by Gladys Diaz

Working with women from around the world of all ages and in all stages of relationships – single, dating, and married – it’s always interesting to see some of the things we all share in common.  One of the things that we’ve found is how quickly we women tend to “sell-out” on ourselves and on what we really want.

We tend to think that it’s “humble” or “generous” to put other people’s needs above our own.  We tend to put aside what we want, thinking that it will somehow make us appear more loving.  We’ll even deny that we want something – like being in a loving, happy, fulfilling, and passionate relationships —  and then wonder why we’re not in one!

One of the first things we do when we work with single women is to get them focused on what they want in a relationship.  And, please, note that I said what they want, not who they want.  It’s not about the guy.  It really isn’t!  It’s about YOU and what you want to experience in a relationship.  It’s about getting really real with yourself and stop pretending that you don’t want to be in the type of relationship where you feel loved and protected and simply adored!

Because here’s the truth, ladies:

If you don’t know what you want, you’ll settle for what you think you can get!

There’s nothing “wrong” with wanting to be in a great relationship – one that is filled with love, intimacy, honesty, open communication, and passion! Thinking that wanting to love and be loved by someone somehow makes you “weaker” or less powerful is not only total BS, but it’s more damaging than you think!  Anytime we deny ourselves something that our heart truly desires, we are being completely inauthentic with ourselves and others, impacting our sense of vitality (the feeling of being alive), and causing resentment to grow.  On the surface, it may seem like we resent men, saying that they “don’t know what they want,” or “can’t commit,” but the truth is that the resentment filling our hearts – making them hard and cold – is really resentment toward ourselves.  We may be able to pretend and lie to others, but we know our own heart’s desires.

We know that, if we could put our fears aside – just for a bit – and get real with ourselves about what we want and what would make us truly happy, a loving, fulfilling relationship would be right at the top of that list!  And, make no mistake about it, it’s fear that makes us want to pretend that we’re “fine” without being in a relationship.

So, what is it that we’re so afraid of?

1. We’re afraid that admitting wanting to be in a relationship makes us “weak” and threatens our independence. Wanting to be in a great relationship doesn’t mean you’re unable to take care of yourself.  It just means you don’t have to – not all the time, anyway!  You will still be able to take care of your needs, provide for yourself, and be a capable, strong, and powerful woman.  The difference is that, there’s someone there who is willing to contribute to your life and who, during the times when you’re not feeling completely “invincible,” is there to provide you with a shoulder to lean on, encouragement, and place to call home.
2. We’re afraid that we’ll “lose” our identity. Many women are so used to turning themselves inside out and all the way around to try to fit into the image of what they think the guy they are with wants in a woman that they feel like they “lose” themselves every time they are in a relationship.  Some are afraid that they’ll have to somehow sacrifice their professional success and  all the things they’ve worked so hard to achieve to be in a relationship. The man who will step in and fulfill your dreams is going to fall in-love with YOU – ALL of you! You don’t need to pretend or “perform” or try to do anything to impress him.  He’s going to be attracted to the irresistible woman you are.
3. We’re afraid we won’t get what we want.  One of the main reasons we deny what we want is because, on some level, we think we won’t get it.  We’re so afraid of being disappointed or heartbroken that we’ll actually choose to go at it alone, to hide the fact that we long to be loved and accepted for who we are, and we’ll put on an air of invincibility to hide from and protect our vulnerability.  Many of us also believe that in order to have this wonderful relationship, we’ll have to “sacrifice” the happiness we have in another.  This is why so many women will deny tht they want a relationship and throw themselves, into succeeding in their careers.  This at least makes them feel financially secure and gives them the sense that they can at least have some control over their “happiness. This fear that we’ll have to choose between professional success and having a fulfilling romantic life perpetuates our belief that we’re not able to have everything what desire for our lives.  So we create a self-fulfilling prophecy and gather evidence to support our belief that we’ll never get what we want, anyway, so why bother?

Moving past these fears can be difficult, because they are hidden.  They are so hidden, in fact, that we’re not even aware that they exist!  Rather than being able to see that our fear of being hurt, taken advantage of, or unloved is simply a thought we have, we believe that our fears are real and we will say that we’re perfectly happy being alone, even though we know in our hearts that we really do want to share our lives with someone who loves us as much as we love them!  So we live our lives allowing the fears to take over, and instead of creating and living in the life of our dreams, we sell out and settle for what we think we can get.

AND it doesn’t have to be this way!

Helping women to see and remove the fears that are stopping them is only part of the amazing work we’ll be doing in our new course “Being ‘The Invincible Woman’ at Work and ‘The Irresistible Woman’ in Your Love Life!”  In this course, women will begin to uncover the fears that have been stopping them from attracting the love their hearts desire.  Once uncovered, we will begin to dismantle the fear, clear it out of the way, and create a new opening through which love can enter!  We’ll also be discussing how to transition from being “invincible” in the workplace (which really works at work, since it helps us soar to the top of our industry or profession and achieve professional success) to becoming the irresistible woman in your love life.  You’ll learn about the “business skills” that propel us in the workplace but intimacy in a relationship.  And we’ll show you how to step into becoming the woman you were created to be – a loving, empowered, woman who embraces her feminine energy and is absolutely irresistible to men so that you can attract the man who is perfect for you!

So, register now to secure your spot and take a step toward making 2013 the year that your every dream and heart’s desires become realities!

P.S. If you missed the free Teleclass we held on Wednesday on “Having it ALL!: Being ‘The Invincible Woman’ in the Workplace and ‘The Irresistible Woman’ in Your Love Life!” not to worry, you can listen to the recording by clicking here!

Comments? Questions? Let us know!  We love hearing from you! 🙂