{"id":681,"date":"2012-09-14T17:49:38","date_gmt":"2012-09-14T17:49:38","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/heartsdesireintlblog.wordpress.com\/?p=681"},"modified":"2017-02-28T18:09:25","modified_gmt":"2017-02-28T18:09:25","slug":"i-cant-deal-with-his-bad-habits","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/heartsdesireintl.com\/home\/i-cant-deal-with-his-bad-habits\/","title":{"rendered":"I Can’t Deal with His Bad Habits!"},"content":{"rendered":"

by Gladys Diaz<\/span><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

This week, I was on a radio show in a segment titled, \u201cI Can\u2019t Deal with My Husband!\u201d\u00a0 The show\u2019s host and I discussed ways that wives can positively deal with their husband\u2019s \u201cnegative\u201d habits.<\/p>\n

We\u2019ve all been there, right?\u00a0 Your boyfriend forgets to tip the valet.\u00a0 Your husband leaves his socks on the floor right next to the hamper<\/em>. He\u2019s too loud\u2026 too quiet\u2026 too messy\u2026 too neat\u2026 And it\u2019s driving you crazy<\/strong><\/em>!<\/p>\n

And you\u2019ve probably tried every strategy you can think of to get him to change.\u00a0 You\u2019ve asked him nicely.\u00a0 You\u2019ve asked him not-so-nicely.\u00a0 You\u2019ve begged.\u00a0 You\u2019ve hinted.\u00a0 You may have even shed a tear or two.\u00a0 Nothing has worked, and, quite frankly, you\u2019ve had it<\/em>!<\/p>\n

What\u2019s a woman to do?\u00a0 Below are some practical steps you can take to help you deal positively with his \u201cbad habits\u201d so that you can both <\/strong>be happy.<\/p>\n

1.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/strong>Realize he\u2019s not your \u201cDo-it-Yourself-Fixer-Upper- Project.\u201d <\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

The first thing you need to realize is that you can\u2019t change him<\/em><\/strong>!\u00a0 Too many times, women get married thinking that they\u2019ll be able to change (or \u201ctrain\u201d) their husband\u2019s after they are married.\u00a0 What we forget is that true love is unconditional<\/em>.\u00a0 That means I don\u2019t love you because <\/em>of what you do or don\u2019t do.\u00a0 Instead, I choose to love you in spite <\/em>of what you do or don\u2019t do.\u00a0 And it is not my role or mission in life to \u201ctrain\u201d you to be neat, or quiet, or more social, or more assertive.\u00a0 Personal work is just that: personal and internal.\u00a0 It\u2019s got to come from within. All of that begging, pleading, reminding (a.k.a. nagging) hasn\u2019t given you the results you\u2019ve wanted because he\u2019s <\/em><\/strong>the one who has to want to change.\u00a0 So, rather than focusing on the things he should\/could be doing differently, focus on the behaviors, actions, and attitudes within yourself that you<\/em> can change and work on those. It\u2019s a much better use of your time and energy!<\/p>\n

2.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/strong>Don\u2019t take things personally.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

Granted, I may not know your boyfriend or husband personally, but I can pretty much bet that his first thought in the morning is not \u201cWhat can I do today to really upset her?\u201d <\/em>Most men want to please the women they love.\u00a0 They do not set out with the intention to anger, upset, or disappoint us.\u00a0 When he leaves the dirty dishes in the sink or he forgets to pay a bill on time, see it for what it is: a mistake; not a personal vendetta.\u00a0 If you can distance yourself from the action and not make it about \u201cIf he really <\/strong>loved me he would\/wouldn\u2019t\u2026\u201d<\/em> you\u2019ll find you have a lot more peace and react with a lot less resentment and hostility when he does \u201cthat thing\u201d that tends to trigger a reaction.<\/p>\n

3.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/strong>\u00a0Express your feelings and desires purely.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

