by Gladys Diaz

Making a commitment to change and do whatever it takes to create the type of relationship you have always wanted – whether your are single and ready to attract the man who is right for you, or you are already married or in a committed relationship where some of the intimacy has been lost – takes a huge amount of courage.  Below is a message I sent the women who receive our newsletter last year about the steps you can take when you feel ready to make a change.

 How am I going to live today in order to create the tomorrow I’m committed to?

~ Anthony Robbins

Have you ever come to the realization that you want different results, but you’re just not sure how or where to begin or how to make a change?  Almost any time we choose to make a change in our lives – whether it has to do with our health, our careers, or our personal relationships – there is a factor that seems to rear its ugly little head, making us doubt that change is truly possible: Fear.

So many times, when I am coaching women around creating or recreating their romantic relationships, some concerns that come up include:

·         Can I really change after all this time?

·         What if I make all of these personal changes and it doesn’t make a difference?

·         What if I change, but he doesn’t?

All of these concerns are understandable.  When we’ve consistently been doing something – a certain behavior or habit; a way of acting or reacting; a pattern of thinking – as uncomfortable or undesirable as the results we are getting may be, we still resist changing out of fear.  What we may not realize is that this fear has nothing to do with what is possible now or in the future.  This fear of what may happen or not happen is coming from our past.  And, unless we distinguish it for what it truly is – fear, NOT reality – we will use this as the excuse to remain in the same pattern of destructive – or, at the very least, unfulfilling – beliefs and actions, rather than muster up the courage to begin to transform those areas by taking new, more empowering steps toward the future we really desire.

So, how do we being to change those patterns? By taking actions!  Here are a few things we help the women we work with do:

1. Determine and declare the type of relationship you are committed to creating.  This is an essential first step.  Unless you are clear about the type of relationship you are committed to creating, fear, memories, and resentments from the past will creep in and convince you that you are doing too much, wasting your time, or not worthy of the love you desire and deserve.
2. Acknowledge when a fear-based thought enters your mind and relate to it as just that: Simply a thought, not reality.
3. Acknowledge that that thought is coming from the past and has nothing to do with what is possible for you now or in the future.
4. Begin to take daily consistent actions regarding how you think, act, and respond to those around you (especially the person you are dating or with whom you are in a relationship).

Breaking free of the past is much easier when you have your sights clearly set on the future you are committed to creating and living in to.  When that clarity is there, and when you believe in your heart that you are deserving and capable enough to create that future, there is very little that can stand  in your way!

Photo credit:  via melolou photo.com cc