by Gladys Diaz
I was speaking with a potential client the other day, and received one of the nicest compliments! Toward the end of the conversation, I asked her what she liked about the information I’d shared with her about how to break some of the recurring patterns that were blocking her from experiencing the type of relationship her heart truly desires. Expecting her response to be about one of the ideas I’d shared, I was pleasantly surprised when she said, “You have a very ladylike manner about you. I’d like to work with you!”
Now, if you’re a self-proclaimed feminists and wondering what the heck the big deal about being called “ladylike” is, let me explain. What I heard was that she was sensing my feminine nature – the essence of who I am as a woman that is light, receptive, and attractive.
Now, why was hearing that important to me, and how might it make a difference for you in dating and relationships?
For years, I leaned very heavily into my masculine energy. I felt that life’s experiences had taught me that I needed to take care of myself. I had a very “me-against-the-world” mentality. This attitude made me very successful in many areas of my life, such as living on my own at the age of 17 and being the first to graduate from college (with honors) in my family, being appointed a leader in almost every organization I have ever belonged to, and becoming the youngest Vice-President in the company in which I used to work (tack on the words “female” and “Latina” to that title, and it was an even bigger deal for me), and dealing with the death of my first husband. In my mind, life was about proving that I could do it all – on my own.
While it was great for my career and getting over life’s hurdles, when it came to being in a relationship, this do-it-yourself mentality was sabotaging me from having the type of experience I really wanted.
See, I had become so used to taking care of myself, that it was difficult to receive help or support from others without feeling like I was being “a burden” or that I owed them something in return. I rarely allowed my husband to make decisions – partly because I was so used to making them myself, but mostly because I didn’t trust anyone else to make the “right decisions.” Even the times when I would go to my husband for help or support, I’d end up either dismissing or contradicting what he said, making him feel as if there was nothing he could do to contribute to me, because I had it all handled myself.
It wasn’t until I began understanding how important it is for a man to feel like he is able to contribute, take care of, and please a woman that I began to see how I was blocking myself from receiving my husband’s love and attention. It took a while for me to understand that, while I was still capable of caring for myself, making decisions, and handling life’s curve balls, now that I was in a relationship, I didn’t have to do it all on my own. I had a partner who was ready, willing, and able to stand next to, help, and support me.
This is when I began to embrace and step into my feminine power.
I began to see that, while I might still have to face some giants in this world, I didn’t have to face them alone. I began to experience the delight of not having to carry the weight of every single decision on my shoulders. And I began to see how the more receptive I was, the more my husband wanted to give and do for me. For the first time in my life, I saw receiving as a gift I was giving myself and the person who was choosing to give to me.
So, whether you are single or in a relationship, I invite you to really begin receiving compliments, offers of assistance, and gifts. If a man wants to hold open the door for you, give you his jacket because he noticed you shivered, or pay for dinner, let him. Give yourself the gift of receiving and let him know you noticed and appreciated the gesture.
If your husband offers to order take-out or make the kids sandwiches so that you don’t have to cook; wants to go on vacation, even though you think saving money would be more practical; or offers to wash the dishes (even if he does them 2 hours after you would have liked them washed), let him. Give yourself the gift of receiving and him the gift of knowing that you’re willing to let him help and care for you.
Being feminine is our natural state of being, And men who are attracted to and want to be in relationship with women are attracted to our feminine essence. So let go of the need to appear as if you’ve got it all handled, and allow yourself to experience the gift of receiving.
The more receptive you are, the more you’ll receive the things your heart most desires!
Comments? Questions? Let us know below! We love hearing from you!
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It’s true that you are a great feminine role model, Gladys. So soft, vulnerable, and receptive. I like that about working with you too. It’s very attractive.
Thank you so much, Laura! I appreciate that so much!
Thank you Gladys for reminding us to be feminine and to accept gifts and compliments. It is hard for me to accept gifts from people in general.
You’re welcome, Yani! Receiving makes us feel vulnerable, which is why we tend to resist it. However, the benefits of receiving, especially in a relationship, are wonderful and the more we practice, the easier it gets! 🙂
I loved reading this. Sometimes I feel I need to be actively conscious of this when I am with a man.
I’m glad you enjoyed it, MR! When we’re not actively conscious of this, we fall into “default mode,” which almost always means we’re trying to control or handle everything ourselves, which cheats us out of the opportunity to receive. It’s a great practice to just allow ourselves to receive, receive, receive! 🙂
Thank you, Gladys, of reminding us to express our feminine side, and allow men to do things for us. You do seem ladylike and feminine when you speak – it’s gracious and sweet and you are a model to me! I have been trying to be more this way, and have been told by 2 men in the past few months that I am a “very sweet woman”.
Thank you so much, Helen! I appreciate that so much! And what a great thing to hear that men notice and respond to the feminine energy you are putting out! Great job being the essence of who you really are! 🙂
ME TOOO!!!
What I have learned from you is graciousness– you always respond to all things with such graciousness- thanking- appreciating… now I am doing that in my life more and more and it changes how I expeirence Life in general!!! xoxo
i believe what is written here is so true, and we are told we are girls or boys and socially treated
as such but are taught so little about what it means to be well.. feminine. i do believe and know i have a lot of feminine energy but here’s the ting, im naturally shy by nature and have been called
“submissive” though im not, but I find the wrong kind of men are attracted to that energy often.
i hate to say it but alot of people in society don’t appreciate true “femininity” or just even polite people. I would like to let down walls and let someone in but too often those men turn out to be jerks.
most women i suppose dont want to chase , pursue and try to maintain relationships with men but these days, it seems like if u don’t ask where things are going u can find yourself being used.
i guess my point is alot of women would LOVE to be more feminine and let the man take the lead and so on but men also need to understand they need to step up and assume their roles also
Thanks so much for commenting, Tia. You are so right when you say that being feminine is not about being submissive. It is part of our natural essence and what gives us the power to be who we are — both in and out of relationships.
I don’t agree, however, that the feminine essence attracts the wrong type of man. I have to say that, in my experience in my own life and in working with my clients, the true feminine spirit brings out the best in a man — a good man. In our work, we’ve found that, when the woman steps back, the man will step up and do whatever is in his power to try to please her. It’s a natural cycle that allows the man to feel like he is able to provide, protect, and please her, while the woman has the experience of being desired, cherished, and adored!
Win-Win! 🙂