by Gladys Diaz
Do you know anyone– maybe a girlfriend – who seems desperate when it comes to dating?
Have you ever been on a date with someone and you could just feel the desperation coming off of them? (Yes, men can put of these vibes, too!)
Maybe you’re the one that feels like you get weird when you’re interested in someone, and maybe you feel like, no matter how hard you try, all you ever do is push men away?
Think about this for a minute… Are you operating out of Desperation or Desire?
The feeling of desperation comes from FEAR.
You feel like it’s not going to happen for you, or that it’s going to be hard.
You worry about what to say, what not to say, why he’s not texting, if you should text first.
The truth is that you’re in a scarcity mindset, which has you think that every guy HAS to be the one, so you MUST make it work.
When you’re operating out of desire you feel FREE.
You’re aligned with what turns your heart on and you know you can be yourself and be loved for just that.
You’re clear about what you want and your behavior, words, and being all align with creating that.
Operating out of desire is how you manifest what you want. It is the only way that works.
When you stop operating out of fear and desperation, everything in life changes. Everything.
The thing is, you might not even realize that FEAR is what is driving you.
You may think that because you’ve made your checklist for your perfect man that you know what you want and that desire is driving you, but listen up, because this may surprise you.
And, by the way, desperation isn’t a single’s-only phenomenon. Women in relationships act out of desperation, too!
Acting out of desperation looks like checking his things, dropping hints, being controlling or asking leading questions to manipulate your guy or get him to say or do something you want.
In dating, it might look like pursuing a man in dating – calling him, asking him on dates, suggesting you meet up, “coincidentally” showing up at a place he might be in hopes of running into him – all of this is pursuing.
Desperation can even look like sleeping with a man too soon, getting into a relationship before you know his character and his values or compromising your own values in order to get with him.
In a relationship, it can look like having to approve his every decision, trying to guilt him into doing things, and even trying to get him to talk when he prefers to go into his man cave.
When you’re coming from this place, you are in a state of scarcity. You’re afraid you’re not going to get what you want, so you WORK HARD to make sure that you do.
Desperation has a VERY STRONG energy associated with it, and men can feel it a mile away!
So how do you shift into the easy, breezy, flowy, energy that is so attractive to be around?
- Recognize when you’re in fear. As humans, we’re always going to feel fear. Power comes from recognizing that fears are only thoughts and that it’s the fears that are causing you to do the things you don’t want to do.
- Be CRYSTAL-CLEAR about what you want. When you know what you want, you can see right away when something (or someone) doesn’t align with that. Act out of intention and make adjustments to your behavior, communication, boundaries, etc., so that everything is in alignment with what you want to create.
BONUS Tip: It is not enough to desire to be “in a relationship.” Being crystal-clear means asking questions like: What type of relationship do you want? What do you want to experience inside that relationship? How do you want to feel? What types of things do you want to do together? The clearer you are, the more powerful the intention is.
- Recognize where you are not aligned, and shift. What are you doing that’s not aligned with that you want? What are the ways of you being that you get to create inside yourself in order to be aligned with your desires? Do you want to be able to be yourself and not feel judged inside of a relationship? Then BE yourself and don’t judge others. BE the love you want to see!
Lots of love,
Gladys & Michelle
The Love Twins