{"id":736,"date":"2012-10-05T17:14:52","date_gmt":"2012-10-05T17:14:52","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/heartsdesireintl.com\/?p=736"},"modified":"2017-02-28T18:53:56","modified_gmt":"2017-02-28T18:53:56","slug":"so-i-gave-up-the-checklist-now-what","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/heartsdesireintl.com\/home\/so-i-gave-up-the-checklist-now-what\/","title":{"rendered":"So, I Gave Up the Checklist. Now What?"},"content":{"rendered":"

by Gladys Diaz<\/span><\/p>\n

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Tuesday\u2019s post<\/a> on getting rid of the checklist sparked a lot of discussion on different social media platforms, especially among singles. \u00a0I even received some requests for a similar post directed toward men.\u00a0 Maybe\u2026 One day\u2026 However, I believe that we women have the power to set the tone in a relationship, and that it\u2019s up to us<\/em> to create the type of relationship we want to experience \u2013 no one can do that for us.\u00a0 So, for now, let\u2019s talk about what to do once you choose to get rid of the checklist.<\/p>\n

First, let me warn you.\u00a0 From time to time, you\u2019ll be tempted to tape together the pieces of the checklist<\/a> and see which ones \u201caren\u2019t that bad\u201d in order to justify keeping them.\u00a0 You know, you\u2019ll get approached by a guy who looks different than the “type” of guy you usually date, and your automatic pilot will kick in with a \u201cNo way!\u201d unless you can catch yourself first.\u00a0 Or maybe your friend wants to introduce you to a guy she knows, but he\u2019s a divorced father of two and you have sworn<\/em> to yourself that you will not date anyone who had any type of past that might affect you in any way, shape, or form. Or you bump into a guy at the grocery store and he smiles at you, but his teeth are crooked and that\u2019s been a \u201cdeal-breaker\u201d for you in the past.<\/p>\n

The point is that, from time to time, you may find yourself grasping for the \u201csafety\u201d of the checklist.\u00a0 At those times, it\u2019s going to take some intentional brain work on your part to remind yourself that his height, the color of his hair, who he may have loved in the past, and his teeth have nothing<\/em> to do with the kind of romance that the two of you could possibly create together.\u00a0 And, until that happens, you can also remind yourself that it\u2019s \u201cjust a conversation,\u201d or \u201cjust coffee,\u201d or \u201cjust a smile.\u201d<\/p>\n

So what\u2019s a girl to do once she\u2019s gotten rid of the checklist? Well, let\u2019s start with what it is that you want!<\/p>\n

Many women say<\/em> they want to be in a loving, committed relationship, but, when you ask them to describe the kind of romance they want, they will either begin to describe a type of guy or stumble to put what they want into words.\u00a0 Perhaps it\u2019s that the focus has been more on the guy they would like to meet than the relationship they\u2019d like to create and live in.\u00a0 Maybe they\u2019ve been basing the idea of a \u201creal relationship\u201d on what they\u2019ve seen on TV or in the movies, or what they\u2019ve read about in books. But when it comes to seriously thinking about, envisioning, and verbalizing what it is they really<\/em> want, they just aren\u2019t sure.<\/p>\n

This is why one of the first exercises we do in our workshops<\/a> or coaching<\/a> sessions for single ladies is to have the women\u00a0 write down and declare what they want in a relationship.<\/p>\n

How do you want to feel<\/em> when you\u2019re together?<\/p>\n

What is the experience<\/em> of being together like?<\/p>\n

Why is this so important?\u00a0 Because until you are clear<\/strong> about what you want, you will settle for what you think<\/em> you can get.\u00a0 It\u2019s why one of the main reasons women tell us they are afraid of being in a committed relationship is that they will either \u201close themselves\u201d or end up \u201csettling for\u201d someone and then getting bored or falling out of love with them.<\/p>\n

