by heartsdesireintl | Nov 6, 2019 | Coaching, Dating, Gratitude, heartache, Intimacy, keeping the love alive, Love, Relationship
by Gladys Diaz
Do you have “high standards” or “unrealistic expectations?”
Just think about that for a minute….
This is a HOT topic that we get asked questions about all the time because it can be confusing. We can trick ourselves into thinking we have high standards, when what we really have are unrealistic expectations that are leading to missed opportunities, heartache in relationships, and unnecessary drama.
And men don’t like drama! 😉
So… what’s the difference?
And how can you be sure you know where you are coming from?
Standards
Standards are aligned with your values. They are based on your beliefs, they are good for your life, and protect you from unnecessary harm and heartache.
Having standards in dating looks like not dating someone that does drugs or is addicted to alcohol. It also looks like dating someone who has integrity and does what he says he’ll do.
Standards come from inside of you.
Expectations
Expectations are things that you are “requiring” from someone else and are usually based on a “list” of criteria that you think a person should meet. They are preferences.
Expectations in dating looks like not dating someone who hasn’t gotten a college education or who doesn’t happen to be an entrepreneur. It looks like not dating someone who has/hasn’t been married before or who does/doesn’t already have kids. It also looks like not dating someone who’s an introvert or who isn’t over 6 feet tall.
In relationships, it looks like not appreciating the things your man does for you or always making him feel like he has to be a certain way. It looks like expecting your man to love you no matter how you behave, even when you’.
Expectations are something you’re looking for out there. They have nothing to do with who a person actually is, and everything to do with what you’ve made up about what certain things mean about them.
Expectations come from fear.
They come from what we saw as a child, what we’ve experienced in other relationships, or from an irrational or imagined fear.
So, think about it again… in your relationships, and dating are you coming from a set of standards or are you coming from a set of expectations?
How is that affecting your experience of love and relationships?
What is it costing you to have those unrealistic expectations of others?
What are you afraid is/isn’t going to happen if you don’t stick to your expectations?
We get it. We have both experienced this on both sides of the equation.
When Michelle was dating after her divorce, she was desperately trying to prove that there was nothing wrong with her. She’d experienced a lot of hurt in her past relationship and wasn’t going to go there again. So, she set expectations. He had to be older, he had to be established in his career, and he also had to be divorced with kids so he’d understand how she felt.
She set these expectations thinking she was just doing what was best for herself, but she was protecting and not allowing herself to actually be and get to know the men she was with, which led to a terrible dating experience!
If she’d stayed committed to those preferences, she would have missed out on being married to the amazing man she’s married to today, because he – who was younger, was in transition between careers, had never been married, or had kids – wouldn’t have even shown up on her radar, because he didn’t meet all of those requirements.
For me, I remember experiencing this in my marriage. By thinking that my way was the right way, I was constantly making my husband feel like he wasn’t enough. And, while the words, “You’re not enough” NEVER came out of my mouth and I truly thought I was communicating well and just trying to make him better, it left him feeling unhappy, unsure of himself, and disrespected.
It makes me emotional just thinking about how I made the man that I love more than anything, and who I promised to love no matter what, feel any of those things.
Now, what about you?
What are you currently experiencing in dating and in your relationships? And what do you WANT to experience?
If through reading, you’ve realized that maybe you’re coming more from expectations, it’s okay! You just need to look at that and ask yourself what’s the fear underneath it all that is stopping you from having the experience you want in relationships.
Because once you get to the bottom of the fear, you can start to build up from there.
During our Love Chat with the Love Twins this week, one of our past clients said this :
“Please listen to the Love Twins! Once I got rid of the superficial requirements for a man…like height, hair and even education!! I concentrated on how do i feel… and I found a man who treats me like a Queen. Thank you Gladys and Michelle your HeartWork… it works!”
We want you to experience the relationship of your dreams. To wake up every morning next to the person you love and who loves you in return.
Don’t let your expectations keep you from having that. Because the person you end up with might surprise you and that surprise will be the best gift you give yourself, IF you allow it to be!
