Guest post by Katie Miranda
The other day, I received a beautiful gift from one of my clients, Katie. She is a talented artist and jewelry designer with a wonderful sense of humor, and, in her beautifully creative way, she drew an illustration to go along with her testimonial about how she went from being a 40-something, cat-loving, divorcee who had lost hope in finally finding her true love to a now blissfully happy bride-to-be!
I was so moved by the gift that I knew I had to share it! So, here it is — Katie’s testimonial on why she didn’t end up marrying her cat!
“Why Gladys is the Reason I Didn’t Marry My Cat”
Your married friends, your parents, your grandparents are all telling you to stop being so picky and settle down and get married.
God knows your parents didn’t face the dating challenges you are: the swiping, the ghosting, the cute guy/girl who turns out to not look at all like his/her picture, the “u r hot. what r u doing?” messages…
They tell you to “stop being so picky,” but what does that mean? Does it mean “settling”?
No, not at all! It means expanding your horizons and letting go of limiting beliefs.
Here’s an example of what that meant for me.
So, there I was in 2015, a 40-year old woman, and the ink was just drying on my divorce paperwork. “Doomed to a life of cat lady spinsterhood” was the expression I saw on other people’s faces when I told them my age and marital status.
But I wasn’t giving up.
After all, now that I was divorced, I finally knew what wanted and DIDN’T want, right?
I hired Gladys to help me, because she had what I wanted: a happy, stable, long term marriage. I knew I could learn from her.
Gladys told me to make a list of primary qualities I wanted in my future husband: My list included:
3) financially stable
4) leads a healthy lifestyle
5) no children living with him
Tall order, you say, for a 40-year old divorcé?
The thing is, these were non-negotiable for me.
1) I had to be attracted to him.
2) Since I am Muslim I wanted to meet someone who would fast Ramadan with me, go on the hajj pilgrimage with me and do our prayers together. It was a matter of sharing the same values and being on the same page and I couldn’t get that with a non-Muslim.
3) My ex-husband was dependent on me financially and this caused a lot of problems in the marriage. I knew I didn’t want to go through that again.
4) What this meant to me is that I couldn’t live with a couch potato or someone who smoke or drank. I’m active and healthy and I wanted someone who shared these values.
5) I did not want to live with someone else’s kids or to be put in a step-mother role Not that there is anything wrong with that. It just wasn’t for me.
These things, weren’t “checklist items” for me. They reflected the values and character traits that I wanted to attract in the man of my dreams – a man who was spiritual, trustworthy, responsible, and ambitious. I wanted to share my life with a man I could trust and who inspired me.
Oh! I also had a list of secondary qualities, one of which, in my head, was a primary quality:
6) He has to have been born or at least raised in the US.
You see, my ex-husband was not born and raised in the US and I believed that one of the primary reasons for our divorce was a clash of cultures. (In reality, that wasn’t it, it was that he didn’t fit with some of my primary values.) I was dead set on never considering anyone who hadn’t been in the US for at least their teenage years. And no Saudis. Definitely no Saudis. I have a girlfriend who was married to a Saudi and the horror stories she told… Wow! Can’t have any guy telling me I have to cover my hair or that I can’t drive a car, right?
By the time 2016 rolled around, I had met and chatted with quite a few men over various Muslim and non-Muslim apps and sites. No one was a good fit; I was wracking up quite a collection of my own horror stories.
And then on Twitter, of all places, a cute guy DM’d me after I posted a photo from a café in Portland I had been to that day. He said he had also been there that day, but we had not seen each other. We chatted a little and then he asked me out for coffee. I looked at his profile and it said he lived in Al Qatif and Portland. I didn’t know where Al Qatif was, but I took a guess it was in Saudi Arabia and, sure enough, it was.
Oh no, not a Saudi! Too bad, cuz he was cute!
And it seemed we had a lot of shared interests, judging by his Twitter timeline. That’s the thing with Twitter, you can actually get a pretty good idea of what the person is actually into. He was into hiking, and nature, Bernie Sanders, cats, and women’s rights, just like me!
Hmm, not exactly my stereotype of a Saudi… I wonder….
I cautiously agreed to go out to coffee and told Gladys I was concerned that he wasn’t born in the US and what would we truly have in common. I wanted to be able to sing the 80’s pop songs I grew up with in the car with my future husband. I thought this was a non-negotiable quality. In reality, it was an ego-based quality, not a values-based quality.
The funny thing is, one day we were in the car and he was singing something over and over.. “It’s a croo, croo, croo summer, leading me hero…” Eventually, I figured out that this was his interpretation of Bananarama’s “Cruel Summer,” a song he heard constantly growing up because there was an American radio station in Saudi Arabia.
“It’s a cruel, cruel summer Leaving me here on my own”
We had a good laugh about that.
He does know all the 80’s songs I grew up with! Hmmmm… I wonder…
Fast forward a year and a half, and we are planning our wedding! He is everything on my primary list and more. Oh, and he really loves my cat too!