Rather than telling him everything he\u2019s doing \u201cwrong\u201d or \u201cnot good enough,\u201d focus on what you<\/strong> want.\u00a0 If the toothpaste on the counter drives you nuts, instead of telling him, \u201cYou<\/span> need to clean up the toothpaste on the counter,\u201d <\/em>or \u201cYou<\/span> always leave a mess of toothpaste on the counter for me<\/span> to clean up,\u201d<\/em> or \u201cYou never<\/span> clean up the toothpaste on the counter,\u201d<\/em> (which is all<\/p>\n

nagging,<\/span> and not very inspiring or motivating, by the way), focus on what it is that you want.<\/p>\n

I love it when the bathroom sink and counter are clean.<\/em><\/p>\n

I don\u2019t like having to clean the stuck-on toothpaste.<\/em><\/p>\n

I appreciate it when you wipe off the counter.<\/em><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/em>All of these statements are much more inspiring than hearing a reprimand or criticism and they focus on your<\/span> feelings and your<\/span> desires, rather than on what he<\/span> \u201cshould\u201d or \u201cshould not\u201d do.<\/p>\n

4.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/strong>Choose your battles. (Actually… When in doubt, choose intimacy!)<\/em><\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

When it comes to two completely different people coming together \u2013 with their own histories, likes, dislikes, and ways of doing things \u2013 it\u2019s inevitable that there will be things about the other that will either require learning, getting used to, and accepting.\u00a0 If you react to every little thing with a life-or-death intensity, you are going to find yourself exhausted<\/em><\/strong> all of the time.\u00a0 Perhaps some of his habits will be easier to accept than others. It\u2019s going to be up to you to determine what\u2019s worth arguing about.\u00a0 If your argument to him is that \u201cPutting the socks in the hamper takes two seconds<\/em>,\u201d then consider if something that takes two seconds is really worth fighting about for 30 minutes every day\u2026 day in\u2026 day out\u2026 Ultimately, it really is your choice!\u00a0 Choose wisely and in the best interest of your relationship!<\/p>\n

5.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/strong>Express gratitude when he does things that please you.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

I\u2019m not sure why this is, but sometimes, when our husbands or boyfriends catch us by surprise and do something that pleases us, we tend to not want to thank them, so that it doesn\u2019t seem like \u201ca big deal,\u201d or so that they don\u2019t think they\u2019ve done us any favors.\u00a0 Except that\u2026 well\u2026 they have<\/em> done us a favor!\u00a0 And, if I\u2019ve chosen in the past to make a big deal about the things he\u2019s done that I don\u2019t<\/em> like, why not make an even bigger deal when he does something that I do<\/em> like!\u00a0 When we acknowledge and show appreciate for the things he\u2019s done \u201cright,\u201d we\u2019re significantly increasing the probability of him choosing to do that again! It\u2019s a win-win situation for both<\/em><\/strong> of us!<\/p>\n

There are some more things we can do, but these 5 are a great start toward get ourselves in the habit of dealing positively with our husbands\u2019 and boyfriends\u2019 not-so-great habits!<\/p>\n

Do you have any suggestions or ideas for how to deal with your husband\u2019s or boyfriend\u2019s habits?\u00a0 Any thoughts about the ideas shared in this article?\u00a0 If so, please leave your comments below!\u00a0 We love to hear from you!<\/p>\n

photo credit: Leigh Righton<\/a> via photopin.com<\/a> cc<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

by Gladys Diaz This week, I was on a radio show in a segment titled, \u201cI Can\u2019t Deal with My Husband!\u201d\u00a0 The show\u2019s host and I discussed ways that wives can positively deal with their husband\u2019s \u201cnegative\u201d habits. We\u2019ve all been there, right?\u00a0 Your boyfriend forgets to tip the valet.\u00a0 Your husband leaves his socks […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[6,9,16,17,21,22,23],"tags":[42,47,57,68,70,86,90],"class_list":["post-681","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-dating-2","category-hdi-blog","category-love-2","category-marriage","category-relationship","category-relationship-advice","category-romance","tag-communication","tag-dating","tag-hearts-desire-international","tag-love","tag-marriage-2","tag-relationship","tag-romance-2"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/heartsdesireintl.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/681","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/heartsdesireintl.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/heartsdesireintl.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/heartsdesireintl.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/heartsdesireintl.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=681"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/heartsdesireintl.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/681\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/heartsdesireintl.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=681"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/heartsdesireintl.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=681"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/heartsdesireintl.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=681"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}