Lots of love,
Gladys & Michelle
The Love Twins
by heartsdesireintl | Oct 5, 2019 | Coaching, Dating, Forgiveness, Intimacy, Ready to Love Again, Relationship, Romance
by Gladys Diaz
Do you feel like your intuition is broken?
Do you feel like you don’t know what’s best, or how to make the right decisions?
Do you feel like you can’t trust men? Your friends? Yourself?
That last one’s important, because… if you can’t trust yourself, how are you ever going to be able to trust anyone else?
The other day I was talking to a woman, and, as we were talking, the issue of trust just kept coming up. Finally, I asked, “How many times have you experienced someone cheating on you?” Her answer shocked me for someone for her age. It was over 5 times! As we continued talking, we discovered that the issue of infidelity was something that had been in her family for years. – Of course she has a hard time trusting men!
As women, our biggest need is to feel safe. How can we feel safe with others when we feel we can’t trust the person we’re with?
I was there, too. Because of the alcohol abuse, abandonment, and pretending that I engaged in during in my childhood to hide what was going on in our home from everyone around me, I had trouble trusting people. My thought was, “If I can’t trust my own mother, how am I ever going to trust anyone else, or even myself.
Because of that limiting belief, I wasn’t making the best decisions about who I was allowing into my life, and I kept attracting the wrong guys. I was dating terrible men – mean men who didn’t love, honor, or respect me.
When I started to do my HeartWork, I forgave my mom, my ex-boyfriends, and myself for the choices we had all made. Not long after that, I met Ric. He was so authentic! His honesty was something I found super-attractive. I took my time getting to know him, saw that I could trust myself to choose a good man, and the rest is history! How grateful I am that I learned how to trust??? Very!
Here’s the thing… if you’re feeling like you don’t trust others – especially men – then y consider that you don’t trust yourself.
So…How do you shift that?
Here’s the formula that Michelle and I use with our clients to help them know whether it’s their intuition that’s guiding them or if it’s their fears, limiting beliefs, and superstitions doing the talking.
It’s simple.
If it’s your intuition, then there is evidence of it around you.
If it’s your fears, limiting beliefs, and superstitions then you’re making up the evidence.
What if you can’t tell the difference?
Give yourself some space. Detach from the situation a little bit so that you can see what’s actually happening and what’s not happening.
Take a look and see if maybe you’re making something up that’s not actually happening in reality?
Is a memory being triggered?
Are you choosing to ignore something that is happening?
Are you crossing and not honoring your own boundaries for someone else?
When you take a step back and look at it with new eyes, I promise you you’ll be able to hear what your intuition is telling you!
And then you get to trust it and yourself to make the choice that’s right for you!
If you’re having a lot of trouble trusting others and don’t know where to start, start by forgiving yourself for the choices you’ve made in the past and give yourself permission to move on! Because the time is now.
There are 88 days left in 2019.
Eighty-eight!
Are you living the Love Resolution you made at the beginning of the year?
Are you where you want to be on December 31st, or is there a gap?
If you’re not there yet, the good news is that THERE ARE STILL 88 days to create a real shift!
We have a client who just got a promise ring from her man, and another that is getting married next week! There is still time for YOU to create the love of your dreams in 2019.
If you’re not sure where to start, click here to schedule a complimentary call with us about The Ready to Love Again Program, a 12-month coaching program for single women who want to attract the right man and create the relationship of their dreams (enrollment closes October 8th, so don’t wait!):
Trust yourself and book a Love Breakthrough Session here!
Just a quick note: the only way to reserve a spot in the program is to chat with us, so that together, we can determine whether it’s a good fit for you, right now.
You get to create that love for yourself and what better time than right now?
Lots of love,
Gladys & Michelle
The Love Twins
by heartsdesireintl | Sep 1, 2018 | Dating, Intimacy, Love, Marriage, Relationship, Relationship Advice, Successful Women
by Gladys Diaz
The Most Important Relationship Skill Nobody’s Taught You
If you’re like most women we know, you’ve read the books, listened to the podcasts, joined webinars, and attended courses to learn what it is that it takes to “get a great man” or “get your ex back.”
