by Gladys Diaz

“In every marriage more than a week old, there are grounds for divorce. The trick is to find, and continue to find, grounds for marriage.”

– Robert Anderson

One of the first things we tell the women who we coach or who attend our workshops is that, if you’re going to play, play to win.  What does that mean?  Sometimes, when things in a relationship are not going as well as the woman would like them to, particularly if the couple has been struggling for a while, although they are attending a workshop or receiving coaching in an effort to turn things around, their actions and words point to the fact that they are trying to “get out.”  They’re listening to the coaching, but from a context that things are not going to change anyway.

Subconsciously, what some of these women are doing is looking for a way out and not for the way to turn things around.  They may want to spend time talking about what their husband/boyfriend, did, has done, and will continue doing wrong.  They want to wait and see if he will change before they commit to making a change.  Many times, they are drunk on and addicted to the drama-driven adrenaline rush of and caught in the vicious circle of creating and recreating arguments that lead to no resolution at all.

If you are really ready to make a change in your relationship, then you need to be in it to “win” it.  There is a completely different level of commitment, integrity, and “coachability” that is present when you are willing to give it 100% of your effort – sometimes, in the face of no agreement, sometimes with very little evidence that “it’s working,” and sometimes in spite of the fear that you will make all of these changes and maybe nothing will change.  You’ve got to be willing to be the one who causes the change, first in herself, and then in the relationship.

When you are committed to making changes in yourself first, it’s virtually impossible for the other person not to notice or be impacted.  The new-found levels of peace, respect, love and gratitude that you will be experiencing and sharing will be noticed.  The key, however, is to remember that you’re not doing it to get noticed.  You’re making the changes for YOU, and, therefore, you will benefit most.  And, yes, the benefits will spill over into other areas of your life, including your relationship!

So, if you’re going to play, give it your all.  If you’re going to commit to changing within so that you can experience the love, peace, and intimacy your heart desires, then really make a commitment.  Commit to making the changes, to standing in love, and to practicing the new skills, habits, and principles you are learning full-out – even when you are afraid, doubtful, or don’t “feel like it”… especially when you don’t feel like it!

Yes, it will take a level of emotional risk. Yes, you’ll need to be vulnerable.  And, yes, you may not always get it “right.”  But, if you choose to make the changes within that will make a difference for you and your relationship, the benefits – love, peace, intimacy, and happiness – will be worth it!

So, my question to you is: Are you in it to win it?

Photo credit: samcaplat via photopin.com cc