I don’t know if this happens to you, but I love what I do for a living! Sometimes, especially if I’m working on a new and exciting project, I can work for hours without even noticing time go by! This has been especially true for me this week, since the time changed and we are now an hour ahead. The sun is bright outside my window, I look at my clock and see that it’s 7:00pm! Enter the mad rush to get dinner on the table!
While it’s great to get lost in doing what I love, I also enjoy making time for the people and things that I love.
I love having time off to do things for myself and spend time with my family. I love feeling a little “guilty” about snuggling up in my chaise lounge reading a book for the pure pleasure of it! I enjoy being in the living room with my 3 guys all around me – not doing anything “special” – just being with one another. I love that time in the evening, when it’s just my husband and me, and we can speak or kiss for 5 consecutive minutes without being interrupted! (smile)
Being a successful professional woman – whether you are single, married, or in a relationship – requires the ability to turn off “work mode,” which often involves taking on a lot of masculine energy, and turning up your feminine energy.
It means finding the sweet spot where you shift from being what Michelle and I call being “The Invincible Woman” and “The Irresistible Woman” – that strong-yet-soft-and-sensual, capable-yet-receptive, and powerful-yet-vulnerable feminine energy that is what makes you attractive and alluring to men!
If you find that it’s difficult for you to shed your Invincible Woman cape to wrap yourself in your Irresistible Woman radiance, you’ll want to join us over the next few months, because we are going to be offering several live and virtual events you can attend that will show you how to go From Invincible to Irresistible in your love life!
We will be speaking about how you can be Invincible at work and Simply Irresistible in your love life!
We’re excited to be speaking at this event which sells out year after year, sharing the secrets to becoming a Simply Irresistible Woman.
To join us, check out the information below!
Can’t make to the live event? Not to worry! We are planning some very cool virtual events just for you so, make sure you are subscribed to receive our emails!
There IS a way you can have everything your heart desires in life, career, and love! Let us share the secrets that we have used in our own lives and marriages to help you become a Simply Irresistible Woman in your love life!
In honor of Women’s History Month and in conjunction with the 10th Annual Jazz in the Gardens Music Festival, the City of Miami Gardens will host the 2015 WOMEN’S IMPACT CONFERENCE & LUNCHEON, created in 2010. At the conference, women of varied races, creed and cultures are exposed to:
ideas and strategies for how to take time for self-discovery
essential activities associated with inspiration and motivation
ways women can live centered and complete lives by taking advantage of all of life’s endless possibilities.
Attendees will be entertained and engaged, as distinguished experts deliver the tips, tools and information on topics to inspire women.
Michelle and I are honored to be speaking at this created to event to inspire and empower women!
Michelle and I are honored to be speaking at this created to event to inspire and empower women!
This highly anticipated, and historically “sold-out” event, will take place at the beautiful property ofMiramar Cultural Center, Miramar, Florida, from 8:00 am – 4:00 pm on Friday, March 20th, 2015!
One of the most common complaints we get from women is that they feel like they don’t know how to communicate with men. This is true for single women, as well as those who are married and in relationships. There is simply a feeling that they are not being heard.
The main problem is usually that the opposite is true.
If you’re like most women, the truth is that you’re probably talking way too much!
Stay with me, here!
As a woman, you use about three times as many words as most men in a single day. You have the unique ability to be able to have a thought, connect a feeling to it, and connect that thought and feelings with words. And then you have the uncanny ability to speak those words – sometimes over, and over, and over again.
Usually, the over-talking comes from fear.
Fear that you won’t get what we want.
Fear that you’ll upset the other person.
Fear that you have to somehow justify why you want you want.
When those fears get in the way during conversations, over-talking is used as a way to try to convince the other person to agree with you, to pacify the other person, or to make a case for why what you want is important or necessary.
The problem is that, when you begin to talk too much, a man simply can’t hear what you are saying.
The desire, feeling, or need gets buried under a mountain of words, reasons, excuses, and justifications.
In order for him to get the point of what you are saying, your man needs to dig himself out from under all of that, which can feel overwhelming. Hence, the “glazed-over stare”!
If he feels like he is being pressured or manipulated into agreeing with something, he will resist, which will have him automatically get on the defensive. Now, you’ve become “the enemy.”
If he feels as if he’s being disrespected in any way, he’ll withdraw or completely shut down. Welcome to the cold shoulder or silent treatment.
In any of these cases, no matter how much you talk, he won’t hear you.
In fact, the more you talk, the less likely he is to hear you, because he’ll either be overwhelmed and unable to hear you, on-guard and only interested in defending himself, or shut down and disconnected from you.
Either way, you’re not getting what you want in that conversation: Connection
So, how can you speak in way where you can say what you want to say and have him hear you?
Get Clear. If you know that you tend to get wordy or long-winded you speak, make sure you’re clear about what you want to say. Talk it out with a friend before you bring it to him. If you have no one to talk to at the moment, speak it into your phone and record yourself, then listen to the recording. This way, you can hear what it’s like to be on the receiving end of what you are planning to say. (This can be such an eye-opener!)
