by Gladys Diaz

Firstly, thank you for giving your time to answer many people’s personal questions.

My question is regarding “long distance dating.” I met a great guy about 6 weeks ago in my home town while he was here for a family event. I haven’t met anyone and felt such chemistry as I did with him in a long while. And he expressed feeling the same towards me.

Since then, we have kept in contact via email. He sends me the loveliest emails, asking me in-depth questions about my interests, family etc. and shares his own stories with me. He has even described the date he wishes to take me on, which would require him having to fly to my city and take me out here. He is finishing his degree at the moment, and he’s just picked up a full-time job in order to fund such a date, which is definitely a step in the right direction. So, no problems as of yet.

My question is though: What advice would you give to someone like me, that’s trying to get to know someone via email? How do you keep the interest going, with the aim of getting a face-to-face date priority?

First of all, congratulations on meeting what sounds like a really nice guy! He seems to be showing interest in getting to know you, and the fact that he’s mentioned that he wants to fly out and take you on a date is very sweet!

My first question would be to ask whether you are seeing or going out with anyone else.  Although you are both taking the time to get to know one another, unless he’s asked you if you’d like to date exclusively or be his girlfriend, this phase would be just about getting to know one another better.  Seeing other people will help you to avoid getting too attached to him before you’re actually in a relationship, while also keeping open the possibilities of meeting another wonderful man!  That’s the beauty of dating: That we get to know lots of wonderful men and then choose the one we’d like to spend more time with (maybe even a lifetime!).

I hear you saying that most of the communications you have are via email.  Some practical tips would be to also have some conversations on the phone or via Facetime, Skype, or another way that you can video chat.  At least this way you are able to hear and see one another as you interact.  While it may not be the same thing as spending time with one another in person, you’ll have the opportunity to observe and respond to each other’s facial expressions and see each other smile!  This can make the interactions seem much more personal than email.

Regarding how to continue getting to know him and keep the interest going, just keep being who you’ve been being.  He’s obviously showing interest in you and he’s taking the necessary steps to see you.  Don’t think that you need to “do” anything to keep him interested.  Who you are is more than enough, and, if you allow the relationship to unfold naturally, at its own pace, then you won’t have to worry about whether it was because you forced it. Instead, you’ll know that it progressed naturally and that he’s with you because he wants to be, not because of anything that you did or didn’t do to try to keep him interested in you.

I can tell you like him and want to spend more time with him.  If he really does plan and carry out that face-to-face date, it is going to be a much sweeter and romantic experience if you just leave things up to him and let him be the one figuring out what he needs to do to see and spend time with you!

So, definitely keep getting to know him.  Long-distance dating does have its unique set of challenges because you don’t get to spend as much in-person time together. However, I have several clients who are very happily engaged or married to men who were willing to move across the country and even to an entirely new country in order to be with them! So I know it can lead to lasting love!

If this relationship is meant to be, it will be.  But, in the meantime – until it is actually a relationship – be open to seeing and getting to know other men so that you can be sure about who it is that you want to choose to be Mr. Right-for-You!

Questions?  Comments?  Let us know below!  We love hearing from you!

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