by Gladys Diaz

Surrender to this moment, accept things and people as they are, and your heart will begin to open.

~ Jonathan Mead

One of the main principles that we cover in our workshops and coaching is that of “surrender.” Now, when people hear the word “surrender,” they tend to think of things like “defeat,” “giving up,” or “getting stepped on.”  However, surrender is more of a spiritual term, and it does not involve losing, getting beaten down, or not having a voice.  Instead, surrender is about acceptance – Accepting people, things, and situations exactly the way they are and exactly the way they are not.  It means that rather than resisting and resenting the way a person or situation is – then trying to “fix,” change, and make them “better” – we allow it to be the way it is now, knowing that it’s perfect the way that it is.

Now, I usually get a lot of arguments and questions from people right about this point in the conversation that sounds something like, “So, you mean, we should be happy that there are kids starving all over the world or in our own backyard,” or “So this means that I’m ‘stuck’ being in an unhappy relationship,” or “So, I’m supposed to pretend that I don’t want to be in a relationship and get married?”

If those questions (or some like it) were screaming out in your head, don’t worry!  Relax.  This is not what it means!  Surrendering does not mean agreeing with, suffering through, or pretending that we’re happy about something we’re not.  It just means acknowledging: This is the way it is right now.  I may want it to be a different way, but, right now, this is how it is.

This acknowledgement creates acceptance.  And, in the space of acceptance, there is now room for freedom (to choose or not choose to do something differently), for peace (of mind and spirit), and for love (free from judgment – unconditional love)!

So, how does this look in a relationship?  Perhaps my husband is overweight, and I think he “should” eat more healthy foods and exercise.  I can take two approaches to this situation.  I can drop hints for my husband, make comments about how much weight he’s gained, give him “helpful suggestions” about what he “should” eat and do – basically, I can nag him about it and totally pour water all over the embers of intimacy…  Or I can surrender my need to control him and just allow him to be who he is, make the choices for himself that he sees fit, and stand by him, no matter what.  And, then, if he chooses to make changes, I can be his biggest cheerleader, completely trusting in his ability to do what’s right for him. This leads to him feeling respected, supported, and free to make his own decisions.

If I’m dating, and a guy I’m seeing works really long hours. I can hint that he needs to make more time for me, be upset with him for doing what he feels he needs to do for his career, or decide that a guy who spends too much time working is not the guy for me – Never mind that when he is with me he treats me like a princess, makes sure I’m having a great time, and that he’s determined to make his life (and, perhaps even our future!) better.  I’m just going to walk away from what could possibly be the relationship I’ve always wanted… Or I can surrender, stop trying to control him, the relationship, and the situation, and make the time that we are together count!

Acceptance does not require “agreement” or having to “settle” or “be stuck” with the way things are in the present.  It simply means that we acknowledge and accept that “It is the way it is right now.”  Whether we are referring to our lives, careers, relationship or relationship status: It is the way it is right now.  And if we can accept it, rather than resist it, refuse it, or try to fix it or force it to change… If we can just let go and bring acceptance, grace, and gratitude, in the space that is created, peace is felt, love is possible, we feel empowered to make the changes necessary within ourselves, and we begin to experience freedom… peace… bliss!

Have you been trying to control someone or something in your life, only to feel “powerless,” resentful, and unfulfilled?  If so, take on the practice of surrendering and accepting people things the way they are so that you can open a space for them to become what they can be!

Photo credit: Sabbir Siraj via photopin.com cc