by Gladys Diaz
You’re not in a relationship… until you are!
One of the biggest issues single ladies face is not knowing when they are actually in a relationship. Is it when you’ve dates someone for a predetermined amount of time or a certain number of dates? Is it when he asks you to stay over? When he introduces you to his friends and family?
Compound all of this with reality that men and women approach dating and relationships differently, and it’s not hard to understand why perhaps seeing that someone changes his relationship status on line makes what’s been taking place between the two of them seem “official”!
Perhaps one of the biggest differences between men and women when it comes to dating is this:
Men go out on dates. Women go out relationships!
Laugh if you like, but you know on some level that it’s true. You’re sitting there on a date, having a wonderful piece of salmon while he eats his steak. He mentions how he loves snorkeling. All of a sudden, you’re in your head:
“I love snorkeling, but… Oh, my! I’m nowhere near bikini- or bathing suit-ready! I need to start working out! And, I wonder where we’ll go? The Florida Keys? Hawaii? Yes, Hawaii! I’ve always wanted to go to there… and it would be the perfect place to go on our honeymoon! Oh, my goodness! How romantic! We’re going to have such a great time!
And, while you’re making plans to book a few sessions with a personal trainer and start looking at travel brochures, what’s he doing? He still enjoying his steak! When this happens, not only are you not present to what’s happening on the date, but now you’re so focused on a future that isn’t even happening, that you’re missing really important information and signals that might let you know whether or not this is someone that you’d want to go on a second date, much less, snorkeling with!
Now, that’s only on the first few dates, but, what about when you begin seeing each other more consistently?
If you ask most women, it’s at about the 3-month mark that they begin to wonder whether or not they are in a relationship. Now the temptation rises to bring it up – to tell him, “We need to talk ” – which by the way, is like the “kiss of death” when it comes to inviting someone (especially a man) to have a conversation! And, usually, the announcement that we need to talk is followed by a barrage of questions about where he sees this relationship going and what his intentions are.
Now, do I think it’s important to know whether the person you’re dating is on the same page as you, as far as wanting to have a committed relationship that leads to marriage? Yes!
However, putting him in the uncomfortable position of now having to answer the machine gun of questions may feel like “pressure” and it cheats you out of hearing him say, “I don’t want to see anyone else, and I’d like it if you felt the same way.” He may not say it in those exact words, but, trust me, if you release the need to control the way things go, he will be the one to bring it up! And there’s nothing sweeter than hearing him say that because he wants to date you exclusively and not because he feels like he has to!
But what if your guy hasn’t updated his status or brought up the subject of commitment or exclusivity? Well, then, pay attention. Look for the signs around you.
Is he making time to see you? Does he go out of his way to please and see you happy? Are there other ways that he’s letting you know in his actions and words that he’s not interested in seeing or being with anyone else but you?
If not, you may want to reconsider whether you want to continue investing your heart, time and attention in a friendship (with or without benefits) that isn’t going where you’d like it to. But, if there are signs that he’s moving toward making a commitment to you, then just breathe, get present, and allow the relationship to unfold naturally. You’ll enjoy the ride much better when you’re not the one at the wheel, and you’ll get to enjoy the sweet joy of knowing that he can’t imagine being with anyone other than you!
Want to hear more about how to tell what your relationship status is? Join us and the Networking Divas, tonight, April 24th from 6:00-9:00pm, for their Give n’ Take Networking Event, for the “What Are We?” Relationship Discussion! This event is the perfect combination of business and pleasure, as you’ll be able to meet and network with other professionals, as well as participate in what’s sure to be a fun and informative discussion with a panel that includes us – The Twin Love Coaches – and Michelle’s husband, Arnie! Come join us for a night of networking, fun, and good food at the Ginger Bay Café! RSVP here!
Questions? Comments? Let us know below! We love hearing from you!
Photo courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net.
