by Gladys Diaz
This week I found myself dealing with many disappointments. I’m usually a pretty positive person, but I have to admit that I had more than a few moments of frustration, sadness, and crying sessions. Working myself through the disappointment took a willingness to just be with the feelings, rather than resisting them; be responsible for the role I’d played in having things turn out the way they did; and courage to dust myself off and pick myself up again! I also discovered that, as disappointing as a situation may be, the lessons learned are part of the journey and that, if I can be open to seeing what those lessons are, I am one step closer to achieving my goals and dreams.
It’s no different when it comes to dating in relationships. Whether you’re disappointed that you’re not attracting the kind of man you’d like to share your life with, or you’re disappointed about the way a conversation with your husband or boyfriend went, it’s how you choose to deal with the disappointment can affect how beneficial the learning experience can be.
So, what are some ways that you can effectively deal with disappointments in relationships?
- Allow yourself to feel whatever it is you are feeling. Trying to resist feeling sad, upset, or disillusioned is futile. As the saying goes: “What your resists persists,” so give yourself permission to feel what you’re feeling. The key to getting to the other side of the disappointment, however, is to avoid wrapping yourself in the feeling and staying “stuck” there. Instead, acknowledge what you’re feeling, allow yourself to feel it, and, then let it go. The other day, my sister and I gave each other permission to vent about an issue we were having for 10 minutes. Once those 10 minutes were over, we moved on to seeking solutions! It was great because we didn’t have to go through making one another wrong for feeling how we were feeling or pretending that we weren’t feeling that way, which deepened the intimacy we share.
In a romantic relationship, you may want to give yourself a “time out” before sharing how you are feeling. Why? Because at times, our emotions are super-charged at the moment of disappointment, and we may end up saying or doing something we’re later going to regret, thus adding to the disappointment. So, it’s much better to sort through what it is that you are feeling – perhaps by venting with someone who is not a part of the situation – before choosing to share those feelings with our partner.
- Take responsibility for the role you played in the situation. Whether a mistake was made, something could have been done differently, you said or did something that contributed to the situation, or you fueled the flames by defending your point of view or making the other person wrong, own the role you played in how things turned out. Taking responsibility is not about assigning fault or blame. It’s simply about being willing to acknowledge what you did or said that contributed to the situation. This is important, because, once you take responsibility for the role you played in the situation, you can also take the credit for helping to turn things around! So, rather than defend yourself or assign blame to others, just take responsibility for the part you played so that you can move forward. Which brings us to the next point:
- Avoid staying stuck in the muck. I don’t know about you, but I really don’t enjoy failing, making mistakes, or having things turn out differently than I imagined. I prefer success a whole lot more! However, sometimes, after having experienced a disappointment, it can be difficult to want to try again. We fear having to experience the sting of disappointment again, and this can cause us to want to want to quit and stop trying. The problem, however, is that, until we’re willing to step out of the muck and try again, we’ll never truly know what we’re capable of creating.
So, if you’re disappointed with regard to your experience with dating, revise your online profile, look for another online site that may be more to your liking, and trying out new places and activities where you might meet potential suitors. If you’re disappointed with the level of love and romance in your relationship, do something fun and romantic with or for your partner. And if you feel as if you’re struggling to make your relationship work, reach out a relationship coach or someone you know who can help you see what you may be able to do turn things around. There is always help and there’s always hope!
And throughout all of this, remember that, as painful and uncomfortable as the disappointment may seem, there are life and love lessons to be learned at every moment – each one another stepping stone in your journey. And every time you choose to have the courage to identify what those lessons are and apply them in your life and relationships, you are one step closertoward achieving your dreams and fulfilling your heart’s desires!
Comments? Questions? Let us know below! We love hearing from you!
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SO important to take responsibility for your own choices and actions! Definitely learning this lesson now and I’m glad I’m learning it at a young age! It will serve me well, I know. Thanks for the support and reminder, Gladys!
You’re welcome, Julie! Taking responsibility empowers us to accept what happened, the role we played in it happening, and how to change the things we can control! I’m glad you appreciated the article! <3
Gladys / Michelle,
I’m so proud of both of you!!! You are amazing!!!
Your posts are always right on track, and your titles are just amazing (I wish I could create such alluring titles for my own blog posts about organizing! )
Everytime your posts come out, I read them right away and send them all over the country to women I know who need to hear what you have to say.
Thank you for doing the work that you do! Women everywhere need you. I credit you both for my wonderful relationship with a wonderful man! I could *never* have found him (or kept him) without your help and guidance! Your programs, your messages, and your advice are right-on!!!
You two are angels on the planet!!!
Thank you, over and over and over again!!!
Marsha Sims
Wow, Marsha! Thank you so much for the acknowledgement and the love and support you have for us and the work we do! Nothing makes me happier than knowing that you are experiencing the love and happiness you desire and deserve with such a great man! I hope you can feel the love I am sending your way! ~ Gladys
Gladys,
This blog is one of my favorites to date! What absolutely great advise! And what I love most, is that you actually practice what you preach!
This week has been a “doozy”, and being able to say what was on our mind and then moving past it is a gift! Thank you for your compassionate and generous listen, and of course your love!
I love you sis!
