by Gladys Diaz

I’m almost embarrassed to admit this, but, yes, from time to time, I watch reality TV.  Usually, it’s something inspirational, like Oprah’s Lifeclass, Iyanla, Fix My Life, or Extreme Makeover Weightloss Edition. I prefer to watch reality shows that inspire the audience who is watching to make similar changes in their own lives.  And, there are shows I watch as a dating and relationship coach for “research” on what to say to my clients (and, more often, with some of the matchmaking and dating shows, what not to say to them).

There is one show that I watch that, while not it’s “inspirational,” nor does it “technically” have to do with dating and relationships, is providing more research than I expected when I began watching it: The Real Housewives of Miami.  As someone who truly believes in the empowerment of women and in helping women become the best versions of themselves, I tend to stay away from drama-driven shows that depict women – or have women depict themselves – in an unfavorable light.  But when I learned that someone I knew and have worked with before was going to be on the show, I was intrigued to watch!

So, what love lessons have I gleaned from watching The Real Housewives of Miami that I can share with you?

1. You have to be crystal clear about what you want to experience in a relationship.

   Several of the cast members, including Karent Sierra, have learned the hard way that, if you’re not 100% clear about what you want to experience in a relationship, you will “settle” for what you get.  When your heart’s desire is to be married and have children, it doesn’t mean that you would never date someone who, at the beginning is not sure this is something that he wants.  However, once you’ve been together a while and shared how important this is to you, if he’s still showing signs that this is not what he wants and where he is headed, don’t fool yourself by thinking that if you “love him enough,” “prove” that you’ll be a great wife and mother, or try to guilt or manipulate him into seeing how much it is hurting you to not have what you want, that you’ll somehow, eventually, change his mind.  The truth is that you need to stand for what’s important to you.  Giving ultimatums, making demands, and wishing and hoping that he will change his mind make it seem like it’s his choice to give you what you want to be happy, when the choice is actually yours.  See, only you know how long you are willing to wait to have the life your heart desires, and, eventually, you may  need to make the courageous decision, as Karent did, to move on, knowing that there is someone out there (who, by the way, is already looking for you) who will not only love and cherish you for the amazing woman you are, but who is also willing to step into your life and make the relationship of your dreams a reality for both of you!

2. When it’s over, it’s time to move on – Really move on.

   As strong and powerful a woman as Ana Quincoces is, it’s hasn’t been easy watching her pain as she comes to terms with her marriage coming to an end – a real end.  She and her husband, Robert, have been separated and even dating other people for a while, but it wasn’t until the episode a few weeks ago, when Ana moved out of the law office they had been sharing for years, that we were able to see just how painful it was for her to really come to terms with the end of the marriage, the business partnership, and all of the hopes and dreams they shared when they first began their life together.  It was nice to see her vulnerable side – not because I was glad she was experiencing pain – but because it was refreshing to see that the divorce was a big deal to her, and that she was finally beginning to let go and really begin to move forward with her new life.  See, fear keeps us holding onto the past – whether it’s holding on to an unhealthy relationship, because, as uncomfortable as is, it’s what familiar and what we’ve grown accustomed to; holding on to the memories of what used to be, because we are afraid to stake a step into the unknown future; or holding on to a person, because we’re afraid that either he will find the love of his life with another, or we’re afraid that we won’t. Fear keeps us stuck and doesn’t allow us to experience the joy and love that are our birthright!  Only when we are willing to let go – really let go – of the past, can we create space in our lives to experience something new… Something that is completely free of the constraints of the past and launches us into a new life – and a new love – that has just been waiting for us to be ready to step into it!

3. Don’t allow your fears to cheat you out of experiencing the love you desire and deserve!

   Moving on and learning to love again is scary, and Adriana De Moura would probably use the word “terrifying”!  It wasn’t until the episode where she threw a 50^th Anniversary party for her fiancé, Fredric’s, parents, that we could hear her longing to have a loving, passionate relationship that last for a lifetime. Adriana was so vulnerable when she shared how afraid she is of really committing to Fredric and marrying him. Her fear is understandable.  One of the scariest aspects of being in a relationship is that there are no guarantees.  Loving requires taking an emotional risk. When we choose to open our hearts again – particularly after having been hurt by infidelity, or because the person we fell in-love with simply is not the one willing to step in and helps us make our dreams come true – it takes an incredible amount of courage to allow ourselves to be vulnerable again.  We tend to put on this “take-it-or-leave-it” air about how we feel about love and relationships, and we deny ourselves – and the man that we are with – the gift of giving 100% of ourselves to him and the relationship.  We hold back, distance ourselves from our desires, and use the pain from the past to stop us from experiencing the love that is waiting for us here and now, in the present.  We cheat ourselves from experiencing what love can be because of the fear that we will get hurt again.  We need to be willing to take that step.  Yes, we might experience heartache again… But you know what?  We already know we can survive it, because we already have!  So, all there is to do is take a courageous step, open our hearts, and open ourselves up to the possibility of experiencing a love that surpasses even our wildest dreams!

There are many more love lessons I’ve learned from watching this show, and I’ll share more on the next blog post.

For now, if you have comments or questions you’d like to share, please feel free to do so below!  We love hearing from you!

Image courtesy of imagerymajestic via FreeDigitalPhotos.net