by Gladys Diaz
I know it’s frustrating…
You put yourself out there, engage in back-and-forth texting until he finally asks you out on a date.
You go out and have an amazing time.
You don’t want to get your hopes up (again), but you think he has a lot of potential.
He asks you out on another date… and then another.
Now you’re feeling pretty sure that he maybe, might be the one…
You stop going on line.
You start reserving space in your weekend (just in case)
You don’t accept dates from other men (Why? You’re already planning your fifth date!)
Then…
Crickets.
And, after that… that familiar feeling of hurt and frustration.
I get it.
It’s easy to get excited when you meet a nice guy who is a gentleman, is making time to see you, calls between dates, and is fun to be with.
And it’s tempting to want to save space in your calendar, just in case he asks you out.
The problem is that, if you’re like most women, you make 3 big mistakes when you do this.
The first mistake is what we call “falling into a ‘pseudo-relationship.”
Because, as a woman, you naturally want to bond and connect with someone emotionally and physically, it’s natural for you to think you’re in a relationship, even if you’re not.
Trust me, when you’re in a relationship, you’ll know. You won’t have to wonder. The man will come out and tell you that he doesn’t want to see anyone else and that he’d like you to do the same.
Until a man says that, go by this motto: It’s not a relationship until it is.
The second mistake is becoming prematurely attached.
When you aren’t seeing anyone else, it’s natural to have the feelings for the one person you are seeing grow.
Even if you don’t know him very well, and even if you’re not really sure if you really like him, the fact that you are spending so much time together — the proximity, the amount of time and attention you are giving him — will have you become prematurely attached to him.
This has you waiting for his call, texting or calling him when you don’t hear from him, start to get nervous when Wednesday comes around and he hasn’t asked you out for the weekend yet… Sound familiar.
This is such a trap, and what happens is that you fall into making the third mistake.
The third mistake is getting upset when he doesn’t call or ask you out.
Remember the motto I mentioned above? It’s not a relationships until it is.
Until you are in a relationship with a man, he does not have to call or text you every day.
He doesn’t have to ask you out.
And (and this is the one that can cause the most upset), he can call, text, go out, and sleep with anyone he pleases.
You’re NOT in a relationship.
He doesn’t have to do any of those things, and it’s quite possible he is talking to and going out with several women.
Which is why we recommend you do the same!
Now, we’re not saying kiss or sleep with several men.
You can do that, if you choose (although I don’t recommend that).
What I am saying is that you can talk to, go out with, and have fun getting to know different men.
The benefit?
- You get to meet and have a great time getting to know several nice men at the same time.
- You avoid falling into a pseudo-relationship.
- You prevent getting too emotionally attached to someone you really don’t know and aren’t in a committed relationship with.
- And you avoid getting upset, feeling resentful, or putting any unrealistic expectations on a man who is not your boyfriend.
Which also means you avoid a lot of unnecessary heartache.
As much as I know you want to be in a relationship, trust me when I tell you that not attaching yourself or mistaking “dating” for a relationship is going to make dating a lot less frustrating and a lot more fun for you!
If you have any questions regarding how to be more successful in dating so that is a lot more exciting, fulfilling, and FUN, simply tell me your #1 question or challenge when it comes to dating.
I promise to reply and give you some straight coaching about how to avoid some of the traps of dating so that you can have more success in attracting the love you want!
As a man, I think a lot of this is right on. My wife and I dated for ~9 months before we finally “fell in love” and decided to be in a relationship. We’ve been together now for 7 years and are still absolutely crazy about each other. We were both casually dating other people at the time and made sure each other knew about that as well, so as to avoid the “but I didn’t think you were sleeping with anyone else!” argument that happens so often when adults just aren’t upfront and honest with each other as you can be. I’d encourage your readers to do the same. If a man doesn’t want you dating or sleeping around, sometimes you need to give him some real world situations that force the conversation and force him to show up in a way that makes him worthy enough for you to drop your other suitors.
Thanks for sharing this from a man’s perspective, and I am so happy that you and your wife found one another!
I agree with the part about waiting and dating other people. It really does allow you to know you are choosing the right person for you when you are seeing other people and noticing the one with whom you most feel happy and want to spend the most time with.
In our work, we don’t tell or teach women to do anything that would “force a man to do anything. We do encourage them to be the best version of themselves and allow the man to see — on his own, with no games or rules or tactics — just how much he wants to be with her. When a man is truly interested, he always lets you know! And, when he does, then you can let him know that you feel the same way. It really is a win-win situation for both! 🙂