Michelle
Gladys,
This blog is one of my favorites to date! What absolutely great advise! And what I love most, is that you actually practice what you preach!
This week has been a “doozy”, and being able to say what was on our mind and then moving past it is a gift! Thank you for your compassionate and generous listen, and of course your love!
I love you sis!
Michelle
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Marsha,
Thank you so much for your beautiful words! What you have been able to create from attending our workshops is the reason we created them, and the reason we will continue to offer them! I am so happy for you, and feel blessed to know you. Thank you for sharing the L-O-V-E!
Love you!
Michelle
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Wow!!!!!! What a great post! Right on time! It’s so rewarding knowing where to go when I need coaching 🙂 I have been dealing with dismantling the huge mess I have created in my relationship with my fiancé… and voilà! Thank you Gladys!
I got that disappointment comes along with unmet expectations… and its so hard not to expect things to go a certain way (my way of course) lol!!!! and sometimes its even harder not to give it a little “push”…. and right after? I’m in trouble!
I got that I haven’t even take the time to experience my feelings and acknowledge them, much less letting go. I have been “stuck” investing a lot of time lately in my head, negative thoughts, and making myself wrong for making him wrong and mostly wanting to be in control. Huh!!! Exhausting!
This is so inspiring! I think its time to create the weekend I want: In love, In peace, In intimacy, In communication, In harmony 🙂
Thank God for a post like this 🙂 Love ya!
You’re welcome, Karen! I’m so glad that you read the article at just the right moment and that you saw so much for yourself! I can hear your commitment to feeling the feelings and letting them go and to creating a wonderful weekend with your fiancé! I’m glad I got to play a little part in that! Love you, too!
Wow!!!!!! What a great post! Right on time! Its so rewarding knowing where to go when I need coaching 🙂 I have been dealing with dismantling the huge mess I have created in my relationship with my fiancé… and voilà! Thank you Gladys!
I got that disappointment comes along with unmet expectations… and its so hard not to expect things to go a certain way (my way of course) lol!!!! and sometimes its even harder not to give it a little “push”…. and right after? I’m in trouble!
I got that I haven’t even take the time to experience my feelings and acknowledge them, much less letting go. I have been “stuck”investing a lot of time lately in my head, negative thoughts, and making myself wrong for making him wrong and mostly wanting to be in control. Hugh!!! Exhausting!
This is so inspiring! I think its time to create the weekend I want: In love, In peace, In intimacy, In communication, In harmony 🙂
Thank God for a post like this 🙂 Love ya!
Karen
Thanks, Gladys! I think this info applies to all relationships. Also, an option would be to notice your feelings of disappointment, wait it out and change your expectations. Sometimes an option is to DO NOTHING. Disappointment sometimes has to do with unfair expectations we’ve put on someone else. Thanks for your thoughtful blog!
Hi, Abby. That’s why the wait time is soooo important. It’s during that time that you are able to sort through your feelings and determine what it is you want to say and how to express that, or, it’s likely you may choose to not say anything at all. 🙂 And, yes, expectations of any kinds — fair or unfair — can come across as obligations to the other person, so it’s always best to communicate your feelings and desires purely, without attaching any strings to what the other person “should” say or do! 🙂 Thanks so much for commenting!
Thanks, Gladys! I think sometimes disappointment comes from unfair expectations we put on other people, too. Always worth considering! And, I love the suggestion to wait it out. Always a good idea with heated emotions, we can see more clearly if we give it some time.
I agree, Abby! Wait time is especially important when you feel “triggered.” It’s likely that almost anything that comes out of your mouth when you’re in that heated state will not be something respectful or that will lead to a win-win solution! Thanks for commenting!
Hi girls! I had to comeback to this post just to let you know the power of creating good stuff after reading this powerful blog. I wish I would always have the clarity to deal with life this way 🙂
My fiancé said on Saturday noon ” I’m so glad that happiness came back to our love! ………. and today, he just offered himself to drive up to Fort Lauderdale to pick up my wedding dress, lol!
Indeed, we had an awesome, loving weekend. And I got that I was 100% responsible for creating that magical space for things to happen for the both of us, as I got that when things don’t go as expected I’m 100% responsible for reacting negatively too 😉
Thank you Gladys.
Karen, this is soooo amazing! What a beautiful testimonial! Thank you for sharing this! I love how willing you were to see yourself as responsible for the role you play in the relationship. When you can be responsible for the stuff you’re doing that’s not working, you can also take the credit for doing the things that do work! 🙂 So happy for you!
Hi ladies, thanks for this post, I have been struggling for such a long time, staying involved in my head in a past relationship that is not working and hasn’t for such a long time. I believe that I’ve been fearful of putting trust in myself. Trust that I will make good choices in the future in relationships. I’ve made so many bad ones in the past and fear has overwhelmed me. I have been stuck. I think looking to a place I felt comfortable because I thought it was better than nothing. This post has helped me look at where I am now and helped me feel the push I need to move on! Thanks Christie
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Wow, Christie! Thank you for sharing your vulnerability and courage with us! I could sense your empowerment in the last sentence and want you to know we’re cheering you on! Please feel free to reach out to us if you’d like more support in putting the past in the past so that you can move forward to a new future filled with the love you deserve and desire!