There is absolutely no shortage of “rules,” tips, tricks, and strategies to “get a man” to choose and love you.
However, the very term of “getting” someone to do something implies that the other person doesn’t want to do the thing you want them to do.
Think about it… If you have to “get” someone to do something, that means that –
- there is something that the other person is resisting
- you are doing all the “hard work”
- there is not a natural flow or ease present – you are having to manipulate or force something to happen in order to get the result you want
I don’t know about you, but when I think about being in love with someone, I don’t want to have to work hard, AND I don’t want to have to force or convince him to want to love me.
So, how do you easily and effortlessly attract a man who can’t resist you and can’t imagine his life without you?
Well, the first thing you do is stop trying so hard to “get” love, and, instead, start tapping into your Irresistible Essence. This is the natural and innate power you have to attract to yourself anything your heart desires – love, prosperity, health – anything.
Due to all of the internal programming you’ve undergone over the course of your life, there are certain things you need to “de-program” or “unlearn” before you can learn the skill of tapping into your Irresistible Essence.
Here are just 2 of the ones that MOST impact strong, successful women:
The Danger of Being Independent
Today, more than ever before in history, women are efficient, capable, and empowered to do and have whatever they want on their own.
We have more opportunities than ever to climb the corporate ladder, have our own businesses, and do work that inspires and fulfills us. No longer does a woman have to depend on a man for her financial stability or survival.
While we still have a way to go when it comes to having true equality, we can’t ignore the signs pointing to the fact that the Dali Lama was correct when he said that the world would be saved by the Western woman.
The downside to this however, is that, inside of discovering that they don’t “need a man” to have the kind of life they want, many women have become so incredibly independent that they have lost touch with their desire to share their lives with a man.
See, there is a big difference between feeling as if you need someone to complete your life and wanting someone to share your amazing life with.
Being so independent that you deny the fact that you want to share your life with a great partner is a form of self-sabotage. While you have some of what you want, you simply won’t feel completely fulfilled if you are denying yourself one of your heart’s desires.
And when this is the case, you actually limit your potential for attracting and manifesting in the other areas of your life, including your career!
The Pretense of Independence
This obsession with being independent also creates a need to pretend to want or not want other things, as well.
For example, please explain why women continue to pretend to want to pay for their half of the bill at the end of a date?
If you’re 100% honest with yourself, you know you don’t want to pay that bill! So why are you reaching for your purse, asking him if he wants you to pay, and then judging him when he says, “Yes”?
Another example: Why do some women feel it’s necessary to pretend that they can do everything themselves?
Look, no one is questioning your ability to care and provide for yourself. No one is questioning that you are a capable, competent woman.
However, just because you are able to do it all yourself, doesn’t mean you have to prove that – especially not in a relationship!
When you are in a relationship, you switch from it being a “me” to a “we.” That doesn’t mean you lose your identity or autonomy. It simply means that, while you probably can do it all on your own, in a relationship, you don’t have to.
Plus, it’s okay to allow a man to court and cherish you. It doesn’t minimize your abilities or competencies. It simply allows you the pleasure of receiving his love, attention, and affection. Why would you want to pretend to not want that?
So, how do you continue being a successful woman AND tap into your Irresistible Essence?
The first step is to tune in and see what some of the fears are around admitting that sharing your life with a great man is something you really want. That takes courage and vulnerability, but as a strong woman, it’s nothing you need to be afraid of. It’s inside of your vulnerability and authenticity that your Irresistible Essence is unleashed!
Yes, embrace your talents, abilities, and successes. Celebrate them! You’ve earned it!
However, remember that, unlike at work, you don’t have to “prove” yourself in order to be loved by the right man. All you need to do is be yourself and allow him the pleasure of getting to know the woman beneath the unstoppable exterior so that he can love that side of you, too!
Without acknowledging the desire to love and be loved and creating space in your life and heart to allow that love to make its way to you, you are actually sabotaging your ability to easily attract it into your life.
And the only way to do that is to acknowledge the desire and then learn how to break down the walls of independence so that you can allow love and partnership to make their way to you.
