by heartsdesireintl | Oct 23, 2012 | Dating, Gratitude, HDI Blog, Intimacy, Love, Marriage, Relationship, Relationship Advice, Romance
by Gladys Diaz
“The truth you believe and cling to makes you unavailable to hear anything new.”
~ Pema Chodron
In yesterday’s blog post, we looked at how our reasons can stop us from moving forward and creating the life and the love that we want. In addition to our reasons, there are certain thoughts and beliefs that we hold as “the truth” that can completely keep us stuck where we are, repeating patterns of behaviors and experiences, attracting the same type of person into our lives, and creating the false reality that this is the only way things will ever be and happen for us.
How can we shift these beliefs so that we can begin to experience freedom in our lives and relationships to create what we really desire?
Let’s begin by taking a look at ourselves, because this is where everything truly begins, anyway.
If, for example, you have limiting beliefs about yourself – about your worth, the type of love and life you deserve, what you are able to accomplish or experience in your life, or why you “are” the way you “are” – it is difficult for you to hear, accept or believe anything different. Even if you read a great and inspirational self-help book, attend an incredible workshop, or work with an amazing and effective coach, until you commit to letting go of these limiting beliefs, it doesn’t matter what you read or hear. You simply won’t believe it. You aren’t available to hear and accept it.
If you have limiting beliefs about men and relationships, if you are clinging to the belief that men only want sex, that men can’t and don’t want to make a commitment, and that men are cheaters, how in the world can you then be surprised when every man that you attract into your life provides you with more evidence to support that belief you hold as “the truth”? By universal law, what you believe to be true will continue to present itself in your life – no matter how much you wish, hope, or pray for it to be any different.
And, if you’ve loved and been hurt before – due to the fact that the person left, you chose to leave, or because of a death – and you believe that you will never experience love again because there is only one “The One” for each person in the world, then you will continue to take actions that are consistent with that belief. Even if you do go out and date different people, you will always find a reason why he’s not “good enough,” doesn’t “measure up” to your lost love, or how he reminds you too much of the one who broke your heart. Over and over, you’ll experience having a broken heart or never really having the experience of loving and being loved ever again.
Bottom line: In order for there to be a change in your experience of life and love, it’s going to require a mental and emotional “shift” to begin to see things differently.
Sound difficult? It can be. But it doesn’t have to be!
See, that “truth” that you are clinging true is no more and no less “true” than the opposite of that statement. What do I mean? Well, if you believe, for example, that all men want from you is sex, that is no more and no less true than telling yourself that every man you meet is dying to make you his wife! The only difference is that you’ve been telling yourself one thing a lot longer than the other, and you’ve spent a lot of time and energy gathering evidence and convincing yourself that it is true! So, now, what if you begin to see every man as someone who is committed to pleasing and making you smile, and trying his hardest to be the one you will choose to love for the rest of his life? What if that was the truth? What would the experience of dating be like then? Hmmmm…
If the “truth” you’ve been holding onto is that your marriage is beyond repair, that your husband doesn’t want the relationship to work, and that you’re better off alone, then you will likely spend every minute of every day looking for evidence to support this. You’ll see how distant he is. How he seems to not care about anything – especially you. However, what if you choose to believe that the promises you made to each other on your wedding day were not merely “suggestions” or “a wish”? What if you were to begin to look for evidence of all of the ways your husband shows that he does want the relationship to work – even if the way he chooses to do this is by being quiet and distant (because he’d rather do that than constantly be arguing with you, because he loves you)? What if you were to choose to focus your energy on looking for evidence of all the qualities that had you fall in love with him in the first place (because they are still there… only buried beneath a pile of complaints and expectations)? What would the experience of being married and doing whatever you could to shift things around – beginning with yourself? Hmmmm…
The point is that you create your own “truth.” You can choose to believe something different. See, if we’re going to make up what the truth is for ourselves, we may as well make up something that empowers and inspires us, rather than something that fills us with fear, cynicism and resignation, right?
So, here are some steps you can take in order to begin “the shift”:
- Write down all of the things you “already know to be true” about yourself, men, and relationships.
- Next to each statement, write down what it is costing you to continue believing that this is “the truth.”
