One of the best parts of working with women as a relationship coach is being able to celebrate with them when they experience a breakthrough. By definition, a breakthrough is when you move beyond where you usually stop yourself – because of your reasons, excuses, doubts or fears – and take an action that is a victory over the past.
While a lot of the women who work with Heart’s Desire are looking to learn the skills and habits that will help them take their lives and relationships to the next level, many of them come to us in moments of “crisis.” This usually means that they have just suffered a breakup, separation, or divorce and are looking for support in getting through it, or they are on the brink of a divorce and are looking for that “last thing” they can do to help turn their relationship around.
Are you one of those women? Are you tired of the tears, the frustration, and the loneliness? Are you willing to be courageous and take a journey within? Do you know someone who could use support? If so, read on and share this message with them!
It’s not “easy” reaching out for help, especially when it comes to relationships. It takes something to be willing to turn the mirror around, look at it and ask yourself, “What else can I do – even if he says he is not willing to try anymore ?” No, this is far from being easy. And, yet, the women we work with – these courageous, powerful, strong women – are willing to be vulnerable; to accept where they’ve been responsible in having the relationship get to the point where it is; and to take new, bold, and courageous actions that lead to incredible breakthroughs! It’s inspiring, and I never take for granted the trust that my clients put in me when they open up their hearts to the possibility of transforming themselves and their relationships.
So, what can you do if you are experiencing trouble in your relationship?
1. Stop wishing and hoping for change. I can’t tell you how many times I receive calls and emails from women who share with me that they have been experiencing problems in their marriage for years – some of them since before they got married. Research shows that most people wait six years before they seek out help for their relationship, even when all the signs have been pointing to the fact that there is “trouble.” There is this popular misconception that problems in relationships are “just a phase” and that “this, too, shall pass.” While I agree that everything – even problems – is temporary, just sitting around, hoping and waiting that something will “magically” change, without putting in some intentional work is not only unrealistic, but it’s instrumental in the gradual decay of an intimate relationship. Acknowledge that where your relationship is is not where you want it to be. It’s okay. Things can and will get better once you begin to work on it!
2. Take a Look in the Mirror. Yes, it’s true that “It takes two to tango” and that a relationship is made up of twopeople. It’s also true that you can’t control what he says, does, or believes, and that trying to do that will only lead to more distance, resentment, and friction in the relationship. The only thing in this entire world that you can control 100% is YOU – your thoughts, words, actions, and reactions. So, rather than looking for all of the things that he could be doing differently or that he has done in the past to get the relationship to where it is now, be willing to look within to see where you can own the part that you’ve played and where you are willing to make changes.
3. Reach out for support. As I mentioned, before, it can be scary to admit that things are not well in the relationship and to be vulnerable enough to share that with someone. Now, you want to be really selective of who you tell. The last thing you need is for people who do not believe in or who are not standing for the restoration of your relationship to be giving you “advice.” Many times, people, although well-intentioned, will give you advice based on their own experiences and fears, rather than on proven-to-work skills and habits that lead to healing and transformation. Seek out happily married women whose relationships you admire and ask them for support as you begin the journey to restoring your marriage or relationship. Seek out a relationship coach who, rather than giving you “therapy” or “counseling,” will equip you with practical skills you can begin implementing right away so that you can begin to experience immediate results.
4. Be willing to breakthrough! Many times, the coaching and advice you receive is going to sound “foreign” or “unnatural.” Why? Because it will take you to the brink of your comfort zone and require you to consider things you haven’t considered, take actions you haven’t taken, and adopt new thoughts and beliefs. Your natural “survival instinct” will most likely kick in, telling you you’re being “too vulnerable,” taking too much of a risk, and that “it’s not working.” It didn’t take a day to get to where your relationship is now, so it will likely take longer than a day to turn things around. And, if you want to experience different results, you’re going to need to take different actions, right? So, be willing to feel afraid, uncertain, and vulnerable. And do it anyway. That’s what your coach is there for: to encourage, support and help you through those times of uncertainty. Remember, it’s in that space right beyond our comfort zone that miracles happen! So, go ahead! Create and step into your own miracle!
