women is how they can \u201cget\u201d their husbands or boyfriends to help them more often.\u00a0 My answer?\u00a0 Let him know you need help and then let him help you<\/i>!<\/p>\n

Sound too simple to be true? Well, it is!<\/p>\n

The truth is that many of us don\u2019t ask for help when we need it.\u00a0 It makes us feel vulnerable, we don\u2019t want to have to ask<\/i>, and then, if he does offer to help, we want to tell him how to do it the \u201cright way\u201d <\/i>(a.k.a. \u201cmy way\u201d).<\/strong><\/span><\/h4>\n

Why is it so hard to ask for help? Because you then have to admit that you can\u2019t do it<\/i> all<\/i>.\u00a0 And, what\u2019s worse, you can\u2019t do it all<\/i> perfectly<\/i><\/b>. <\/i><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/i><\/p>\n

There\u2019s probably nothing more debilitating than feeling like you have to do everything yourself so that it will turn out just right.<\/b><\/span><\/h4>\n

\u00a0<\/b><\/p>\n

That self-imposed standard of perfection will have you work yourself to the point of exhaustion, all in the effort to look good and avoid looking bad in the eyes of others.\u00a0 Whereas, if you were simply to admit that you need or would like help, you\u2019d be done in less time and have a lot less stress to deal with!<\/p>\n

The truth is that people don\u2019t notice, talk about, or give us nearly <\/i>as much attention as we think they do!<\/b><\/p>\n

What can be even more challenging than asking for help is actually receiving it<\/i>.\u00a0 Allowing someone else to step in and take on some of the load can be helpful, but it can also be stressful for a perfectionist and can lead to wanting to tell the person how something should be done \u201ccorrectly.\u201d <\/strong><\/i>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

What happens, however, is that by stepping in, reminding, correcting, and telling the other person how to do what they\u2019re doing can make them feel as if you don\u2019t trust them and that you\u2019re not grateful for the help.<\/strong>\u00a0 It\u2019s also what often leads to men not volunteering to help.\u00a0 Who in the world wants to be told what to do and how to do it every step of the way?<\/p>\n

So, what can you do to begin getting more help?<\/p>\n

Ask for help. <\/b>Simply acknowledge that you could use some assistance, and say \u201cI need help.\u201d\u00a0 You don\u2019t have to back it up with all of the reasons, justifications, and complaints about why<\/i> you need help.\u00a0 Just let him know you could use some help.<\/p>\n

Tell him what you need help with, but don\u2019t tell him how to do it<\/i>.\u00a0 <\/b>Let him know what it is you would like help with and then let it go<\/i> \u2013 meaning, don\u2019t offer any unsolicited advice, directions, or \u201chelpful hints.\u201d If he indicates that he\u2019s got it, then he\u2019s got it.<\/p>\n

Trust him.<\/b> Letting go is going to require that you trust him. Trust in his capabilities to do what he said he\u2019d do.\u00a0 Trust that if he needs your help, he\u2019ll ask for it, just like you did <\/i>(but realize that he probably won\u2019t<\/i>).\u00a0 Not only does letting go communicate trust, but it also communicates respect.<\/p>\n

Be thankful. <\/b>\u00a0Leaving a task, project, or errand in his hands brings with it the possibility that the end result may not look exactly <\/i>like <\/i>what you had imagined.\u00a0 Regardless of how the help is given, it\u2019s important to appreciate his effort.\u00a0 Letting him know you\u2019re thankful not only makes him feel good about having eased your load, but that \u201cfeel-good-feeling\u201d is something he\u2019ll probably want to experience again, which means you may be getting even more help in the future!<\/p>\n

Letting go of having control over everything <\/i>can be scary.\u00a0 But trust is an essential ingredient in creating intimacy in a relationship. So, if you want to experience true intimacy in your relationship\u2026<\/p>\n

Take a deep breath\u2026<\/em><\/p>\n

Remember you chose a great guy\u2026<\/em><\/p>\n

And\u2026let\u2026go\u2026<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Comments?\u00a0 Questions?\u00a0 Let us know below!\u00a0 We love hearing from you!<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Image courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net<\/a><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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