by Gladys Diaz

“The truth you believe and cling to makes you unavailable to hear anything new.”

~ Pema Chodron

In yesterday’s blog post, we looked at how our reasons can stop us from moving forward and creating the life and the love that we want.  In addition to our reasons, there are certain thoughts and beliefs that we hold as “the truth” that can completely keep us stuck where we are, repeating patterns of behaviors and experiences, attracting the same type of person into our lives, and creating the false reality that this is the only way things will ever be and happen for us.

How can we shift these beliefs so that we can begin to experience freedom in our lives and relationships to create what we really desire?

Let’s begin by taking a look at ourselves, because this is where everything truly begins, anyway.

If, for example, you have limiting beliefs about yourself – about your worth, the type of love and life you deserve, what you are able to accomplish or experience in your life, or why you “are” the way you “are” – it is difficult for you to hear, accept or believe anything different.  Even if you read a great and inspirational self-help book, attend an incredible workshop, or work with an amazing and effective coach, until you commit to letting go of these limiting beliefs, it doesn’t matter what you read or hear.  You simply won’t believe it.  You aren’t available to hear and accept it.

If you have limiting beliefs about men and relationships, if you are clinging to the belief that men only want sex, that men can’t and don’t want to make a commitment, and that men are cheaters, how in the world can you then be surprised when every man that you attract into your life provides you with more evidence to support that belief you hold as “the truth”?  By universal law, what you believe to be true will continue to present itself in your life – no matter how much you wish, hope, or pray for it to be any different.

And, if you’ve loved and been hurt before – due to the fact that the person left, you chose to leave, or because of a death – and you believe that you will never experience love again because there is only one “The One” for each person in the world, then you will continue to take actions that are consistent with that belief.  Even if you do go out and date different people, you will always find a reason why he’s not “good enough,” doesn’t “measure up” to your lost love, or how he reminds you too much of the one who broke your heart.  Over and over, you’ll experience having a broken heart or never really having the experience of loving and being loved ever again.

Bottom line: In order for there to be a change in your experience of life and love, it’s going to require a mental and emotional “shift” to begin to see things differently.

Sound difficult? It can be.  But it doesn’t have to be!

See, that “truth” that you are clinging true is no more and no less “true” than the opposite of that statement.  What do I mean?  Well, if you believe, for example, that all men want from you is sex, that is no more and no less true than telling yourself that every man you meet is dying to make you his wife!  The only difference is that you’ve been telling yourself one thing a lot longer than the other, and you’ve spent a lot of time and energy gathering evidence and convincing yourself that it is true!  So, now, what if you begin to see every man as someone who is committed to pleasing and making you smile, and trying his hardest to be the one you will choose to love for the rest of his life?  What if that was the truth? What would the experience of dating be like then?  Hmmmm…

If the “truth” you’ve been holding onto is that your marriage is beyond repair, that your husband doesn’t want the relationship to work, and that you’re better off alone, then you will likely spend every minute of every day looking for evidence to support this.  You’ll see how distant he is.  How he seems to not care about anything – especially you. However, what if you choose to believe that the promises you made to each other on your wedding day were not merely “suggestions” or “a wish”? What if you were to begin to look for evidence of all of the ways your husband shows that he does want the relationship to work – even if the way he chooses to do this is by being quiet and distant (because he’d rather do that than constantly be arguing with you, because he loves you)? What if you were to choose to focus your energy on looking for evidence of all the qualities that had you fall in love with him in the first place (because they are still there… only buried beneath a pile of complaints and expectations)?  What would the experience of being married and doing whatever you could to shift things around – beginning with yourself? Hmmmm…

The point is that you create your own “truth.”  You can choose to believe something different.  See, if we’re going to make up what the truth is for ourselves, we may as well make up something that empowers and inspires us, rather than something that fills us with fear, cynicism and resignation, right?

So, here are some steps you can take in order to begin “the shift”:

1. Write down all of the things you “already know to be true” about yourself, men, and relationships.
2. Next to each statement, write down what it is costing you to continue believing that this is “the truth.”
3. Under each statement write a new and empowering affirmation – a new truth – that you can begin to repeatedly tell yourself so that you can begin the process of “rewiring” your brain and believing in what’s truly possible for YOU!

What “truth” have you been holding on to?  Are you ready to let it go in order to have the love and life you desire and deserve?

Photo credit:  twenty_questions via photopin.com cc