Keep it Simple. Once you’re clear about what you want to say, see if you can get it down to a 3-5 word sentence. If you can’t, consider you’re trying to say too much. Also, avoid adding reasons and justifications to what you are sharing. Keeping the message simple not only helps you feel clear about what you’re saying, but allows him to hear you more clearly.
Take a Breath. Once you’ve clearly and succinctly said what you want to say, take a breath and stop talking. If you know that’s hard for you to do, take a breath and drink some water or put some food in your mouth! I know it sounds funny, but you’re going to have to train yourself to trust that once you’ve said what you want to say clearly, he’s heard you.
Listen. If he chooses to respond, listen to what he says without interrupting, contradicting, or defending your position. Give him an opportunity to respond and say what he thinks. Remember, he may not agree. That doesn’t mean he didn’t hear you. It just means he has a different opinion or feeling about it. Just listen to what he’s saying.
Allow there to be spaces of silence. There may be times when he doesn’t immediately respond to what you’ve said. Respect the silence and don’t make it mean that something is “wrong.” Men don’t have the same ability we have to almost immediately connect thoughts to feelings and words. Their brains work differently and, many times, they need more time to process what’s been said. And, as I tell my clients: He can’t hear his thoughts if he’s only hearing yours!
Communication in any relationship is critical, but this doesn’t only refer to the “talking” part of the equation.
So, the next time you’re going to speak with a man, remember to get clear about what you want to say, say it simply and clearly, then take a breath and listen. I promise it will feel like a whole new experience that will lead to a lot more closeness and connection!
Questions? Comments? Let us know below! We love hearing from you!
Wow! We received some great questions and ideas for video blogs about dating and relationships! If you have a question you’d like us to answer, just write it in the comments below and let us know what it is!
As you know, in “How to Start Dating Again, Part 1,” I gave 2 steps to take before you begin dating again. The first one – honoring your desire to be in a loving relationship – is true for both singles and single moms alike!
In this video, Michelle shares two additional tips! The first one is a “must” for all single women who are on a date, and the second tip is specific to single moms who are wondering how and when to introduce someone to their children!
Remember, if you’re not single, but you know a single mom who wants to get ready to date and love again, make sure you share the LOVE with her by sending he the link to the video
Just click the image below to view and share these tips!
You truly do deserve to have the love and happiness your heart desires, and we want to do everything we can to help you make your dreams come true!
Watch the video and, if you have a question you’d like us to answer, justpost it in the comments below, and we’ll be happy to answer it for you!!
Here’s our response to another great question we received after our amazing Transformational Tuesday interview with Deborah Deras! This one was sent to us by a single mother who wanted to know what she could do to start dating again.
Single, but not a single mother? There are some tips in here that will help you on your journey, as well!
Not single or a single mother, but know someone who is? Show her how much you care about and want her to have extraordinary love in her life by sharing this video with her!
Being a single mother can be lonely and scary. Those of us who have children know how challenging it can be at times to remember that you’re a woman, aside from being a mother, and that you have the desire to love and be loved beyond the love you give and receive from your children. You want that romantic, passionate love that you’ve always dreamed of.
It can be scary and difficult to open yourself up to the idea of loving again, even without children. However, being a single mother means also managing childcare, having time for yourself, and learning to date again!
In this video, I share the first steps a single mother must take to get ready to date and love again! In Part 2, Michelle will share the steps to take once you actually begin dating again!
Click the image below to view and share these tips!
We believe you deserve to have all of the love and happiness your heart desires!
Watch the video and let us know if there is anything we can do to support you in creating that in your life by sharing your comments and questions below!
This week, I’ve been dealing with a really bad cold, but, as “luck” would have it, the cold provided me with more evidence of the 3 P’s to share with you, because my husband has gone above and beyond this week to do everything in his power to Provide for, Protect, and (wait for it…) Please me!
That’s right! The third “P” most important to a man is that he feels like he is able to Pleaseyou.
Now, this may be difficult for you to believe if you’re either not in a great relationship, or it’s been a while since you’ve felt like a man has gone out of his way to make you happy. But trust me, this one is right up there with the other two P’s as something that is essential to a man.
Why is pleasing you so important to him?
Well, no good man ever wakes up in the morning saying, “I wonder what I can do today to make her absolutely miserable!”
First of all, if you’re miserable, chances are you are making him miserable, too!
Secondly, it really does make a man feel fulfilled and complete to know that he is capable of making you feel happy.
You’ll often here me say:
A man doesn’t just want to see you smiling. He also wants to know that he had something to do with the smile on your face!(Tweet, Tweet that one!)
When a man has the consistent experience that nothing he does is good enough, or that “there’s just no pleasing you,” it makes him want to withdraw and stop trying. He doesn’t want to know that he’s doing anything that is causing you to feel disappointed or unhappy. It simply doesn’t feel “good” or “right” to him to know that he’s contributing to your unhappiness.
So, what are some ways that you can help a man contribute to your happiness?
