by Gladys Diaz

 When we transition from “just us” to being a family, it’s easy to get wrapped up in the joys and responsibilities of parenthood.  There is so much to do, so many new roles and responsibilities, and, quite frankly, you learn to be “exhausted” on a whole new level.  Add to that everything you were already doing before the children were born, and it’s easy to forget to make your relationship a priority.

I know that after I had my first child, I was in a completely new space.  For the first time in my life I questioned how “competent” I was for a job!  I felt so vulnerable, so insecure, and so tired, and I admit that I put my son before everything else.  It caused friction in our marriage for the first couple of years, and, it wasn’t until I started practicing the skills and principles that I now teach that I realized that it wasn’t that my husband had changed or that he didn’t want to “pitch in,” or that the “myth” out there that the relationship has to change once you have children does not have to be true.  I had changed. And I’d forgot that the one who I promised to love, cherish, and honor for the rest of my life was my husband.  I forgot to be a lover as well as a wife.

Now, will your relationship go through changes once children enter the picture?  Of course it will!  Growing and changing are natural part of life.  But that doesn’t mean that the romantic part of your relations can’t grow, change, and become deeper than ever!  Continuing to see and treat each other as lovers, while honoring one another as parents makes us better at both roles.  And I believe that there is perhaps no better gift to give our children than an example of what love, intimacy, and partnership looks like when they can see in us the love we have for one another and the love we share with them.

So, what are some easy steps to make sure that we are loving and supporting one another as lovers      and appreciating one another as parents:

1. Make time for “alone time.” Even if it means an hour or two after the kids are gone to bed, spend time talking, snuggling and being “a couple.” Oh, and make time for date nights.  If you can’t afford a sitter, then plan a special dinner, have a glass of wine on the porch, or watch an adult cartoon-free movie together.  Just make sure to plan the time and honor it!
2. Keep the romance alive. And this doesn’t only mean the sexual part of the relationship, although, of course, that’s an important (and one of the most fun parts) of the relationship.  Do “the little things” you used to do to show him that you love him.  Leave little love notes, walk by and give him a kiss, give him a back rub, and let him know how lucky you feel to be loved by him.  While we don’t need to be making out in front of our kids, a few stolen kisses, grabs, and flirting go a long way to keep that spark lit!
3. Make time for yourself.  It’s important to replenish and refuel your mind, body, and spirit.  Take time to relax, take a bubble bath, spend time with friends, or just take a nap.  You can’t draw water from an empty well, and making sure your emotional tank is full will also help you make sure you have the patience and energy it takes to be the best wife and mother you can be!

Do you have ideas for continuing to keep the love alive as a couple, while still being there to love and support our children?  Please share them!  We’d love to hear (and maybe steal them)!

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