by heartsdesireintl | Mar 1, 2013 | Dating, Intimacy, Love, Marriage, Relationship Advice, Romance
by Gladys Diaz
This week has been somewhat of a challenging one. I could feel that something was “off” in the way my husband and I were communicating and relating, and it bothered me. In the past, when my husband would get quiet or withdrawn, I’d keep badgering him about how we needed to communicate and talk and resolve our issues, even when it was clear that he didn’t want to or wasn’t ready to do that. My incessant nagging didn’t do anything to increase the communication or the intimacy, and would just lead to him getting angry, yelling something at me, which, in turn would have me dive head-first into “victim mode” and wonder why I ever chose to marry someone who could be so mean!
The truth is that the reason I wanted to talk about things now was because I felt uncomfortable sitting in that space where I couldn’t control when we would talk or know what was going on. I wanted to resolve the problem now and have everything be great again. However, badgering him to try to get him to talk to me wasn’t leading to having the type of conversation I wanted to have anyway, so I learned to let go of the need to control and just allow things to unfold naturally.
When my husband finally did tell me that he wanted to speak to me, I was scared. What was he going to say? Are we okay? What would have him be this quiet and upset? Again, I had to breathe, let go, and trust that, even if I didn’t like what he had to say, we were okay and we’d work through it somehow.
Sometimes we need to listen with our hearts as well as our ears.
Well, I was right. I didn’t particularly like hearing what he had to say. See, as a dating and relationship coach, I really do make every effort to practice what I preach. But that’s not always the case. I make mistakes. I say or do things I shouldn’t and sometimes I don’t say or do the things that I should. I don’t like admitting it, but it’s true. Having a great relationship is not about being perfect or always getting it right. It’s also about realizing that we, and therefore, our relationships, are works in progress. So I sat and listened to what he had to say and resisted the urge to defend myself or contradict him. And, as he spoke, I listened for his “heart message.”
The heart message is the message behind the words the person is saying. Sometimes, even behind something that sounds like a complaint or criticism, there is a bigger, more vulnerable message asking to be heard. It would have been easy to only hear the things my husband was saying as complaints about what I was doing “wrong.” However, rather than get upset or defensive, I listened with my heart as well, and the message that came through loud and clear was, “I love you and I’m committed to this marriage being the best it can be.” Listening from that space, I was able to see how blessed I am to be married to a man who is willing to have a conversation about how to make our marriage even better than it already is. It made me feel good to know that I love a man who is not satisfied with having a good marriage, because he’s as committed as I am to making it work! And that made it easier for me to see what I could do to bring as much happiness, love and intimacy to our relationship.
So, the next time your husband or boyfriend – or anyone else in your life – comes to you with something that sounds like a complaint or criticism, try to listen with your heart. Listen for the pain, the desire, or the need behind the persons words. And, most importantly, listen for the love as you listen in love.
Listening for the heart message is one of the Intimacy Skills we’ll be discussing on the next Relationship Coaching call for Girlfriends and Wives that I lead as part of a program we offer in partnership with Laura Doyle. Click here to participate and enjoy the rewards of love, peace, and intimacy these skills can bring to your life.
Questions? Comments? Let us know below! We love hearing from you!
Image courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net
by heartsdesireintl | Feb 24, 2013 | Dating, HDI Blog, Intimacy, Love, Marriage, Relationship Advice, Romance
by Gladys Diaz
“I think I’m just not made out to be in a relationship.”
“I’ve decided that I’m okay not being in a relationship.”
“Maybe there really isn’t someone out there for me.”
“I don’t know. Maybe I’m just meant to be alone.”
Last week, I had no less than 4 single women tell me statements like the ones above. With that many women expressing the same thing to me in one week, I have to believe that there are more out there with the same thoughts. And, if you’re one of them, I feel it’s my responsibility to set you straight and let you know that you were created for love!