Stop making what makes you happy a secret!
Let him know what makes you happy. If there are things that you enjoy, like, or prefer, make let him know. If there is something you’d like to eat, an item you’d like to purchase, or a place you’d like to visit, tell him. Now, don’t tell him what to do or how to do it. Just let him know that it’s something that would make you happy. Let him figure out how to make it happen if he chooses to. Don’t make him try to guess or figure out what you want. Instead, set him up to win, because when he wins, you win!
If something he does pleases you, inform your face! In other words: SMILE! Don’t keep your happiness a secret because you feel like you’ll owe him something or you feel like he’ll stop trying. In fact, the very opposite is true. The positive feeling of knowing that he did something to make you smile is like a drug to man. He’s going to want to repeat that feeling – for you and himself – again, so you’ve just increased the chances that he’ll look for other ways to please you.
Show your appreciation. Don’t withhold your appreciation in an effort to seem like what he did is “no big deal.” You know how great it feels when you do something nice for someone and they let you know how much it meant to them. He’s no different. Letting him know that you are both happy and grateful for what he did will go a long way toward creating a wonderful cycle of giving, receiving, and appreciation in your relationship!
A good man will always do what he cans to please you.
If you feel like the man in your life has stopped doing the little things to make you happy, rather than looking outward at what he’s doing (or not doing; or not doing “well enough”) –
Look within and see if you’ve stopped telling him what makes you happy out of fear that you won’t get it.
See if you’ve been acting as if you don’t notice what he’s doing, or if you’ve been complaining that it’s not enough.
Ask yourself if you’ve stopped demonstrating your appreciation for the little things, the big things, and everything in between.
If you’ve been doing any of the above, don’t beat yourself up about it. Instead, make today the day you begin to turn things around by starting to look for and notice the things he is doing – even if it’s something you think he should be doing.
Then smile and let him know that, not only are you happy, but that he had something to do with the smile on your face!
Comments? Questions? Let us know below! We love hearing from you!
This week is a special one in the Heart’s Desire family! Michelle & Arnie celebrated their 4th Wedding Anniversary!
If you see Michelle and Arnie together today, what you’ll witness is true and pure love. They have one of those relationships that just take your breath away and make you believe that dreams really can come true.
What you wouldn’t be able to see at first glance is that their story was very much like many of yours! See, there was a time when Michelle had given up on the idea that she would ever find the man who would help make her dreams come true.
After almost 13 years of a very difficult marriage, she found herself a young, single mother of two pre-teen boys. She had tried “the dating thing” and found that she kept having the same failed relationship – or pseudo-relationship, because they were only relationships in her mind – over and over again.
“I kept dating the same guy, with a different face, and in a different body, but the results were always the same: They were either unavailable, ‘getting separated,’ or had some type of drug or alcohol problem.”
It seems like, no matter what she tried to do, she just couldn’t get it “right.”
She began to lose hope on finding true love and wanted to give up.
Then something shifted.
Michelle’s coach told her something that would change her life forever.
He asked her, “What do all of those guys have in common?”
“They’re men!” she said.
“Besides, biology,” he said, “what’s the one thing they all have in common?”
She paused, not wanting to say it. “Me.”
The only thing every single one of those men and relationships and in common was her.
This is what started Michelle on the inner journey that has led to her experiencing the love of her dreams!
She began doing the inner work to distinguish, dismantle, and replace the fears, doubts and limiting beliefs that had been causing her to repeat dysfunctional and painful patterns so that she could open her heart to experiencing true love.
And, it was thanks to being courageous enough to be willing to do that work that on a Valentine’s Day 9 years ago Michelle went on her first date with Arnie, and began creating her own Lifetime Love Story!
Was it “easy” work? Not always?
Was it always “fun”? No.
But it was the willingness to stop complaining about how unhappy and frustrated she was and to begin transforming herself and her life that lead to her living her dream-come-true!
And allof the steps that she took, the changes that she made, and the inner work that she did are what we’ve included in our Ready to Love Againprogram!
See, as happy as Michelle is in her marriage and I am in mine, we believe with every bit of our hearts that it is every woman’s birthright to have the experience of loving and being lovedbeyond her wildest dreams every single day of her life.
This is why we’ve used our own experiences – our own Love Journeys of heartache, loss, and finding love again – to help women around the world create the life and the love of their dreams!
To celebrate Michelle and Arnie’s fourth anniversary as well as making this the last Valentine’s Day you spend without the love of your dreams, we are giving you a very special opportunity to purchase the Ready to Love Again Home Study Course for almost 50% off the regular price!
That’s how committed we are to you finally breaking through the behaviors, beliefs, and patterns that are keeping you stuck in heartache and loneliness!
Women around the world are experiencing breakthroughs in their lives they never anticipated!
They are attracting great men into their lives!
They are no longer settling for less than they deserve!
And some are planning their weddings!
There is absolutely no reason for you to spend one more Valentine’s Day wishing you finally had the love your heart desires.
Take a step today toward making your dreams come true by allowing us to guide you on your Love Journey.
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