There are days when I am so present to how blessed I am to be married to an incredible man, have two wonderful children, live in a beautiful home, and  be happy and healthy.  And then there are days where all I do is complain, worry, and live from a space of “it’s not enough.”  I could chalk it up to “just being human,” but, to be honest, when I’m in that space of focusing on what I don’t have or want, rather than being grateful for what I do have, I’m really difficult to be around. In fact, there are days when I get on my own nerves!  So, you can imagine what it’s like for my husband!

I’ve found that, when I’m not focusing on being grateful, I tend to see and hear every little thing my husband does that gets on my nerves as if there were a high-def magnifying glass and surround sound system enhancing it!  Instead of being grateful that I don’t have to do the dishes, I’ll notice that he didn’t rinse the mesh strainer at the bottom of the sink.  Instead of expressing gratitude for him making the kids’ lunches, I’ll notice that there are bread crumbs all over the counter. And – never mind that every single morning, there is a cup of coffee prepared exactly how I like it waiting for me in the microwave – I’ll notice how the counter top is cluttered with mail.

Don’t get me wrong, I am NOT a clean freak, but this is where my mind goes when I don’t choose to generate a feeling of gratitude. And, believe me, it’s not pretty!

Many times, in our relationships, we forget to notice and feel grateful for all of the sweet gestures and daily actions our partners take – the little things that make a difference.  And, sometimes, even if we do say thank you, if we follow it with a “but next time…” or correct what’s been done, we can send the message that we are difficult to please. This can actually cause our dates, husbands, or boyfriends to stop trying.  In fact, if one of your complaints is that your guy is no longer “romantic” or that he doesn’t step up to help you, you may want to take a look at whether or not you are letting him know that you appreciate him and his efforts.

I have seen the transformational power of gratitude in my own marriage.  For years I joked that I was “a single married mother,” because I felt that I had to do everything myself.  When I began expressing gratitude on a daily basis, something wonderful began to happen. The man who I felt did not appreciate me and was taking me for granted began asking me what he could do to help! He began taking initiative and offering to do things for me before I asked.  I began to experience a wonderful partnership in parenting and life, in general!

Does this mean I always remember to express my gratitude? Well, if you remember the beginning of this post, you already know the answer.  However, when I begin to get that feeling of getting on my own nerves, of being critical and ungrateful, or when I begin to feel anxious or worried, I ask myself, “Okay. What’s missing?” Almost immediately, I will see that what is missing is gratitude. Then I make it a point to begin listing – either orally, in my mind, or in my gratitude journal – all of the things for which I am grateful. And, as I do this, I can feel the shift taking place, the anxiety losing its grip on me, and I am filled with an indescribable sense of peace.  Usually, this will do the trick.  On tough days, I may need to do this more often!

 And in my relationship, I do the same thing.  When I begin noticing that I’m being nitpicky or getting irritated, I ask myself “Okay. What’s missing?” and, when I realize that what’s missing is gratitude, I will begin making it a point to notice all the things my husband has done or is doing to let me know that he loves me, the things he does to care for and provide for us, and the things about him that I absolutely adore!  Again, when I do this, I begin to experience an immediate shift and can feel the gratitude bubbling up inside me! It truly is miraculous!

Whether you are dating or in a relationship, I invite you to look for 3 things to express gratitude for to your guy every day.  If the little voice in your head just yelled “Three things? I don’t know if I’ll be able to find one!” consider that you may not be shining the spotlight on what he is doing, because you’re focusing on what he’s not.  Switch your focus to noticing the things he does to help or contribute to you – even if it’s something you think he “should” be doing anyway (working, taking out the trash, bringing in the mail, etc.).  If you’re on a date, rather than noticing that he was five minutes late or that he slurps his soup, notice how he opens the door or holds out the chair for you, how he checks in during the evening to see if you’re having a good time, and how he offers to pay the check.

By turning your focus onto the things you for which you are grateful, you will begin to experience a sense of fulfillment and peace.  You’ll begin to notice your blessings in high-def and surround sound.  In other words, you’ll begin to experience the transformational power of gratitude!

Today’s Thought:

Gratitude can transform common days into thanksgivings, turn routine jobs into joy, and change ordinary opportunities into blessings.

~William Arthur Ward

Gratitude photo credit: Kate Wares via photopin.com cc