Do you have “high standards” or “unrealistic expectations?”
Just think about that for a minute….
This is a HOT topic that we get asked questions about all the time because it can be confusing. We can trick ourselves into thinking we have high standards, when what we really have are unrealistic expectations that are leading to missed opportunities, heartache in relationships, and unnecessary drama.
And men don’t like drama! 😉
So… what’s the difference?
And how can you be sure you know where you are coming from?
Standards are aligned with your values. They are based on your beliefs, they are good for your life, and protect you from unnecessary harm and heartache.
Having standards in dating looks like not dating someone that does drugs or is addicted to alcohol. It also looks like dating someone who has integrity and does what he says he’ll do.
Standards come from inside of you.
Expectations are things that you are “requiring” from someone else and are usually based on a “list” of criteria that you think a person should meet. They are preferences.
Expectations in dating looks like not dating someone who hasn’t gotten a college education or who doesn’t happen to be an entrepreneur. It looks like not dating someone who has/hasn’t been married before or who does/doesn’t already have kids. It also looks like not dating someone who’s an introvert or who isn’t over 6 feet tall.
In relationships, it looks like not appreciating the things your man does for you or always making him feel like he has to be a certain way. It looks like expecting your man to love you no matter how you behave, even when you’.
Expectations are something you’re looking for out there. They have nothing to do with who a person actually is, and everything to do with what you’ve made up about what certain things mean about them.
Expectations come from fear.
They come from what we saw as a child, what we’ve experienced in other relationships, or from an irrational or imagined fear.
So, think about it again… in your relationships, and dating are you coming from a set of standards or are you coming from a set of expectations?
How is that affecting your experience of love and relationships?
What is it costing you to have those unrealistic expectations of others?
What are you afraid is/isn’t going to happen if you don’t stick to your expectations?
We get it. We have both experienced this on both sides of the equation.
When Michelle was dating after her divorce, she was desperately trying to prove that there was nothing wrong with her. She’d experienced a lot of hurt in her past relationship and wasn’t going to go there again. So, she set expectations. He had to be older, he had to be established in his career, and he also had to be divorced with kids so he’d understand how she felt.
She set these expectations thinking she was just doing what was best for herself, but she was protecting and not allowing herself to actually be and get to know the men she was with, which led to a terrible dating experience!
If she’d stayed committed to those preferences, she would have missed out on being married to the amazing man she’s married to today, because he – who was younger, was in transition between careers, had never been married, or had kids – wouldn’t have even shown up on her radar, because he didn’t meet all of those requirements.
For me, I remember experiencing this in my marriage. By thinking that my way was the right way, I was constantly making my husband feel like he wasn’t enough. And, while the words, “You’re not enough” NEVER came out of my mouth and I truly thought I was communicating well and just trying to make him better, it left him feeling unhappy, unsure of himself, and disrespected.
It makes me emotional just thinking about how I made the man that I love more than anything, and who I promised to love no matter what, feel any of those things.
Now, what about you?
What are you currently experiencing in dating and in your relationships? And what do you WANT to experience?
If through reading, you’ve realized that maybe you’re coming more from expectations, it’s okay! You just need to look at that and ask yourself what’s the fear underneath it all that is stopping you from having the experience you want in relationships.
Because once you get to the bottom of the fear, you can start to build up from there.
During our Love Chat with the Love Twins this week, one of our past clients said this :
“Please listen to the Love Twins! Once I got rid of the superficial requirements for a man…like height, hair and even education!! I concentrated on how do i feel… and I found a man who treats me like a Queen. Thank you Gladys and Michelle your HeartWork… it works!”
We want you to experience the relationship of your dreams. To wake up every morning next to the person you love and who loves you in return.
Don’t let your expectations keep you from having that. Because the person you end up with might surprise you and that surprise will be the best gift you give yourself, IF you allow it to be!
Happy Thanksgiving to those of you who live in the U.S. and celebrate this wonderful holiday!
Today, my heart is overflowing with thanks!
For the past two weeks, I have been in Hawaii, enjoying more natural beauty than I even knew existed! From beautiful beaches, to majestic mountains, and breathtaking sunsets, it has been one miraculous moment after the other.
If you would have told me a few years ago that I would be spending Thanksgiving with my husband and kids on this amazing island, I probably would not have thought it would be possible.