Being both a strong and independent woman, and a woman who is confident enough to be soft and create an interdependent relationship with a man is empowering and a relationship skill you probably didn’t know you didn’t know.
The irony in this is that it’s one of the most important keys to creating and keeping a happy, loving relationship that fulfills and inspires you for a lifetime!
And, in your heart of hearts, isn’t that what you truly want?
If so, email us and let us know what your vision for having a happy, loving relationship is! We’ll personally respond with what we think your next best steps should be!
by heartsdesireintl | Aug 10, 2018 | Coaching, Dating, Intimacy, keeping the love alive, Love, Marriage, Ready to Love Again, Relationship, Relationship Advice
by Gladys Diaz
If you’ve invested time and money in personal development and spiritual programs that help you shift your mindset, and you’re still not experiencing significant shifts in your love life or relationship, I want to ask you a few questions.
Before you invested in this mindset program did you:
- Know how to date successfully so that you aren’t wasting your time, love, or energy?
- Get trained in the differences between the male and female brain and how we are wired differently?
- Learn and master proven relationship skills that ensure long-lasting love?
- Master effective communication that allow you to express yourself in a way that has your partner hear and respond to you in a loving way?
- Have the opportunity to consistently practice these new skills so that you mastered them and avoided repeating old, self-sabotaging dysfunctional and painful patterns in your relationship?
If you answered “no” to even two of these questions, then you have the answer as to why you don’t have the kind of love you want.
See, no amount of personal work is going to change what happens in your love life or relationship when you don’t actually know and use the skills that create AND sustain lasting love.
You can be confident, think positively, meditate and pray, speak positive affirmations to yourself, visualize, and plaster your walls with vision boards, and this will only get you so far.
It’s like filling your refrigerator with a bunch of healthy food, joining a gym, and buying a ton of cute workout outfits but never prepping your meals or getting on the treadmill — your body and weight are notgoing to change one bit until you stop thinking and visualizing and start taking COMMITTED ACTION.
The same is true when it comes to your love life.
Thinking positively and visualizing what you want can help you begin to set in motion attracting the relationship you want, AND you still need to have the right skills and know the right steps to take so that you can take the right ACTIONS that give you the results you really want.
Like anything else you have ever accomplished that you became masterful at, having a great relationship requires a specific skill set. It just does.
You simply can’t get there by mindset alone.
Having the right mindset AND skill set are both essential, yet too many women keep trying use one without the other. And it simply doesn’t work.
So here’s the deal: It’s time to get committed to learning what it takes to have a real loving and intimate relationship.
One that fulfills you; has you feeling truly loved, accepted, and supported by a high-quality man; and where you know how to keep the love, passion, and intimacy alive for a lifetime.
Enrollment for our next round of our Ready to Love Again (for single ladies) and Keeping the Love Alive (for women in relationships) is closing soon, and we are inviting women who are seriously committed to transforming themselves and their love lives into the community.
You must be someone who is ready to commit to investing in yourself, be willing to be coachable, and do BOTH the inner work as well as learn and apply the skills that will make this transformation happen for you.
These are the programs where our clients learn how to remove and replace the Love Barriers that have been stopping them from having the love they want.
These programs are where you’ll learn how to combine the mindset work with effective and proven dating (if you’re single) relationship and communication skills that will have you experiencing more fun, love, and ease in your relationship.
These are the programs where so many of our clients FINALLY learn the skills that give them the confidence AND ability have and live in the loving, intimate relationship of their dreams!
And these are the programs where you’ll see why nothing else has worked before.
You’ll permanently remove the barriers that are keeping you stuck and finally have the love, life, and happiness your heart desires!
If you know this is you, then reach out.
We are committed to you having the love you desire and deserve, and if we don’t think the program is a good fit, we’ll be honest and give you some recommendations, but we won’t make you an invitation to join.
We’re not going to “sell” you, and we don’t need to, because we only work with women who we feel are ready for to succeed in the program (and their love lives), and our clients’ results really do speak for themselves.
We’re here to work only with the truly committed woman (in actions, not just words) — the woman who already knows that you’re ready to have the relationship you have been dreaming of, and you’re tired of waiting for it to “just happen,” because you KNOW you’re worthy of and ready to receive it now.
