by Gladys Diaz

One of the scariest parts of dating and being in a relationship is the uncertainty of it all.  Opening your heart to someone and letting them in to see who you truly are can be terrifying. Not knowing whether the person you are falling in love or already in love with will reciprocate the feelings you have for him or her is unsettling.  This fear and discomfort keeps us from allowing ourselves to be truly vulnerable and authentic with someone else. Because, what if I give all of me – my heart, body, and spirit to this other person, and I only end up getting hurt?

It’s what keeps people from getting out and dating.

It’ what stops people from moving to the next step in a relationship.

It’s what has people stay in a relationship with someone that is not right for them.

It’s what has people look for everything that’s “wrong” or not going to work with the other person, and has them run in the other direction.

And, in a relationship, it’s what keeps someone from acknowledging that the relationship is not working and reaching out for help.

Fear is paralyzing in any area of our lives, but particularly when it comes to love.  Why? Because love is an act of faith!

The fact is that there are no guarantees when it comes to love.  There is no way to tell whether the person you’re on a first date with is going to be the one with whom you’ll walk down the aisle.  There is no way of knowing whether the person you walk down the aisle with is the one with whom you will grow old. And there’s no way of knowing what the years in between will be like ahead of time.

So how does one muster up the courage to put her heart on the line? If love is so uncertain, is it worth it – worth taking the risk of getting hurt?

My answer? Absolutely!

The truth is that if everything was laid out for us and we knew exactly how it would turn out, we’d probably be bored out of our minds. While predictability can give us a sense of security, it also means we don’t have the opportunity to be in a space of wonder or pleasantly surprised and delighted by the one we love.  And, if everything were already laid out and predestined, then we’d feel like we had no choice, no ability to choose and create what it is we want to for ourselves and our lives, and no power to turn things around when they aren’t going the way we’d like.

It’s the unpredictable nature of love and being in a romantic relationship that gives us something to hope for, look forward to, and dream about.  It’s the fact that we have the power within us to attract, create, and experience the love our hearts desire that makes us feel like we have a say in how things will go when we focus on ourselves and what’s within our realm of control.  And it’s all of the moments – the good and the not-so-good, combined – that allows us learn more about ourselves and the person we’re choosing to love so that together we can create our own unique love story – our very own masterpiece!

So, yes, I’d like to tell you that it’s all going to be easy, that everything is going to turn out exactly the way you want it to, and that you won’t ever have to experience another heartbreak or disappointment.  I’d like to, but I can’t.

What I can tell you is that every moment of your love journey is a creation, a choice, and a manifestation of what you want and are willing to bring to the relationship.  And, that, while scary at times, when you step out in faith and are finally writing your love story and creating your masterpiece with the person you love and are loved by, it’s worth every bump, every heartache, and every tear. The reward is so much bigger than the risk!

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