Now, I realize that there are many different types of love – love among family members and friends, love for humanity, and love for our pets. But I am referring specifically to romantic love. Yes, there are people in the world who choose to live a life devoid of romantic love – priest, nuns, and others who have chosen to dedicate their life to their ministry, for instance. But if you want to be in a romantic relationship and dream of being loved, cherished, and adored for a lifetime, trust that that the dream and desire were placed there from the moment you were created and that it is your birthright to experience the joy of loving and being loved every day of your life.
Perhaps you’ve had some bad experiences with love. Maybe you’ve had your heart broken a few too many times. Or it could be that you end up attracting really great guys, but then “something happens,” and what used to be a happy, romantic, and fulfilling relationship turns into constant fighting and bickering, and, suddenly, all you can see the guy who once took your breath away are all of the little things that you don’t like, the habits that get on your nerves, and the faults you swore you’d never put up with in a relationship.
If any of this is resonating, it could be that, while you desire to be in a loving, fulfilling relationship, you’re also self-sabotaging yourself out of one. Don’t beat yourself up about it. Almost every single woman has experienced the consequences of self-sabotage at least once in her life.
We say that we want to date and find the man who is our every dream come true, but, rather than go to the party or singles mixer, we choose to stay home, watch TV, and live romance vicariously through someone else’s pretend life.
We say we want open and honest communication with a man who is trusting and trustworthy, but we keep being attracted to men who lie, cheat, or seem emotionally unavailable.
We say we want to be in a relationship with a great guy who makes time for us, wants to make us happy and wants a commitment, and then, when we find him, he begins to seem “too nice,” not exciting enough, or too clingy.
Why is it that we sabotage ourselves out of the very thing we say we want most?
1. Fear. Some of us are so afraid that we won’t get the love we want that we close ourselves off, shut men out, and prevent love from finding its way to us. Or, when we finally find ourselves in a great relationship, we think it’s either too good to be true or it won’t last, so we keep looking for evidence of everything that’s not right, won’t work or won’t last, and we end the relationship before it even begins. Rather than letting your fears get the best of you and choose for you, step out in faith. While it’s true that there is always an element of risk when it comes to love, opening your heart up and allowing love to find its way to you could lead to experiencing the love your heart desires. Believe that not only is finding love possible, but that it’s possible for you! Let your faith be bigger than your fear!
2. Feelings of Unworthiness. Maybe, along with your fear there is a belief that you don’t really deserve the happiness and love you desire. Perhaps you’ve never truly loved and accepted yourself – every part of you – even the parts you don’t really like. Or maybe you’ve done something for which you haven’t forgiven yourself. Or perhaps you feel like you messed up the relationship with the guy who was “The One.” No matter what you’ve done, what has happened, or what mistakes may have been made, we live in a world that is overflowing with love, and you were created to give, receiving, and experience love. Believe that you are worthy of love. If you want to take a 30-day journey to discovering self love, read our book 30 Days and 30 Ways to Fall In Love with YOU! On each day of the journey, you will be taken through a reflection or activity and be given a new affirmation that will bring you closer to falling in love with yourself, which is the access to attracting love into your life.
3. Negative and Limiting Beliefs. If you have negative or limiting beliefs about men or relationships, it’s possible that you are blocking the love you say you want. Thinking that there aren’t any good men left, that men are dishonest or incapable of committing, or believing that relationships are hard or not worth the effort or that they never last doesn’t serve you. Why would anyone want to experience heartache, disappointment, and lack of fulfillment on purpose? It’s time to turn those negative beliefs into positive affirmations. Instead of thinking about all of the things you don’t want to experience in a relationship, begin thinking writing, and speaking about the things you do want. Soon, you will begin to attract those very things into your life and enjoy the love and happiness that are your birthright!
Some of these things may sound easier said than done. And it’s true that sometimes the hardest thing is getting out of our own way. However, you don’t have to do this alone. Working with a relationship coach is one of the best ways to get clear about what you want, what’s been stopping you from having it, and the actions you need to take to get the results that you want. If you are ready to begin attracting the love that you deserve and desire into your life contact us. Helping women experience the love their hearts desire is our mission and purpose and we’d love to work with and empower you with the skills to live the life and love you want!