Does that sound like you?
Are you feeling it in your body right now — something that is pulling you forward?
Then let’s talk.
We’ve got limited time on our calendar to speak this week (No, that’s not a marketing tactic. We’re busy, just like you are!), so if you’d like a spot, shoot us an email and tell us a little bit about your love life or relationship and what your challenges are right now.
You’re probably doing a lot of things right now that might help you get the love you want, but you may be focusing on the wrong things or doing them in the wrong order. THIS is what we can help you sort through so that you are moving in the direction of your dreams!
Having the right mindset AND the right skills is the key to succeeding in any area of your life. If you’re truly committed to doing the work to learn BOTH so that you can finally have the happy, loving relationship you have always dreamed of, send us an email and let us know what that looks like for you and what challenges you’re having right now. We’ll set up time to talk and tell you exactly what will make a difference NOW!
If you prefer, you can set up a time to talk by clicking here!
by heartsdesireintl | Jun 8, 2018 | breakups, Dating, Heart's Desire International, heartache, Intimacy, Love, Marriage, Relationship, Relationship Advice, Successful Women
by Gladys Diaz
Have you ever asked yourself:
Why don’t I have the relationship that I want?
You’re sad, frustrated, and tired of things not going your way when it comes to love.
You see your friends and co-workers having happy, fun, loving relationships.
You’ve read books, listened to podcasts, watched videos, taken courses, and you still don’t have the loving relationship you want.
We know how painful that can be because we’ve been there.
And so have many of our clients.
As a successful woman, it’s not easy trying to do everything you know to do and still not see the results for your life.
You’re used to setting a goal and hitting it… no matter what.
Things are different when it comes to love, however.
First, everything isn’t dependent on you. You simply cannot make a man want to feel, say, or do what he doesn’t want to do.
Sure, you could try to manipulate, demand, and control him in order to get him to do what you want, but the truth is that, even if he falls for it once, he’ll eventually get tired of the game and move on.
You could also settle for less than what you really want. However, that doesn’t really sit well with a successful woman with high standards and a real desire to be in an extraordinary relationship.
Or you could give up on having the relationship you want. So, you could stay single or believe that the relationship you’re in is beyond saving. Again… not something a successful woman is used to or likes doing!
So, what is the alternative?
Well, you can figure out what it is that’s been getting in the way of you having the kind of love, connection, and commitment you really want to have with a man and then take the steps to remove and replace those thought and behavior patterns so that you can actually experience the love you want!
And, sorry, but that’s not something you can learn from a book or video!
See, while you may gain insight or awareness from a book, podcast, or video, the real work to distinguish, remove, and replace beliefs, triggers, patterns requires guidance to see what is currently in your blind spot.
The reason it’s called a blind spot is because you can’t see it! Not on your own.
This is why you keep telling yourself you’re not going to be the one to call or pursue a man, and yet you keep taking the lead.
It’s why you say you’re not going to continue going out and getting involved with men who aren’t ready to commit, but you end up getting physically intimate before you even really know him or there is any sign of true commitment.
Or, if you’re in a relationship, it’s why you promise yourself that you’re not going to raise your voice or argue about that same issue ever again, and the moment he says or does something, you find yourself in a full-blown argument that lasts hours (or days), costing you time you can be snuggling, loving, and being adored by the man you love.
The first thing to realize is: It’s not your fault.
Again, these are blind spots, and, if you knew how to stop doing these things – exactly which steps to take to completely break these patterns for good – you would be doing that already!
What you need to do is figure out:
- what is causing the same patterns to show up;
- how to break them apart so that they don’t keep showing up in your life; and
- how to replace those patterns with new ones – the kind that will have you experiencing the love, happiness, and intimacy your heart truly desires with a man who deserves to love and be loved by you!
If you know that you’re ready to stop repeating the same patters and creating the same painful results in your life, then you need to commit to taking the right steps.
Michelle and I are attending a personal development training next week, so we can’t offer to have you schedule a time to speak with us. However, we really want to help and be here for you, so we’re doing the next best thing!