The truth is, no one gets \u201cstuck\u201d in a relationship.\u00a0 You either choose to be in it or you don\u2019t. But, if you\u2019re not sure about what kind of experience you want to have in a relationship, chances are that you will be \u201cblurry\u201d and unclear, and spend a lot of time attracting what you don\u2019t want <\/em>into your life.\u00a0 So, clarity is key!<\/p>\n

For example, if you know that you want \u201cgood communication\u201d in your relationship, that doesn\u2019t really translate into an experience.\u00a0 So, maybe you would describe it as: We are able to share our ideas, thoughts, and dreams freely and openly.<\/em><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/em>If honesty and loyalty are important, you could say: We honor and respect one another and choose to love one another exclusively.<\/em><\/p>\n

If being able to travel and do fun and exciting things is part of the experience you want to create with the man who is right for you, then you might say: We live in abundance and discover new and exciting adventures.<\/em><\/p>\n

And if what you want is to be loved, cherished, and adored, then you could include something like: We love each other, make one another feel special, and let each other know how blessed we feel to be loved by the other. <\/em><\/p>\n

…Or something like that\u2026<\/p>\n

Basically, what you are doing is determining what is important to you, what your heart<\/em> truly desires<\/em>, and describing it for yourself<\/em><\/strong>.\u00a0 No one ever has to read or hear this \u2013 not even him!\u00a0 This is your creation.\u00a0 Your declaration.\u00a0 And you get to start living it NOW, even before<\/em> you meet him!<\/p>\n

What do I mean?\u00a0 Well, if you the experience of your relationship includes having open and free communication, then begin expressing your thoughts freely and allowing others to do the same.\u00a0 If you want to experience honesty and loyalty, then be honest and loyal at all times.\u00a0 Honor your promises and commitments.\u00a0 If you want to live in abundance and have exciting adventures, don\u2019t wait to meet someone in order to go for that promotion, start your own business, take that trip you\u2019ve always wanted to take, or enroll in that class you\u2019ve been putting off for \u201csomeday.\u201d Do it now<\/em>! And if you want to experience being loved, cherished, and adored, then be<\/strong> loving, kind, and compassionate with others, and receive the time, attention, gifts, and compliments of others\u00a0\u2013 especially men \u2013 graciously… Even when they are not quite your \u201ctype,\u201d because (good news) you no longer have a \u201ctype,\u201d since you got rid of the checklist!<\/p>\n

Basically, you want to start BE<\/strong>ing the type of person who will attract the things and experiences you want to have.\u00a0 You want to BE<\/strong> the woman that a man who is willing and ready to create that type of relationship with you will be able to recognize from a mile away.<\/p>\n

In essence, you want to BE<\/strong> everything you hope to see in your future relationship!<\/p>\n

Have questions or comments about this article, feel free to include them below!\u00a0 We love hearing from you!<\/p>\n

Photo credit: gak<\/a> via photopin.com<\/a> cc<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

by Gladys Diaz   Tuesday\u2019s post on getting rid of the checklist sparked a lot of discussion on different social media platforms, especially among singles. \u00a0I even received some requests for a similar post directed toward men.\u00a0 Maybe\u2026 One day\u2026 However, I believe that we women have the power to set the tone in a […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[6,9,16,17,21,22,23],"tags":[31,40,42,47,57,63,68,70,88,90],"class_list":["post-736","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-dating-2","category-hdi-blog","category-love-2","category-marriage","category-relationship","category-relationship-advice","category-romance","tag-advice","tag-checklist","tag-communication","tag-dating","tag-hearts-desire-international","tag-intimacy","tag-love","tag-marriage-2","tag-relationships","tag-romance-2"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/heartsdesireintl.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/736","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/heartsdesireintl.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/heartsdesireintl.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/heartsdesireintl.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/heartsdesireintl.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=736"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/heartsdesireintl.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/736\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/heartsdesireintl.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=736"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/heartsdesireintl.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=736"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/heartsdesireintl.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=736"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}