Yet, here we are! And every moment of this trip has been a dream come true!
While some people may say that I should have come alone with my husband for a romantic getaway, I’ll tell you what I know to be true! Love and romance are a creation! We get to create as much love, passion, and romance as our hearts desire. And, while, yes, perhaps it may have been a bit more romantic to be here without the kids, that hasn’t stopped us from creating some truly romantic moments while we’ve been here.
The first one happened at the Pearl Harbor Memorial, I mentioned to my husband that I would love to have a unique souvenir that I would see and use often and that would remind me of our trip. Before we left Pearl Harbor, we saw a small kiosk selling Hawaiian pearls. As soon as I saw the pendant of “The Tree of Life,” I gasped! It was so beautiful and original, and the monument had moved me to tears. Plus, knowing that the tree symbolizes rebirth, renewal, and a reminder that we are all interconnected made it all the more special!
I kept going between wanting the ring or the pendant, because they were both so beautiful! Then, my husband surprised me by telling the saleslady, “She’ll take both of them!” I squealed with delight as my eyes watered up and I wrapped my arms around his neck and gave him a sweet, long kiss!
The saleslady’s eyes watered, too, and she said, “How cute! How long have you two been together?”
“17 years,” I
“Wow! And he is still like that with you? You are lucky!”
“Yes. I’m blessed,” I said, and gave him another hug!
Then the next day, after driving all over the island to find the perfect spot to watch the sunset, because I mentioned that I wanted to see the sun set the previous day,” there was a Hawaiian man with a dreamy voice who began to sing, “What a Wonderful World.”
That happens to be one of my favorite songs, and with the sun setting, my husband and my kids there with me, the words took on a whole new meaning, and, again, my eyes watered as I looked over at my husband and smiled.
He stood up, came around to my side of the table, and drew me into his arms so that I could dance with him! No one else was dancing, and it didn’t matter. We just stared into each other’s eyes and danced! Another moment I will never forget!
So, why am I telling you all of this?
Because THIS is the kind of love you can have!
I’m not “lucky” and this relationship didn’t “just happen.” I have spent over two decades learning about what makes love last, I practice what I teach in my marriage ever single day, and making sure that you experience the joy of KNOWING that you are loved every single day of your life is why I do the work I do!
No matter where you are in your love life, whether you are single and ready to attract the man of your dreams, or you are in a relationship and you want to continue making the love grow deeper, stronger, and more passionate with time, YOU can have the loving relationship your heart desires!
You can learn the secrets to BEing a Simply Irresistible Woman — the kind of woman a man can’t help but love, and adore, and desire!
That’s why you want to make sure you keep your eyes open for our Black Friday special. We have NEVER offered such a generous sale before, and, honestly, we don’t plan on doing it again.
If you’re ready to start turning your love life around and you want to be the kind of woman who can attract and create a forever kind of love, then make sure you mark your calendar for midnight (12:00am ET) Friday, because this is an once-in-a-lifetime simply irresistible offer that can help you experience and have love for a lifetime!
If you’ve ever had a great glass of wine – you know… the kind that you just have to close your eyes and savor as you sip it – then you know what an amazing experience it can be!
And, if you know anything about wine, you know that great wine doesn’t “just happen.” An amazing glass of wine begins with selecting premium grapes and a very intricate process of aging the wine that results in a succulent, savory experience that you hope won’t end with just one glass!
In today’s video, Michelle comes to you from a vineyard in wine country as she celebrates 10 years of LOVE with her honey, Arnie, and she shares the top 3 ingredients for extraordinary love!
So… Grab a glass of your favorite wine or beverage, sip away, and let’s raise our glasses to creating the kind of love that lasts forever!
Please join me in congratulating Michelle and Arnie on celebrating their 10 years of extraordinary love by going to our Facebook page, so that we can surprise her with the happy wishes! 🙂
Today marks the end of the 21-day Self-Love Secret Challenge we’ve been sharing with some of the women in our community. I’m a mushball, so, any time a course comes to an end, I tend to get a little weepy. I used to hide that side of me – pretending I was tough. Now, what you see is what you get! I’m sentimental, I tear up at the slightest hint of happiness or love. And I love that about me!
It’s been an amazing 21 days shared with equally extraordinary women, and I have to admit that, while Michelle and I were leading the daily challenges, I learned several of my own lessons in self-love over the past few weeks!