Being willing to take on the transformation of your relationship can seem daunting, and it may seem like too much work and too much risk without an iron-clad guarantee that you’ll see results. However, I can guarantee one thing for sure: If you are willing and courageous enough to take the journey within, to focus on transforming your own behaviors and attitudes, and to do the work, you will also reap the rewards: The confidence that comes with knowing that you are becoming the BEST version of yourself; the peace that comes with knowing that you are only trying to control that which is within your power; and the joy of seeing your relationship transform before your very eyes! And, that, my friends, is worth doing whatever it takes!
Do you have questions or comments regarding this article, please share them below! We love hearing from you!
Photo credit: Rachel_titiriga via photopin.com cc
Amazing article! Thank you for sharing it!
Amazing article! Thank you for sharing it!
You’re welcome! And thank you for being my partner in helping to transform relationships! Please share the article and encourage others to do so, too!!! 🙂
Sounds like a great service.
Thanks so much, Jean!
Sounds like a great service.
Thanks so much, Jean!
Wonderful and very useful advice.
Thank you, Michelle!
Wonderful and very useful advice.
Thank you, Michelle!
Great advice. How about writing an article for us single gals who are looking for a relationship and haven’t been able to find one.
Sure thing, msdiane! What would you say are some of the biggest “issues” you have been faced with in trying to find that relationship?
Great advice. How about writing an article for us single gals who are looking for a relationship and haven’t been able to find one.
Sure thing, msdiane! What would you say are some of the biggest “issues” you have been faced with in trying to find that relationship?
“Step into your own miracle”. Very important information and great support that you are providing!
Thank you, Carol! We appreciate you helping us to spread the word and let women know that there is support and we are here to serve. <3
“Step into your own miracle”. Very important information and great support that you are providing!
Thank you, Carol! We appreciate you helping us to spread the word and let women know that there is support and we are here to serve. <3
Sometimes we need a hand to get us unstuck. You seem to provide a safe, honest and loving place for that.
Thank you, Louise! I appreciate you sharing that our loving commitment to our clients comes through! 🙂
Sometimes we need a hand to get us unstuck. You seem to provide a safe, honest and loving place for that.
Thank you, Louise! I appreciate you sharing that our loving commitment to our clients comes through! 🙂
Very useful advice, Gladys
Thank you, Margaret!
Very useful advice, Gladys
Thank you, Margaret!
Thanks for sharing Gladys.
You’re welcome, Claire! 🙂
Thanks for sharing Gladys.
You’re welcome, Claire! 🙂
Thank you Gladys! I remember my marriage counselor saying that exact thing about it taking 6 years before people even seek help in a relationship. Unfortunately, that marriage did not last…..but even when this happens, there is hope. My fiance and I make it a point to be conscious of past relationship mistakes and communicate, communicate, communicate!! This time around, I could not imagine wishing for change – we are equally responsible and invested in this marriage. On the surface, it may seem like more effort and “work” – but it actually feels so freeing and beautifully transforming!! Keep up the inspiring work Gladys….an incredible relationship is worth the work and the wait 🙂
Thank you so much, Jen! I can’t tell you how happy I am that you have found love again and that you are creating a marriage that is free from the past! I tell my clients that, at first, it does seem like a lot of “work.” We’re basically “re-wiring” our brains and learning new habits and ways of being. However, it doesn’t have to be “hard work.” It can be fun! And the benefits — the peace, happiness, and love that is felt on a daily basis — are worth any amount of effort!
I am so happy for you and wish you all the love and happiness you can stand! 🙂
Thank you Gladys! I remember my marriage counselor saying that exact thing about it taking 6 years before people even seek help in a relationship. Unfortunately, that marriage did not last…..but even when this happens, there is hope. My fiance and I make it a point to be conscious of past relationship mistakes and communicate, communicate, communicate!! This time around, I could not imagine wishing for change – we are equally responsible and invested in this marriage. On the surface, it may seem like more effort and “work” – but it actually feels so freeing and beautifully transforming!! Keep up the inspiring work Gladys….an incredible relationship is worth the work and the wait 🙂
Thank you so much, Jen! I can’t tell you how happy I am that you have found love again and that you are creating a marriage that is free from the past! I tell my clients that, at first, it does seem like a lot of “work.” We’re basically “re-wiring” our brains and learning new habits and ways of being. However, it doesn’t have to be “hard work.” It can be fun! And the benefits — the peace, happiness, and love that is felt on a daily basis — are worth any amount of effort!
I am so happy for you and wish you all the love and happiness you can stand! 🙂