by Gladys Diaz
I’m writing to this post right after going for a run… A real run!
What I mean is that, lately, I’ve been sort-of-kind-of-running, which means I’ve been walking a lot more than running during my 5K runs (and that’s on the days that I actually get out there). This past Monday, however, I finally got real with myself about how I’ve been playing with regard to my fitness and health, and I made a commitment to myself that I was going to have the best run I’ve ever had!
I started out strong and felt really good when I saw that I was going at a faster pace than I had ever run! Half-way through the run, however, I began feeling a really bad pain in my knee. I slowed down a bit, but kept running. Toward the end of my run, the pain was pretty intense, so I chose to start walking a little earlier than I normally would to cool down, just so that I could make it home.
I realize some might say that I should have “listened to my body” a little earlier. I did. I heard my body loud and clear, and it was saying: This is why you need to be consistent!
See, when I first started running, I dealt with knee pain almost every time I ran. After a few months of consistent training, however, I was running pain-free! My body had adjusted to the movements I was having it make, and I was able to run longer and faster without having to ice my knees after each run.
If I had continued training the way I was a few months ago, running several times a week and working out in between runs, it’s highly unlikely that I would have been in the pain I found myself in on Monday.
So… What does any of this have to do with you and your love life? A lot!
See, the same thing holds true when it comes to practicing new relationship skills.
When you first begin practicing a new way of communicating with and reacting and responding to the man you are dating or in a relationship, things feel a little (or more than a little) uncomfortable.
It takes some mental effort to remember not to snap back, criticize him or complain, rather than simply say how you are feeling and what you would like.
It doesn’t feel natural to be vulnerable, rather than “on guard,” protecting yourself against “the enemy.”
It feels a little painful to realize that many of the things you’d been saying and doing before you chose to change were actually hurting the intimacy in your relationship, rather than making it stronger.
That’s why there are 3 things you can to do ensure that the new skills and practices stick and become natural for you:
- Get Real with YOURSELF about Yourself. The first step in making any type of real change is to get real with yourself about what’s not working. And, while it’s always easier to look at what someone else (meaning him) could or should be doing differently, the truth is that you (1) you can’t control anyone other than yourself, and (2) by looking outside of yourself, you’re actually saying that someone or something other than you has the power to create your happiness. In order for a change to become permanent, you need to want to make it yourself and for yourself. Yes, the positive changes you make will impact and benefit your man, too, but commit to making these changes for yourself – because you want to be able to experience happiness, love, and peace and you know the power to create this lies in your hands.
- Practice the Skills Consistently and Over Time. The more consistently you practice new relationship skills, the more likely they are to become habits, and the faster those habits will become new ways of being in your life and relationship. When practiced over an extended period of time, you “train your brain” to begin listening, thinking, and responding in these new ways. This allows your ability to communicate effectively and create and experience what you want in a relationship will flow naturally, with grace and ease!
- Work with Someone Who Will Hold You Accountable. Trying to make changes on your own, without support or accountability, is pretty much setting yourself up to either fail or have the changes take a lot longer than they need to. That need to do things on your own, to not allow someone to stand and be there for you is all part of your need to be in control, and comes from a fear of intimacy. The truth is that while you are capable of making changes on your own, resisting help or encouragement from someone else may be one of the reasons you are struggling to create intimacy in your relationships. Having someone who believes in and wants you to succeed hold you accountable is not a sign of weakness or that you aren’t capable of doing it on your own. Instead, it’s a sign of strength and the commitment you are making to yourself.
In my business, I have a coach and a group of colleagues who are my accountability partners. We only listen for one another’s greatness and don’t allow each other to sell out on ourselves and the goals we’ve set. In my fitness, I’ve asked my husband to be my accountability partner. He has completely transformed his lifestyle and has an unwavering commitment to working out and training over the past several years, so I want to make sure that I have someone like that on my side – someone who already has already achieved the results I want to achieve and who can help support and guide me on my way (plus, he won’t let me off the hook at all!).
If you’re ready to begin working with someone to help you reach your relationship goals, then I encourage you to set up a time to speak with me. The women who are my clients will tell you that I don’t let them sell out on themselves, that I sometimes stand for and believe in them more strongly than they do for themselves, and that I encourage them to move past the excuses, “reasons,” and barriers that are standing in the way of them achieving and experiencing the love they want to have in their lives.
That’s my commitment to you.
Now it’s up to you to commit making the changes you want to make.
The hard facts are that there are only 3 months left to make this year really count and I only have one spot opening up in my private coaching practice next month. So, stop putting it off, making excuses as to why you “can’t change” or why your situation is different, and just click here to let me know you want to talk. I’ve blocked off 3 slots in my calendar this week so that I can make sure that no one takes them unless it’s someone who is ready to get started NOW.
So, if you’re ready to get real with yourself and get consistent, I’m happy to talk about working with and holding you accountable and looking to see if the coaching program is a good fit for you!
I believe in you and I know that the love and happiness you dream of are possible for you! Let’s get started, get consistent, and make dreams happen!
By the way, that run I was telling you about? I did run my best time yet (shaved off 10 minutes!), even with having to walk at the end, and I’ve been consistent all week long! There is something to be said about making a commitment and honoring it!
Questions? Comments? Let us know below! We love hearing from you!
