by heartsdesireintl | Apr 5, 2013 | Dating, HDI Blog, Intimacy, Love, Marriage, Parenting, Relationship Advice, Romance
by Gladys Diaz
One of the first questions I ask a woman who I’m speaking to for the first time is, “What do you want?”
Typically, if the woman is single, she’ll respond that she wants to be in a relationship.
If she’s already in a relationship or married, she’ll say she wants to have a good relationship with her boyfriend or husband.
Sounds pretty clear, right? Wrong!
Saying that you want to be in a relationship is to general, too broad. Do you want to be in just any relationship? For example, do you want to be in a relationship where you’re always wondering whether or not he really loves you, whether you can trust him, and whether the relationship is going anywhere permanent? Or do you want to be in a relationship where you know every moment of every day that the man you love loves, cherishes, and wants to be with you and only you?
Even saying that you want to have a good relationship isn’t clear enough, either. What does “good” mean, for you? Does it mean simply not fighting? I’ve worked with women who live in a “peaceful” household, simply because she and her husband rarely look at or speak to one another. Plus, why settle for “good,” when you can have “amazing,” “unbelievable,” and “extraordinary” love?
When you think about what you want when it comes to relationships, you need to be crystal-clear. Now, this doesn’t mean that you create a 100-point check system, where the man you’re with has to meet all of the listed criteria. In fact, this has nothing to do with the man! It has to do with what you want to experience in a relationship.
So, how do you get crystal-clear about the experience you want to have in the relationship?
1. Admit you want to be in a loving relationship. This one’s for the single ladies and those who are in a relationship that’s not quite where you’d like it to be right now. Too many women claim that they are “fine” without being in a loving relationship. And they probably are. But, if you’re like me, I want more than just a “fine” life. I want an amazing, extraordinary life that includes the experience of loving and being loved by someone every day of it! Admitting that you want to be loved does not make you weak or any less capable or powerful. It just makes you human! So, go ahead! Admit that you want to be loved, desired, and adored!
2. Create a vision of the experience you want to have in the relationship. It isn’t enough to use words like, “good,” “happy,” or “fun.” What does good, happy, and fun look like, sound like, and feel like? How do you feel when you’re together? What is the visible evidence of your happiness, excitement, and connection? Have fun with this! It’s your vision, your dream, your love story! Go as big and as bold as you want! The great news is that it’s completely yours to create and manifest, so make sure you’re inspired by your vision!
3. Share your vision with others. The relationship of your dreams shouldn’t be the world’s best-kept secret! If you want to begin living that experience you’ve created, tell people about it. Choose 2-3 people who you trust and who will pull for and stand for you to have that. People who love you want to see you happy. Let them know about the happiness you want to experience in a romantic relationship.
This is just the beginning of the type of work we do with our clients. There’s a much deeper process that includes removing the fears, doubts, and limiting beliefs that are standing in the way of you actually believing that this kind of relationship is possible and that it’s possible for you!
If you’re single, and you live in the S. Florida area, then you’re in luck, because we’ll be going deep into this exercise tomorrow, Saturday, April 6th, at the “Attract & Marry the Man Who’s Right for You” 1-Day Workshop. We’ll be removing all of the invisible barriers standing between you and the love you want to experience every day for the rest of your life! We’ll be replacing those fears with empowering beliefs, affirmations, real-life practices, and new and empowering habits that will take you from where you are to the relationship of your dreams!
For more information about the workshop and to register (there are still a few seats left), just click here NOW.
Girlfriends, and wives, don’t worry! Your workshop is coming soon! Make sure to subscribe to receive our newsletter so that you don’t miss out on the workshop that will take your existing relationship from where it is to a whole new level of amazing!
Bottom line: You deserve to experience the love your heart desires, but you’ve got to be crystal-clear about what that is. So, admit you want it, envision it, share it, and soon you’ll be living it!
Here’s to a future filled with breath-taking, amazing and extraordinary love!
Questions? Comments? Let us know below! We love hearing from you!
Image courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net.
by heartsdesireintl | Apr 1, 2013 | Dating, HDI Blog, Intimacy, Love, Marriage, Relationship Advice, Romance
by Gladys Diaz
You want to be in a loving, passionate relationship. You have read books and blogs, attended courses, envisioned, wished, hoped, and prayed for the man of your dreams to walk into your life. You want to share your life – the successes, the pitfalls, and the ordinary moments – with a man who loves and accepts you for who you are.
So what’s standing in your way?
You.
It’s your own fears, your doubts, the thoughts that you try not to pay attention to – the ones that tell you:
“You don’t deserve it. You’re not meant to be in a relationship. It’s too late. You’re too old. You’ve gone through too much. You’re okay on your own.”
It’s the disempowering thoughts that have you feel happy for your friend when she announces that she’s met a great guy or she’s getting married while at the same time make you wonder why it can happen for her, but not for you.
It’s the belief that being in a great relationship has to do with being “lucky” rather than being ready. That it has to do with something
outside of yourself, rather than something
you create and attract into your life.