For example, I noticed how…
…I sometimes speak negatively to myself when I make a mistake…
…when I’m really busy, there are times when I will sacrifice my self-care…
…when I’m not hitting all of my goals, I tend to compare myself to others…
…when I’m feeling down, I’ll want to hide away from others… especially those who love and want to help me me most…
Thankfully, over the 21 days, there was a Self-Love Challenge that dealt with each of these situations.
One day, we wrote love letters to ourselves…
We spoke words of love and affirmation when we caught ourselves thinking or speaking negatively of ourselves to ourselves or others.
We allowed ourselves to receive love, kindness, gifts, and compliments from those around us…
And each day, for 21 days, we focused on the qualities that make each of us unique, those qualities that bring love and beauty, and life to the world simply because we exist!
(By the way, when was the last time you gave yourself 21 days of pure love?)
Taking this journey along with the women who joined the Self-Love Secret Challenge affirmed for me even further that the self-love IS the secret to attracting and experiencing more love in your life!
When you love yourself fiercely and you acknowledge that who you are is already lovable and already worthy of all the happiness your heart desires, you radiate love and you teach others how to treat and love you!
It’s amazing and miraculous, and you deserve nothing less!
No matter how successful and confident you are, there may be times when you slip into negative self-talk, when a fear is triggered, or self-doubt is sparked. That doesn’t make you weak. It just makes you human. It’s in those moments when you want to give yourself and extra dose of self-love.
Do something special for yourself.
Think of a time when you felt a surge of confidence and pride in yourself.
Remind yourself that you are LOVE-ABLE: Able to love and be loved!
So, if today is one of those days when you’re feeling down, like you’re not at your best, or maybe you’re feeling downright unlovable, I invite you to do one of our Self-Love Secret Missions:
Set your timer for 1 minute.
Take a look in the mirror and look deeply into your own eyes.
As you look at yourself, simply say the words, “I love you” aloud, over and over again, until the minute is up.
Allow whatever feelings that begin to bubble up to come up.
Allow yourself to feel love from the person with whom you will have the longest love affair of your life: YOU!
Then let me know what the experience was like for you! How did you feel during the exercise. Did those feelings change as the time went by? Were any emotions triggered for you?
And, if you find that your heart is feeling so heavy that you can’t even bring yourself to do the exercise, hit “reply” anyway, and tell me what’s going on. Let me be there for you!
Allowing others to love you and allowing yourself to receive love is one of the most loving things you can do for yourself!!
Either way, I want to hear from you! I love seeing your name in my Inbox! 🙂
Comment below or send me an email: email@example.com Oh! And, no matter what, always remember that YOU ARE LOVED!
Hope that you had a wonderful day yesterday and that was overflowing with love and gratitude, no matter where you are in the world!
Michelle and I are heading out for some Black Friday shopping, and we wanted to let you know about the crazy sale we’re having just for you!
A few weeks ago, we asked you to send us your questions about what to say or do when your man says or does something that leaves you… well… speechless!
We read every single one of your questions and we’ve created a program that is going to give you the answers you’ve been waiting for!
So, in honor of Black Friday, we’re giving you the opportunity to jump in and grab your “What to Say to Your Man” Black Friday Bundle!
This is an AMAZING deal we’re offering so that you can learn EXACTLY what to say to a man in even the most challenging situations so that you can get the love you want!
The “What to Say to Your Man” Black Friday Bundle includes:
What to Say to Your Man: 40 Proven Scripts So You Know Exactly What to Say to Get the Love You Want! Ebook, where you’ll get the EXACT words to say and coaching on what to do so that you can say what you want or need and get it!
“What to Say to Your Man: EXACTLY What to Say and Do to Get the Love You Want!” 2-hour Masterclass, where we will teach you what to say and how to write your own scripts for responding in any situation!
A private Facebook group where you can get direct access to coaching from Gladys & Michelle, as well as interact with other Masterclass participants.
The mp3 audio of the Masterclass, so that you can download it and have it with you whenever you want or need it!
A 30-minute 1-on-1 Love Breakthrough Coaching Session with one of the Love Twins to answer any questions not covered in the book or masterclass.
Why are we so excited about this?
