by Gladys Diaz
If you’re dating, you’ve probably heard the term “red flag.” But do you know what a real “red flag” is?
Do you know what you should be watching out for while dating?
Do you know what things make a man “undateable”?
You may be surprised to hear that there aren’t really that many “red flags.” There are some things that you want to be paying attention to, and that’s what we want to focus on today.
While dating, you want to have an open mind and an open heart while still noticing whether or not a man is “datable.” You want to allow yourself to fall in love with someone while not allowing the chemistry or the attraction to be the driving factor.
So, what are some real “red flags” you want to watch out for?
- A man is in another relationship. Whether he’s in the process of breaking up, still married, separated, in the legal process of divorce, they’re working out custody issues, still living together but not in love, or any other reason that keeps them connected to another person, a man who is in any way, shape, or form still involved with someone else is a bright red flag!.
Why is this important to pay attention to?
If someone is willing to date you while they are still in a relationship with someone else, he’s already telling you something about his character.
We have worked with women who were dating someone who was “leaving” their partner, and then 2 years, 4 years, even 7 years down the road , they are still with that other person. Waiting for him to choose them!
You don’t want to set yourself up to lose in dating.
When you hear that someone is in a relationship with someone else and you don’t see that as a red flag, it has to do with your worthiness.
You deserve someone who can and is willing to fully commit to you, And, if you catch yourself pushing that thought to the side, making excuses for him, or justifying his situation to yourself and others, then you get to ask what’s going on for you and why you’re not seeing that you deserve more.
The thought that would come up for me when I was allowing myself to ignore this read flag was “If they have that many options and they want to be with me, then there must be something really special about me.”
Can you hear the unworthiness in that question?
The thing is that this person couldn’t commit himself fully to you even if he wanted to because he’s still committed to someone else.
If he’s willing to be with you while still being with someone else, why would he stay committed to you down the road?
If you’re involved with a man who’s involved with someone else, it’s time to reach out for support so that you can make a choice the empowers you and is aligned with your dream of a happy, loving relationship.
2. A man that has an active addiction. Regardless of what the addiction is, whether it’s alcohol, drugs, pornography, food, gambling, etc, this is a red flag.
Why is this important to look out for?
When someone has an active addiction to something, that thing will always be the priority in his life. That means that you will not be the priority in his life. It’s not that he’s a “bad person,” it’s that he has a problem that takes over his reasoning.
You want to make sure that you’re aware and awake and that you’re not blinded by infatuation, desperation, chemistry, or attraction when choosing who to date and fall in love with.
Too many women mistakenly believe that if they love the man enough, wait long enough, or help him enough, he will choose them over his addiction. It’s a really painful game to play, and one where the woman usually does not win.
Notice your thoughts.Are you pushing something away?
Are you making excuses or justifications about his behavior?
Are you choosing to not notice something that you should be paying attention to?
Ignoring a problem is never the same thing as resolving it. If you’re pushing these thoughts away, it’s time to reach out for support.
3. A man that is physically or emotionally abusive. Is the man you’re with constantly criticizing you, cutting you down or making you the brunt of his jokes? Does he refuse to take responsibility for things and turn everything back around on you?
Does he push, grab, or hit you? Even if he apologizes, cries about it, or promises never to do it again afterwards?
Why is knowing the answers to these questions important?
If you start to feel less than or criticized, especially in the early stages of a relationship, this person is simply not right for you.
Someone who has good intentions is not going to put you down or make you the brunt of his jokes.
If you’ve mentioned that this is hurtful, and he’s sensed that he can get away with this with you, and he continues to treat you this way, he’s not trying to actually win your heart.
If you don’t feel better about yourself when or after you’re with someone, then you shouldn’t be dating him.
When dating or in a relationship with someone, make sure that chemistry doesn’t overpower your integrity.
If you see that you are afraid, denying your values, making excuses, hiding things from your family and friends, and ignoring some really clear warning signs, it is time to get support NOW!
This is where the HeartWork comes into play as a way of raising your own level of self-worth.
When you have high levels of self-love, self-esteem, and self-worth, you know that you deserve better and you don’t settle for anything less.
You notice these red flags and you choose to walk away, knowing that you will attract someone who loves, cherishes, honors, and chooses YOU, and that you can have the loving, peaceful, intimate relationship of your dreams with.
Breaking through the Love Barriers stopping you from having the kind of love you want is one of the most important journeys of your life, and if you’d like support so that you have the tools to overcome self-doubt, not settle for anything less than the extraordinary love you desire and deserve, we’d love to talk to you.
We want you to know not just how to attract a man but how to attract the RIGHT man – someone who will be everything you want and deserve and more!
Let us support you in recognizing what’s missing in your dating and relationship experiences so that you can create the relationship of your dreams now!
Lots of love,
Gladys & Michelle
The Love Twins