Questions? Comments? Let us know. We love hearing from you!
Image courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net
by heartsdesireintl | Feb 22, 2013 | Dating, HDI Blog, Intimacy, Love, Marriage, Relationship Advice, Romance
by Gladys Diaz
Why is it that some of the most successful, powerful women struggle when it comes to relationships? Whether it’s the CEO who can’t seem to make time to date or the entrepreneur who is a pro at networking and getting new clients, but can’t seem to connect with her husband, there are certain characteristics and behaviors that successful women bring into relationships that just don’t work.
Now, let me be clear (because I’m sure some of you just got triggered by that last sentence!), I’m not saying that in order to have a successful relationship you can’t be successful in your career or business. What I am saying is that some of the actions we take in the workplace that propel us to higher levels of success simply do not work when it comes to building an intimate, passionate romantic relationship.
Why? Because the goals we have in business and the goals for romance are completely different!
At work, we are focused on making the sale, finishing the project, meeting the bottom line, and getting others to help us do that by letting them know what needs to be done, by when, and how it must be done. If not, there are consequences to pay, including demotions, getting written up, or getting fired.
Now take that same attitude of mind into a relationship, and now you’re telling your date, husband or boyfriend, when he needs to do, by when, and how… And, by the way, there will be hell to pay if it’s not done your way and by the time you expected it!
So, what can a woman do so that she can experience success in both her work life and her love life? Watch this video of an interview between Dawn Maslar of LearnHowtoFindLove.com and me, where we discuss the challenges that successful women face and what we can do to transition from being “The Invincible Woman” at work and “The Irresistible Woman” in our love lives!
Image courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net
by heartsdesireintl | Feb 18, 2013 | Gratitude, HDI Blog, Intimacy, Love, Marriage, Relationship Advice, Romance
Are you ready to have an affair with the man you love? Then watch this video of the interview that Luly B. of LulyB.com and New Era Moms and I did last week! We talked about practical things you can do every day to help make your relationship a passionate, intimate union that lasts for a lifetime!
Just click on the image below to see the interview!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HiaCVGngAOY
Helpful links related to video:
LulyB.com
New Era Moms
Book: 30 Days & 30 Ways to Fall in Love with You
Comments? Questions? Let us know. We love hearing from you!
by heartsdesireintl | Feb 15, 2013 | Dating, HDI Blog, Intimacy, Love, Marriage, Relationship Advice, Romance
Remember when just the thought of seeing him have you butterflies?
Remember when just sitting next to him was enough to make your heart jump in your chest?
And remember when the sound of his voice, his touch, and his kiss made you feel like you were the luckiest girl on earth?
Now, as you think about these moments, are you having to think back to what happened years ago, when you first met or were married, or can you smile and think about what happened today when he got home from work, as you passed one another in the hallway, or when he called to ask if you needed something from the grocery store?
For many married women, these memories are of a time long — or not so long — ago. Over the years, while the love has continued to grow, the passion, the romance, and the “sizzle” have fizzled out.
The good news?
It doesn’t have to be that way! You can spice up your love life by having an affair… with your husband!
Join Luly B. and me at 11:30 a.m. Eastern on Friday, February 15th for a recap of the New Era Moms episode on having an affair with your husband. It’s going to be a fun, informative and **HOT** conversation, and you can even be part of the conversation if you like!
Simply:
1. Click on the Facebook event page to RSVP.
2. Set up a Google Plus account (https://accounts.google.com/NewAccount).
3. Subscribe to Neweramoms.com channel on rivvid.com to track when the show airs (https://rivvid.com/channel/neweramomsshow).
4. Add valeska@rivvid.com and Luly B. to your circle.
5. Let us know on the event page if you’d like to join the conversation or just watch the show!
P.S. If you haven’t already done so, purchase a copy of our new ebook 30 Days and 30 Ways to Fall In Love with YOU!