If I had nixed him because he didn’t grow up in the US or because of my prejudices about Saudis, (I’d only ever met one Saudi before him, by the way!), I would have nixed the love of my life.
When I hear women saying, “Well, he has to be a Pakistani, like me” or “He must be my exact religious sect”, or “He has to make a certain amount of money per year”, or “He has to be at least 6 feet tall,” I wonder what kind of amazing guys they might be missing out on. What if the man of your dreams makes $5000/year less than your requirement, or he is 5’11”?
Are you willing to miss out on the love of your life based on some numbers?
These are ego-based desires, not values-based desires. Just like my desire to meet and marry a man who was raised in the US.
Gladys helped me figure out what my desires were that were values-based so that I didn’t get caught up in ego-based desires and decline that date with my future husband.
The month before I met my fiancé, I asked Gladys what the one quality her clients who met the man of their dreams all shared. She said it was the belief that they would meet him.
That really stuck with me and I committed to believing I would meet my future man, and I did!
Good luck to all the single ladies out there. I know how hard it can be.
If you truly believe you will find your match and you’e willing to let go of limiting beliefs about what that person has to be, you will.
And, if you need help, like I did, talk to Gladys!
If you’re tired of letting your fears and doubts stop you from experiencing the love that you truly desire, we invite you to schedule time to speak with Michelle or me so that we can help you break through your fears and break through to love!
by Gladys Diaz
Is there a man in your life that you’ve been afraid to let go of – either because you won’t break up or leave him, or because you’re still holding onto the memory of him?
Do you know that the very act of not letting go is what is stopping you from welcoming the right man – the one who is ready to love you NOW – from coming into your life?
Don’t believe me?
Just ask my client, Osmara!
If you follow us on Facebook, you saw the picture I posted earlier this week of the 3 new engagement rings 3 of my clients are sporting!
Yes! That’s right! In the past 2 months, 3 beautiful women who once thought that they would never find the right man for them got engaged to the love of their lives! And we couldn’t be happier for them!
You see that beauty on the left? That one belongs to Osmara!
Osmara and I have been friends for a while and I’ve seen her go through both happy and painful times in her love life. After knowing each other for a few years, she began working with me as a client, and I was able to help her through a very difficult relationship and break up.
Well, rather than me telling you her story, here’s the comment she left in the FB post about her journey to love:
We first started working together when I was single in 2012 and ready to find love. Soon after, I manifested a man who would be my boyfriend for a year and a half. In this relationship (and the subsequent ending) I would be broken open and impelled to connect with myself on the deepest of levels.
When we broke up I was still holding on because I thought he was “the one” and I was scared he was “as good as it got.”
Talk about Lack Mentality!
You held my hand during very dark, scary times… And I will never forget that.
I could write a whole blog post on this story and maybe one day I will…
I was so infatuated with this relationship that I didn’t even realize, I actually met my fiance and future husband (I love saying that!) when I was with my ex! He was at a seminar we attended and I would have never guessed he’d be my true ONE then.
So I picked up the pieces of my shattered illusions and licked my wounds and came to love me and stand strong as just me. Single, in my solitude, I learned to come home to myself.
Then last September, Ash, my fiance, unexpectedly came into my life. Our first conversation was only
meant to be 45 min and it went on for over 4 hours. That was the first of many conversations that went on for hours and hours.
I’ve never felt more at home than w him. It’s not an effort or work, it flows. That’s not to say we don’t have to work on our s**t or that we don’t bump heads because, oh, boy, yes we do!
But the work I did with you, Gladys, helped prep me to be able to accept this love that is everything I’ve been dreaming of. It helped me to see where I was holding on to the old because of fear. And I’m so glad I let go, because right as I did, in a matter of days, mi amor (my love) came right into my reality.
Eternally grateful, humbled, and inspired. xx
Isn’t that amazing?
The man of her dreams was standing right in front of her all along, but she couldn’t see him because she was too afraid to let go of a relationship that was causing her more pain and heartache than she ever needed to feel.
It was only when she had the courage to let go and love herself more than she loved him that she was able to come to the place where she was ready to love and be loved again!
Maybe you can relate to this story…
Maybe you are so afraid to let go of the man who is not right for you, isn’t committing to you, or is not loving you the way you want and deserve to be loved because you are so afraid of being alone.
Maybe you’re afraid that you won’t ever find someone you connect with or love as much as him.
Or maybe you’re afraid that there isn’t anyone out there who can love you the way you dream of being loved.
Whatever your reason for not letting go, you need to realize that, in holding onto him, those clenched hands aren’t able to open up and receive the love that’s already there for you!
I’m not saying it’s “easy” to do. But, with the right support and guidance, you can do the Heart Work release yourself from a painful relationship and open your heart to give and receive the love your heart most desires.
Remember: You can still love him and choose to love yourself enough to let him go.