- Under each statement write a new and empowering affirmation – a new truth – that you can begin to repeatedly tell yourself so that you can begin the process of “rewiring” your brain and believing in what’s truly possible for YOU!
What “truth” have you been holding on to? Are you ready to let it go in order to have the love and life you desire and deserve?
Photo credit: twenty_questions via photopin.com cc
by heartsdesireintl | Oct 22, 2012 | Dating, Gratitude, HDI Blog, Intimacy, Love, Marriage, Relationship, Relationship Advice, Romance
by Gladys Diaz
“The only thing that will stop you from fulfilling your dreams is you.”
~ Tom Bradley
Below is a revised version of a newsletter we sent out last year. The message is so powerful I wanted to make sure it made it into our blog archives!
Do any of these sound familiar to you?
“I can’t seem to meet anyone I’m interested in.”
“I already tried that.”
“I’m too old.”
“I’m too busy.”
“I have kids.”
“I’m not ready.”
It’s too late.
These are examples of some of the “reasons” we hear from women explaining why they feel they need to wait before (or completely avoid) working on creating the relationship of their dreams.
I understand how easy it is to fall into this type of trap. I’m a full-time married mom with her own business, a house to take care of, multiple projects going on at the same time, and family and friends with whom I want to spend time. Sometimes the “I am too busy” reason for not doing the things I’m committed to pops into my head and out of my mouth before I even realize it!
The same can be true when it comes to dating and relationships. It can seem like there’s just not enough time to do the things that can lead us to having the love and life we say we are committed to having and that we want more than anything else. The truth is that chances are pretty high that there will always be a lot of “stuff” – work, family, responsibilities, hobbies – keeping you busy. If you have kids, unless they are close to being adults, you will have them to take care of for a while. If you’re actively involved in the community, chances are that you’ll have projects to complete and events to attend. If you’ve had your heart broken, it’s natural to feel afraid of risking your heart again. I’m not invalidating any of these reasons at all. I am however, inviting you to consider being “UNreasonable”!
What does being “unreasonable” mean? It means moving beyond where you would normally allow your reasons to stop you. It means pushing past the circumstances and doing what needs to be done anyway. It means allowing yourself to feel that familiar pang of fear and taking a leap of faith anyway. It means that you simply do not let your “reasons” stop you from having and experiencing all that you desire and deserve.
When you move beyond your reasons, you create a space – a space where new possibilities and opportunities that were not available to you just a minute ago are now possible! And it is in this space – the space right outside of your comfort zone – that breakthroughs occur and miracles happen!
If you feel like you’ve been “stuck” in any area of your life, and particularly in the areas of dating and relationships, consider that your reasons may be keeping you in that not-so-comfortable “comfort zone.” Consider moving beyond the reason, breaking through it, and seeing what opens up! I guarantee that you will experience yourself and your life in a completely different light!
What “reasons” have been stopping you from having the love and the life your heart desires? Are you ready to move past them and be UNreasonable?
Photo credit: xurde via photopin.com cc
by heartsdesireintl | Oct 21, 2012 | Dating, Gratitude, HDI Blog, Intimacy, Love, Marriage, Relationship, Relationship Advice, Romance
by Gladys Diaz
One of the biggest “Love Myths” I hear a lot is that, after awhile, the romance in a relationship begins to fade. When I think of “fading,” I often think of a flashlight that’s had the same pair of batteries in it for a while. It will still give off some light, but eventually, the light fades completely. Well, thank goodness for rechargeable batteries!
Seriously, romance does not have to “fade.” What it needs is to be kept alive. And that happens by simply being intentional about continuing to demonstrate love, respect, gratitude, and tenderness. It’s making time to connect with and listen to one another. It’s about bringing fun and laughter into our conversations, dancing in the kitchen, and doing the things we enjoy doing together. And, of course, it’s about making time for physical, sensual, and sexual connection, as well. In essence, it’s about making sure that we make keeping our “romance batteries” charged a priority.
Might “romance” look different as the years go by, when kids enter the picture, and as our roles and responsibilities change? Maybe… But remember that “different” can also mean better, more exciting, and even more fun!