Image courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net
by heartsdesireintl | Feb 11, 2013 | Dating, HDI Blog, Intimacy, Love, Relationship Advice, Romance
by Gladys Diaz
There are few experiences in life that allow two people to connect on a physical, emotional, and spiritual level as they do when they are making love to one another.
Physical attraction is often referred to as “having chemistry.” This is actually an accurate scientific term when you consider the fact that both men and women release a series of hormones during and after having sex and climaxing, including serotonin and oxytocin – also known as “the bonding hormone” – which is the same hormone mothers release while nursing and creates a bond between the mother and child. What many people don’t know is that, while men are at the effect of oxytocin for a few hours, women can be at the effect of it for several days, which is why many women feel more bonded to a man after having had sex (a.k.a. “the clinging effect”!).
This is also why some women rush into having sex with or becoming physically intimate with a man in other ways long before they are emotionally ready to do so. In an attempt to create a feeling of connection and intimacy with a man they are getting to know and are very attracted to, they may give in to the physical attraction and desires and experience a false sense of connection to him on an emotional and/or spiritual level. If the man is not ready to commit or to at least agree to date her exclusively, she is then left feeling used, unfulfilled, and disappointed.
There is no question that when we begin to really like someone, our minds have a tendency to float into the possible future of what might happen, should things work out. We want so much to experience the feeling of being loved, cherished, and desired that it’s easy to lose sight of the fact that there are emotional consequences to moving too quickly or trying to force something to happen before we really know the person. And, many times, a woman can be quicker and more willing to get in bed with someone to create this connection than she is to be emotionally vulnerable and allow him to see who she really is – all of who she really is. This decision has tremendous consequences and can lead to having a string of lovers, but never truly experiencing the different phases of a real relationship, which is what her heart truly desires.
So, what are some steps women can take to protect themselves from causing and experiencing unnecessary heartache due to having sex with someone prematurely?
1. Know what you really want. If you know that what you want is to be in a loving, committed relationship, then stand for that. Before you allow things to get too hot and heavy (because, let’s face it, these things never “just happen” — they build up), then honor that for yourself. Don’t make the guy responsible for honoring that. He wanted to have sex with you the moment he winked at you online or walked over to you and started a conversation. You’re responsible for creating the life and relationship you want, so stand for that!
2. Really get to know someone before getting sexually intimate with him. Yes, I know it’s 2013 and not 1913. And, yes, I know it seems old-fashioned to tell someone that you’d like to wait before having sex, but this is your life and your heart we’re talking about. If you know that sleeping with someone makes you feel connected to him emotionally, then just honor your desire to be in a committed relationship with someone before sleeping with him.
3. You don’t have to “lay down the law,” just don’t lay down with him! Don’t worry about telling him that you won’t have sex on the first, third, or sixth date in an effort to make sure he doesn’t try anything (P.S. He’s going to try. Don’t take it personally, or take it as a compliment. Just know he’s going to try!). This isn’t a topic that needs to be brought up ahead of time or in an effort to stop his advances. When the situation arises, and before things gets out of hand, just let him know that you prefer to wait until you’re in a committed relationship. That doesn’t mean he has to ask you to be his girlfriend or make a commitment to you. He gets to choose, just as you do. But let him know you’d like to wait… and then avoid putting yourself in a situation where you won’t.
As modern an age as we live in, most women still want to be in a loving, committed relationship with a man who chooses them and only them. If that’s what your heart truly desires, then own, embrace, and stand for that. Just as sleeping with a man won’t make him commit to you, choosing to wait to sleep with a man won’t make him leave you. And if a guy does choose to leave you because you say that you prefer to wait, be grateful that you learned of his willingness to commit to you early on in the relationship. The bottom line is that you get to create the relationship of your dreams. And you’ve got to be willing to stand for that and know that, not only are you deserving of all the love and intimacy your heart desires, but you are also worth the wait!
Comments? Questions? Let us know! We love hearing from you!
Image courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net
