by Gladys Diaz

“The greatest gift that you can give to others is the gift of unconditional love and acceptance.”

~ Brian Tracy

When we ask women what they are looking for in a relationship, many times, they will say that they want to find someone who will love and accept them exactly the way they are.  Putting aside that this is more about “who” they are looking to attract, rather than the experience they want to create (see our blog post on giving up “the checklist” and what to do once you’ve given up the checklist), what I hear in their responses is that they just want someone to love them. They want to be in a relationship with someone who will not try to “fix” or “change” them, someone with whom they can be themselves.

In the end, I think that’s what we all want – both women and men!

Here’s the thing.  As we’ve shared in previous posts, we need to BE what we want to see in our relationships.  Many times, although we want to be loved and accepted for who we are, we forget that, in order to attract someone with whom we can create a loving and accepting relationship – where both of us can be who we are, free of fear of judgment – then we need to BE loving and accepting ourselves.  We need to see someone – with all of their quirks, and habits, ideas, and ways of being – and offer the same selfless acceptance we want to receive.  And this is where many times I see a “disconnect” between what women say they want and who they are willing to be.

I read a lot of dating and relationship blogs as part of my own personal development. As much as I don’t always like the content, I also watch a few reality shows, as a way to study the dynamics between the men and women on the shows.  So many times, I am just floored by how quickly women interpret a guy’s mistake as a sign that he’s “a loser,” he’s “playing games,” or he’s “not marriage material.”  The fear of “wasting her time” and/or getting hurt, has the woman discount, disregard, and totally tear apart the poor guy in her blog post.

Or I’ll see women telling their husbands, boyfriends, or dates how they should dress, speak, act, and react on national TV in a totally disrespectful, “parental,” and, quite frankly, unattractive way.  And I usually rewind back to the moment when this happened and just watch how the men’s facial expressions and body language change.  I can physically see them look down, slump a little, sometimes look shocked, and other times see them completely shut down.

The act of unconditional love – they type of love we all want to create and experience – includes accepting all of who that person is. It means embracing the parts of the person we love and the parts we don’t.  It means extending understanding and forgiveness in the same measure we hope to receive it.  It means keeping in mind that our guy is not “fixer-upper project.” He is who he is.  And he may choose to change, but the choice to change is his and, if you’ve promised to love him, then you promised to love him – the good, the not-so-good, and everything in between.

We can only receive unconditional love to the extent that we are willing to give it.  We can only attract to ourselves that which we are being.  And the “bonus” in all of this – what makes it a win-win – is that, since we’re not expecting “perfection,” then we don’t have to be perfect.  Since we are being generous and gracious in our understanding and forgiving, then we can experience what it’s like to receive that, too.  And that, since we are being the best version of ourselves, we can experience the type of happiness, intimacy, and tenderness our hearts truly desire and deserve!

How will you bring love and acceptance to your relationships?

Photo credit: samcaplat via photopin.com cc