by Gladys Diaz

This afternoon, Michelle and I had an opportunity to join our friend and host of Social Chats, Tonya Scholz and her co-host, Dean Bairaktaris to discuss why and how men and women communicate differently and how understanding these differences can make or break a relationship.

It was an interesting topic, to say the least!

The truth is that good communication is at the heart of making a relationship work. But “good communication” isn’t just about you saying what you want the other person to hear. It involves understanding how to say what it is you want to say so that the other person can understand what is being said.  It’s also about understanding and accepting that there are differences in the way that men and women speak, hear, process, and use the information being delivered and received.

If we can begin to understand these differences, and accept them as not as “right” or “wrong,” “better” or “worse,” but simply as different, we are on our way to improving and bring peace to all of our relationships – our romantic relationships, the relationship we have with our family and friends, those with our co-workers, and, yes, even the relationship between countries!

Below are some of the main differences we spoke about on the show.

Women tend to speak a lot more than men do,

The fact is that most women tend to speak more – a lot more – than men do. For example, research shows that, while most women tend to speak about 20,000 words a day, most men speak about 10,000 words in a day.  That means that there is a 50% difference between the amount of talking that is being done between men and women.

This is why, while women tend to want to include what we feel are “important details” when telling a story or relaying information, men tend to want us to just “get to the point.”  It’s also why you’ll begin to see that “glazed” look come across a man’s face when there are simply too many words being said.  It’s not that he doesn’t care or doesn’t want to listen. It’s just that there’s so much coming at him at once, it’s difficult to figure out what it is you are really trying to say.

If, as women, we can understand this, then we can begin to get clear about what it is we want to say so that he can actually hear it! 

Women’s and men’s brains process emotional information differently.

While men’s brains tend to process better in the left hemisphere – which is more logical and factual, women tend to process equally between both hemispheres.  There are actually more areas of the woman’s brains that connect their ability to feel, process, and speak about their feelings, then in the man’s brain.  This is why, if a woman is communicating very emotionally, she may have the experience that the man “doesn’t care,” because he isn’t saying anything right away. It possible that what he’s doing is processing the information coming at him.  He’s actually having to “sift” through all of the emotions coming at him, coupled with the tone of voice, volume level, tears (if there are any),  the intensity with which the actual words are being delivered.

If, as women, we can understand this, then we can begin to be responsible for the manner in which we are communicating, and choose to wait until we can do so in a calm and rationale manner so that (1) he can actually hear what we’re saying, and (2) so that the processing time can be shorter.

Women tend to want to talk about several things at once, while men are more single-focused

There are two difference that fall under this category.

Men are single-focused individuals. While a woman can talk about what happened during the day, the fact that she’s worried about her friend’s surgery, and the argument that she had with a co-worker, men tend to be single-minded.  That means that they will communicate better if there is one topic being addressed at a time.

By the way, ladies, this is also why he’s not listening when you’re talking to him during the game!  It’s not that he doesn’t care, it’s that he’s focused on something else.  It’s not personal, so don’t take it personally!

Men prefer transition time.  If a man has been dealing with something at work, working on a project, or doing something that takes a lot of his attention and energy and you want to have a conversation with him, it’s probably a good idea to give him some transition time, or, what I refer to as “time to decompress.”

Allowing some time for his attention and energy to transition from one activity or topic to the other means that, when you do finally get to communicate with him, the conversation is probably going to go a lot better than if you approach him with a machine gun of questions, topics, and decisions that need to be made right away.

If, as women, we can understand and accept this difference, then we can allow time to pass so that when we finally do have the conversation we’d like to have with him, he can be present, attentive, and responsive to what we are saying.

The most important thing to keep in mind is that the communication styles between men and women are “different,” does not mean that one is better or worse than the other.

If we can bring both understanding and acceptance to these differences, we’ll not only be able to improve the level and type of communication we have in our relationships, but we’ll also experience more peace, happiness, and intimacy as a result!

Feel free to contact us if you’d like more information on how you can learn learn how to communicate more effectively with members of the opposite sex!

We’ll be sharing the actual interview in our next article!

For more information on Social Chats, visit: http://socialchats.net/

Questions?  Comments? Let us know below!  We love hearing from you!