by Gladys Diaz

I am a woman in my late forties, and have no trouble attracting men. However, once I have attracted them I have a very hard time letting them know that the attraction is mutual. I find it almost impossible to even smile at them. I am very aware that I am getting in my own way on my path to love. How can I uncover what is causing this pattern, and how do I overcome it?

I want to begin by acknowledging you for being self-aware enough to recognize that you are the one actually standing in the way of attracting the love you want. Many women would make it about the men, rather than themselves, so you’re definitely on the right path to creating a breakthrough for yourself in this area!

In my experience, one of the first things a man notices, which lets him know that It’s “safe” to come over and speak to a woman is her smile.  A smile usually attracts attention and lets men know that you are approachable, which makes leads me to believe that, at some point, you are actually smiling, and then, once a man comes over to and shows interest in you, you tend to not be comfortable with the attention.

So the question is, what is it that makes you uncomfortable about a man being attracted to you?

Sometimes, the answer to this question is pretty simple.  It usually has to do with how you see yourself.  It may be that, as attracted as men are to you, you still don’t fully love and accept yourself exactly the way you are.  Think about it this way, if you were secure about yourself, your worth, and what you bring to the table, there would be no reason to allow a man to get to know you.  You would feel comfortable just “being” yourself and then allowing him to choose whether or not he’d like to continue getting to know you by asking you out.

Instead, by not smiling, you are almost guaranteeing that he will get the message that (1) you are not interested in him, and (2) you have no desire for him to pursue getting to know you.  This can make the conversation awkward, as he may feel confused, having gotten the message before coming up to you that you were approachable, and then getting a message that you’d like him to stay away.  The chances of him asking you out on a date, if this is the vibe he is getting from you, are slim-to-none.  As confident as a man is, he doesn’t want to be rejected any more than you do, so he’s likely to protect himself and move on to someone who’s sending a clearer message about what she would like.

The issue may also have to do with the meaning you are giving to smiling and letting him know that the attraction is mutual.  Is there a part of you that thinks that, once he starts getting to know you, he won’t be interested in getting to know you better?  Is there something about yourself you’re afraid he will discover and not like/accept, so you’re trying to avoid giving him the chance to connect with you so that you don’t have to experience that rejection?  If so, it could be that you haven’t brought love and acceptance to that part of yourself.  If this resonates with you, perhaps it’s time to bring love, forgiveness, and acceptance to that part of yourself so that you can begin to open up to and experience the love that is already waiting for you.

And, finally, remember that a smile is simply a way to attract attention without any intention.  In other words, even if someone is attracted to and begins speaking with you, there are no strings attached, no obligation for it to go any further than a conversation, unless it’s what you want.  So, whether or not he asks you out on a date, you still get to choose whether you’d like to go out with and get to know him better.

So, my advice to you is: Relax.  Smile.  Be Yourself. Don’t allow your fears about what may or may not happen cheat you out of receiving a man’s attention and having fun as you get to know one another.  I can hear that you want to get on the path to discovering and experiencing love.  It’s time to remove the barriers that have been stopping that love from finding its way to you!

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