by Gladys Diaz

The other night, we held our monthly Intimacy Skills Training Webinar.  The topic of the webinar was “How to Get More Help, Gifts, and Compliments: The Magic of Gratitude.  Being on the call was – in a word – magical!  In just a few minutes of doing two exercises, all of us on the call were able to experience a “shift” in the energy around us – and this was a virtual meeting with women from all over the world.

In the first exercise, we walked through a few “less-than-desirable” scenarios and looked to see what it was that we could be thankful for.  It was amazing how we were able to find things to be grateful for, even  when a guy arrives late for a date without calling to say he’s going to be late; when our man chooses to invite a friend who just broke up with his fiancé to what was supposed to be a romantic dinner; and when our guy changes a light bulb 3 weeks after he said he would, and after we tripped on the stairs (true story!).  It was wonderful to see all of the things that the women were typing into the chat box as reasons for which to be grateful in situations where we could just as easily choose to be upset, make sure he felt guilty about doing something “wrong,” and potentially end up in a bitter argument.

This is because it’s really up to us to allow ourselves to feel gratitude.

It may sound weird to hear that gratitude is something we need to allow ourselves to feel, but it’s true.  As with anything else we feel – happiness, resentment, peace, etc. – feeling gratitude is a choice we make.  In fact, the degree to which we choose to be grateful in our lives determines how we see the world.

I made the analogy on the webinar of how withholding the feeling and expression of gratitude has us see the world through gray-colored glasses.  When we choose to focus on what’s not working in our lives, on what isn’t “good enough” or “up to our standards,” and we put a lot of energy into complaining about these things, it prevents us from being able to see the good that is already there, right in front of us.  We’re so focused on what’s missing that we cheat ourselves out of seeing and experiencing the things that are working.

Once we shift our focus to seeing the things that we already have – and it is a conscious choice we make to do so – it’s almost as if we turned the switch from gray to “High-Def,” and we’re able to see all of the blessings that have been right before our very eyes all along!  We’re able to see the things, the people, the situations, and the abundance of beauty that surrounds us in even the simplest of things.

Now, granted, it’s not always easy to make that shift, especially when we’re “going through stuff.”  If, for instance, we just had an argument or broke up with the guy we love, are dealing with illness or death of a loved one, or have lost our job, it’s hard to not get drawn into the sadness, anxiety, and despair that accompanies those types of situations.  In fact, it’s really easy to begin to feel sorry for ourselves and avoid seeing the things that we do have, that are good and can still bring us joy, even in the face of an undesirable circumstance.

Another exercise we did on the webinar was to write down in 1 minute at least 5 things for which we were grateful, including things about our dates, boyfriends, husbands, or men, in general.  That’s when the energy really started to shift.  In literally 60 seconds, everyone felt the magical power of gratitude.  It was like a pulse of energy coming through my computer screen! At first, I thought it was just me, but then people began commenting, and I began to realize that this was real.  We were creating the experience of feeling and expressing gratitude. And… we were all sharing that feeling across the globe!  As I said before: It was magical!

So, what can you do to begin experiencing some of this magic, too?

1. Make a conscious choice to see things, people, and situations that are working in your life.

   This isn’t about “being in denial” about the things that aren’t working in your life.  It’s important to acknowledge what isn’t working so that you can turn it around.  However, unless you choose to turn your focus to the things that are working, you’re going to find it really difficult to deal with what’s not, because it’s hard to see what you are capable of doing and changing through gray-colored glasses!

2. Allow yourself to experience the gratitude. 

   This is more than simply saying a polite “Thank you” when someone does or says something nice.  This is about allowing yourself to feel gratitude.  Allow yourself to experience the peace, joy, love, and fulfillment that these people, things, and situations bring to you and your life.  Don’t dismiss, minimize, or “excuse” them away.  Just take a few seconds to appreciate them and feel the gratitude.

3. Express the gratitude.

   Writing down a list of the things for which you are grateful is always a great practice.  I love putting things into my gratitude journal.  However, it’s an even more powerful practice to actually express the gratitude for these people, situations, and things aloud so that you and others can hear it!  So, tell your husband you’re grateful that he commutes 2 hours a day to go to work (yes, even if you do that, too).  Tell your co-workers how much working with them makes coming to work something you look forward to.  Tell your kids how much you appreciate that the playroom stayed clean for a full 24 hours!  Tell your date that you appreciate how he walked around the car to open your door and how he picked a restaurant you enjoyed.  And tell people how grateful you are for your health, your family, your faith, and your pets.  Just share away!  When you do that, not only do you get to re-experience that grateful feeling, but you are now sharing that feeling with others and perhaps even creating an opportunity for them to share what they are grateful for,  which helps shift their energy, too!

So, go ahead, make a choice to shift your focus to all of the blessings in your life, allow yourself to feel the gratitude for them, and share the gratitude by expressing it to others!

Gratitude is magical.  It’s transformational.  It’s the gift that keeps on giving!

Image courtesy of: anekoho via freedigitalphotos.net