All you need to do is email us and share with us the primary pattern that keeps showing up in your love life and why you’re committed to stopping it.
One of us will read your email and respond by giving you some clear coaching on how you can stop that pattern and create a new one that will give you the results you want in love.
Because we’ll be in all-day trainings, you may get your email response at weird hours of the day or night, but you will get the answers you want!
Remember, it really isn’t your “fault” that you haven’t been able to break the patterns. If you knew what to do, you would have already done it. However, if you really want to change the results you’ve been getting in your love life, it is up to you to take the right steps to do that.
So, go ahead. Email us share your primary pattern, and one of us will respond with clear and proven steps you can take to break the pattern and start getting the love you want!
by heartsdesireintl | Jun 2, 2018 | Communication, Heart's Desire International, heartache, Intimacy, Love, Marriage, Relationship Advice
by Gladys Diaz
Let me ask you…
What is the most important thing to you, when it comes to romantic relationships?
If you’re like the majority of the women, you’re answer is probably something like, “I want to be with someone who loves and accepts me exactly the way I am.”
Not too much to ask for, right?
Who doesn’t want to be fully loved and accepted?
The problem is that, while many people say they want to be unconditionally loved, not all of them are BEing unconditionally loving.
Don’t believe me? Have you ever said something like this about your partner:
“If only he would ______, THEN we could be happy.”
Or, what about:
“The only reason we’re not happy is because he ____.”
Listen, I know there are things about your partner you may not like. I’ve been with my husband for 19 years. I love him with all my heart… AND… there are things he does that I don’t like.
For years, I tried to convince, encourage, and persuade him to be less angry, more peaceful, less negative, and more positive.
I read him articles and book excerpts, I gave tons of unsolicited advice. Heck, I even took him with me to course, saying that it was “for us,” and then we weren’t allowed to even sit together for 3 full days!
On the way home, in the middle of an argument about the course, we stopped at a red light. He turned to me, looked me straight in the eye and said, “When are you going to stop trying to fix and change me? I haven’t changed. THIS is who you married. THIS is who you promised to love!”
In the moment, I wanted to say, “I’m not trying to fix and change you!”
I wish I could have, but I couldn’t.
He was right.
All of the “helpful” suggestions, videos, books, and courses I would share with him were because I wanted him to change so that we could be happy.
What I didn’t realize is that with every suggestion, paragraph, and quote I shared, I was sending the man I promised to love forever the message that I didn’t truly love and accept him.
Thanks to that…um… “conversation,” I realized what I was doing and the impact it was having on my marriage. Shortly after, I began focusing all of my reading, studying, and coursework on learning how I could be more loving and accepting.
I took the focus off of him and put it all onto becoming the best version of me.
I began learning how to say what I thought, felt, and wanted in a way that focused on me and my needs, and not on what he wasn’t doing to meet them.
I started really listening to my husband and seeking to understand him and his viewpoints and opinions.
And something AMAZING happened!
In a few short months, we were laughing again.
He was being more positive and peaceful.
We were barely arguing.
And the romance and fun was back in our marriage!
Who knew that focusing on ME would inspire HIM to change?
(By the way, those are HIS words, not mine!)
I don’t know what you are going through in your marriage, but if you are tired of telling your husband what he needs to do or do differently, how he needs to change, and all of the reasons why he’s responsible for your unhappiness, AND you want to change that dynamic to one where there is really unconditional love and happiness in the relationship, then wouldn’t it make sense to figure out how to do that?
Wouldn’t it be worth it to learn how to easily turn arguing and the “me vs. you” dynamic in the relationship into truly connecting and into a “you and me” dynamic?
If that’s what you want for yourself and your relationship, then CLICK HERE and share with me what the biggest challenge you are facing in your relationship is.
I promise to respond to your message and give you some real next steps you can take to start turning your relationship around so that you can finally have the happy, loving, peaceful relationship you really want!
You don’t have to go through years of making the same mistakes I made.
Let’s figure out what you can do to make your relationship the kind of happy, unconditionally loving relationship you’ve always wanted!
CLICK HERE! I’m here to help!
It doesn’t have to be hard. I promise!