Because good communication is KEY in making a relationship work, and if you don’t know what to say (or not say) and how to say it, you’ll experience a lot of stress, arguments, and unnecessary heartache.
But, what if you knew the EXACT words to say, the ones you shouldn’t say, and the steps you should take to get the love your heart desires?
Today I’d like to focus on the second “P”: Protecting the woman he loves.
It may seem a little old-fashioned to think that a man feels that he needs to “protect” the woman he loves. After all, we women have become very independent and self-sufficient, and we can take care of ourselves – physically, emotionally, and financially.
However, when you think back to the beginning of time, men were the providers and protectors. If they didn’t protect the tribe, people died. It was just that simple.
That need to feel like he’s capable of protecting you from harm is inherent in a man. When he has the experience that he’s not able to prevent something bad from happening to you, he may very well react with what appears to be anger. And, in the moment, it may seem like that anger is directed at you.
I remember one day I was sharing with my husband about a business deal. I had shared an idea and made a verbal agreement with someone about a program that we were going to partner together to create and launch. Eventually, it turned out that the person went ahead with the idea without me and offered me a role in the project, but not a full partnership. I, of course, was disappointed and hurt, and shared these feelings with my husband. I shared that I still wanted to be part of the project, because I believed in it, but I was very hurt that I had been informed about the change in plans after the fact.
All of a sudden, I felt like I was being “attacked.” Instead of comforting and encouraging me, he began yelling and telling me that I would be a fool to continue working with this person who obviously took an idea we had brainstormed together and ran with it on her own, without discussing anything with me. He kept getting louder and angrier, and I was completely confused and felt as if he was rubbing salt in my wounds.
Rather than say something I would regret, I went upstairs and laid in my chaise lounge chair, crying. On top of being hurt, I was angry! Why was he taking this out on me?
Then I asked myself a question that has helped me to move from anger to understanding in the past.
What would have him say something like that to me?
See, my husband loves me, and I know that he wants to protect me from harm, not cause me harm. As soon as I asked myself that question (What would have him say something like that to me?”), I was able to see it as clear as day: He was trying to protect me!
See, in my husband’s eyes, someone had let me down, hurt me, cost me what could have been a great financial opportunity, and left me out of a partnership I had been so excited about being a part of.
However, worse than all of that, there was nothing he could do to prevent or “fix” it for me.
He felt helpless because he didn’t and couldn’t protect me!
After I moved from anger to compassion, I then moved into a space of gratitude!
I was so grateful that my husband was so loving and protective – even if he didn’t express it the way I would express it.
I walked downstairs, stood behind the couch he was sitting on, leaned down, and whispered in his ear, “I get it. You’re upset because you want to protect me from being hurt or taken advantage of. Thank you for your love.”
He turned around and looked me in the eye. I don’t know if it was shock and awe at the fact that I’d figured it out, or just plain and simple relief that I got what he’d been trying to express, but I’ll never forget the look in his eyes. He just said, “I am upset. I love you and don’t like seeing you sad or hurt.”
I walked around the couch, sat next to him, and nuzzled my nose into the crook of his neck and cried a little bit more.
Nothing had been resolved, but I felt loved, protected and at peace, no matter what ended up happening with the business project! I had my hero next to me, and, right then and there, that was all that really mattered!
Think about it:
Has there been a time when you felt like your husband or boyfriend wasn’t being supportive of your dream or idea?
Consider that he wants more than anything to see you realize your dream and be happy, and is afraid you’ll be disappointed if your idea fails. And, because there’s nothing he can do to stop that from happening, he tries to discourage you from getting your hopes too high.
Has there been a time when he’s gotten angry at you for being friends with or associating with someone who has hurt or disappointed you in the past?
Consider that he hates seeing you sad and upset, so he gets angry, and directs that anger at you, because he’s afraid you’ll get hurt and disappointed again. And, because there isn’t much he can do to prevent that from happening, he tries pointing out how foolish it is to trust someone who was capable of hurting or lying to you in the first place.
Regardless of what your specific situation is, if you can try to listen for the love behind the words of anger, it’s very possible that you will also hear his his desire to keep you safe.
While you may not understand his approach, if you can listen for and hear his love and concern and his desire to protect you, you, too, will be able to move from upset, to compassion, to gratitude that you have a man at your side who wants nothing more than to be your hero!
Questions? Comments? Let us know below! We love hearing from you!