What will you do to keep your romance batteries charged this week?
Photo credit: Franchesca Rullan of FCPR Studios
by heartsdesireintl | Oct 20, 2012 | Dating, Gratitude, HDI Blog, Intimacy, Love, Marriage, Relationship, Relationship Advice, Romance, Uncategorized
by Gladys Diaz
Today’s post is short and sweet, but powerful. Before you can freely love and be loved, you must love and accept yourself exactly the way you are and exactly the way you are not. You are the doorway through which love flows!
Is there something you’ve been resisting, rejecting, or resenting about yourself? Bring acceptance to it and see what begins to open up for you!
Photo credit: Jim Blob Blann via photopin.com cc
by heartsdesireintl | Oct 19, 2012 | Dating, Gratitude, HDI Blog, Intimacy, Love, Marriage, Relationship, Relationship Advice, Romance, Uncategorized
by Gladys Diaz
Being heard is so close to being loved that for the average person they are almost indistinguishable.
~ David Augsburger
When people think about “good communication,” they usually think about how effectively they can say or deliver their message. As we saw in a blog posted earlier this week, when we discussed the power of your words, it is important to say what you want to say with love and respect. Listening, however, can be an even more important aspect of communication. The way we listen can actually communicate love more loudly than anything we can say.
If we listen with the intention of figuring out what we are going to say in response to what the other person is saying, we are not being present in the conversation. If we are listening through a preconceived “filter” of how we already see and hear the person who is speaking – filled with judgment, lack of belief, etc. – then we may miss what the person is trying to tell us. And, if we allow ourselves to get “triggered” during the conversation, we can totally miss the “heart message” behind the words being spoken.
Contrarily, if we choose to listen – to truly hear the person, the message, and the possibilities behind what is being shared – even if it’s uncomfortable to hear… even if there’s something we’d like to say about it… even if we’re not sure where the conversation will lead… If we can commit to just listening, we give the person speaking the gift of feeling like he/she is being heard, “gotten,” and loved. And, in this act of listening, we give ourselves a gift, too, because, as we listen, we may discover something new about the person and ourselves, we may finally hear the message we’ve been waiting and hoping to hear, and may just experience the love, intimacy, and connection our hearts desire.
To whom will you give the gift of listening today?
Photo credit: Collin Key via photopin.com cc
by heartsdesireintl | Oct 18, 2012 | Dating, Gratitude, HDI Blog, Intimacy, Love, Marriage, Relationship, Relationship Advice, Romance, Uncategorized
by Gladys Diaz
“Become loving. When you are in the embrace, become the embrace. Become the kiss. Forget yourself so totally that you can say, “I am no more. Only love exists.” Then the heart is not beating, but love is beating. Then the blood is not circulating, but love is circulating. Then eyes are not seeing, love is seeing. Then hands are not moving to touch, love is moving to touch. Become love and enter everlasting life. Love suddenly changes your dimension. You are thrown out of time and you are facing eternity. Love can become a deep meditation, the deepest possible. Lovers have known sometimes what saints have not known.”
~ OSHO
If there is one thing that every person on the planet shares in common, it is that we all want to know what it feels like to love and be loved. Being loved is an intrinsic need, a desire, that is at the core of each and every one of us.
Many times, when things are not going well in a relationship, there can be a tendency to look outside of ourselves – usually at the other person – to explain why things are not working. We see what the other person is doing or not doing, saying or not saying, that is impacting the relationship. And, when we do this, we take ourselves off the hook. We don’t have to take responsibility for the role that we’ve played in things getting to the point that they have. We can hide behind anger and resentment and use that as the excuse for not trying to make things better, and we stop ourselves from being loving because we fear not being loved in return.
In order to experience love, we must choose to BE loving. Rather than looking outside of ourselves for reasons, excuses, and justifications, we can look within to see what we can do to bring love to the relationship. Rather than hoping, wishing and waiting for things to change on their own, we can BE the change in the relationship, and create a space where love is able to show up, be present, fill us and touch those around us.
So, today, in your thoughts, words, actions, and reactions, remember to choose to BE loving.
How will you choose to BE loving today?
Photo credit: rachel_titiriga via photo.pin cc
