by Gladys Diaz
“Unconditional love.” It’s a phrase used often when people are asked to describe what type of love they’d like to experience or what their definition of “true love” is. The truth is, however, that many of us can tend to be very conditional when it comes to giving and receiving love. We have so many expectations about what love should look like — how it should be demonstrated, and how the other person needs to prove their love for us.
When love is truly unconditional, it means that there are no expectations or rules regarding how it must be given. This means that there wouldn’t be any “formulas” or ultimatums regarding the love, like “If he really loves me, then he would ____ .” The moment we begin to set rules, requirements, and conditions that the love and affection must meet, we have turned our desire for love into an obligation that must be met.
Rather than requiring that love look, sound, or be demonstrated in a particular way, be open and willing to receive the love that is being sent your way. Rather than looking through the lens of it not being “good enough,” receive it graciously, allow yourself feel it and be grateful for it, and then express your gratitude.
And when it comes to giving love to another, it’s also important to let go of the expectations and conditions under which you will demonstrate and give your love. So many times we withhold love, appreciation, and forgiveness, using the withdrawal and absence of our love as a “punishment.” The moment we have the thought that we are not going to show him our love until he says or does something, we are being conditional with our love.
Granted, to be able to give and receive love freely, it’s important that you know that you are in a relationship someone who is good for you – someone who is not cheating on or putting you in any type of physical or emotional danger. Those types of “requirements” are about loving and putting yourself safety and self-care first. But outside of any real physical or emotional danger, if you are with a man who cares for you and gives you the experience of being loved, then there’s absolutely no greater gift that you can give him than accepting him, loving him freely, and receiving the love he gives to you willingly, graciously, and open-heartedly! And the best part about this gift is that being the giver is almost as wonderful as being the recipient!
So, go ahead! Love fully! Love unconditionally!
Questions? Comments? Let us know below! We love hearing from you!
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Thank you for this post and that second to last paragraph, Gladys. I think part of the learning process is to figure out those boundaries between self-care and learning when a guy really is or isn’t right for you, and there’s only one way you can do that — by getting out there and exploring the heart’s place in a relationship.
You’re welcome, Maria. You’re so right! That’s why it’s so important to be really clear about what we want to experience in a relationship. When we’re clear about that, then we won’t be attached to how things need to look in order for us to have the experience. 🙂
Hi Gladys,
This is a really interesting point and makes so much sense, however I find it so hard to distinguish between having too low expectations/ being a doormat, and unconditional acceptance/love. It’s a journey! Thanks 🙂
Anna, thank you for sharing this. If you are in a relationship with a man who is faithful and has your best interests at heart, he’s probably not interested in taking advantage of or hurting you. If you know that you are in an emotionally and physically safe relationship, then any fears of being treated like a doormat are simply coming for the fear of being vulnerable with him. This is why it’s important to know that you are in a relationship with a good man.
The last paragraph is extremely important. Too many time I have given love and acceptance to people who did not deserve it. And I ended up getting hurt in the end and they end up moving on without a problem–I always find this interesting. It is definitely difficult to draw the line with people who you thought cared about you and who you thought would be there for you. In a weird way, I think it is a betrayal and hurts more than actually not being with the guy.
Thanks for commenting, Sam. It can be very painful to love someone who does not reciprocate or appreciate our love. This is why it’s important to know what you want in a relationship and to listen to our intuition when getting to know a man so that you’re sure that you’re ready to commit and give your love fully and unconditionally.