I’m here to let you know that all of those thoughts, fears, and doubts may feel
real, but they’re
not. They are just your mind’s way of keeping you stuck where you are – alone, disillusioned, and terrified that you’re really not going to ever have the love your heart desires.
See, it feels safer to stay where you are than it does to take a risk and put your heart out there again. It seems easier to say you’d rather be alone than to admit that you’d actually like to share your life.
And it’s much easier to place the blame and responsibility of your current circumstances on the ideas that there aren’t any good men out there, that you’re just not “relationship material,” or that it’s better not to get married because people just end up divorced anyway than to honor your desire to be in a romantic, intimate relationship where you get to experience the joy of loving and being loved every day for the rest of your life.So your mind helps protect you from the possibility of being hurt or disappointed.
The questions you want to ask yourself are:
Just how much longer are you willing to put your happiness and your dreams on hold?
How much longer are you going to choose feeling safe over the joy of feeling loved?
Just how long are you willing to stay where you are?
How much longer are you willing to let your fear control you?
If you’re
tired of being stuck, you’re ready to take a bold and courageous step toward creating the life and relationship of
your dreams, and your answer to these questions is
“Not a minute longer!”then join us tonight, Monday, April 1, 2013, from 8:00 – 10:30 p.m. for a
FREE Orientation Call about the upcoming “Attract and Marry the Man Who’s Right for You” 1-Day Workshop that is taking place this Saturday, April 6th.
On this call you will have the opportunity to hear the testimonials of women who have met their boyfriends and husbands as a result of having participated in the workshop.
We’ll also be talking about what you will discover at the workshop, including how to:
- Stop hunting and start attracting the right man
- Ask men to ask you out so that you’re never without a date
- Become your best self and attract men at your level
- Enjoy the pleasure of being pursued
- Make every date fun
This is
your life,
your love story.
You get to have a say in how goes! And we’re here to support and guide you!
Register here to join us tonight for the FREE Orientation Call tonight and get ready to start creating and living you’re very own happily ever after!
Comments? Questions? Let us know below! We love hearing from you!
by heartsdesireintl | Mar 29, 2013 | Dating, HDI Blog, Intimacy, Love, Marriage, Relationship Advice, Romance
by Gladys Diaz
Some of the most common questions I get from women – whether they are single, in a relationship, or married — begin with the words, “How can I get him to…?”
Usually, the women are asking about how they can get their men to do more: How to convince their husbands to help more around the house, how to get their boyfriends to plan their dates, or their dates to move the relationship to the next level.
In each of these examples, there is something beneath the question that is not only driving the woman to doubt that her man will do these things, but, in many cases, is also driving her to take the reins and do them herself.
So, the frazzled wife will continue to resentfully do all of household chores, care for the children, and pay all of the bills herself. The girlfriend will continue making all of the plans for dates and vacations herself. And the single woman will continue to ask the man she’s dating where he thinks the relationship is headed, hinting that she wants more, and driving herself crazy wondering if he’s ever going to let her know whether he sees a future with her.
The underlying factor in each of these examples is FEAR.
When a woman I’m working with asks me how she can get her husband to help her more around the house and with the children, there is an underlying fear that he won’t and that all of the responsibility of managing the household and caring for the kids will fall on her shoulder. So she begins complaining that he doesn’t help her, nagging him to help her (which only makes him want to help her less), reminding him about what he said he would do, and checking up on him to make sure he’s done it. Eventually, when the waiting gets to be too much, or if she doesn’t want to deal with wondering whether or not something will get done, she just ends up doing what he said he would do herself.
If you ask her why, she’ll tell you that if she doesn’t do something, it just won’t get done. What she doesn’t realize however, is that by doing it all, she’s actually sending the message that she doesn’t need help and perpetuating having to do everything by herself. Even if she doesn’t do something, if she invests a lot of time and energy into reminding, checking up on him, and making sure things get done, she might reason that it’s just easier to do it herself.
Is any of this resonating with you?
Too many times we’re so afraid that something we want won’t happen – at least not in the time frame, manner, and to our standard of satisfaction – that we step in do it ourselves. And while this may ensure that what we want gets done, we need to ask ourselves “At what cost?” If we are sacrificing our peace of mind, our level of joy, and the intimacy in our relationship by continuously nagging, being resentful, and feeling completely exhausted, is it really worth what it’s costing us to do it all ourselves?
If the answer is no – and I’m pretty sure it is – what can we do to get past the fear that is driving us to do everything ourselves?
1. Trust. Trust is one of the most essential elements in any relationship. Prior to being in a relationship we had to depend on ourselves. However, once we begin to create a relationship, we no longer have to be independent and we can move toward being interdependent. As scary as it can be sometimes to trust that someone else will follow through and do what he said he would, by trusting him and then stepping out of his way, we allow him the space to do what he said he’d do while sending the message that we trust in his capabilities.
2. Let Go. Once you choose to trust him to do what he said he would, it’s important to release the urge to control by reminding checking up on, reminding, or “helping” him get it done. When you continuously check up on or remind him of what he said he would do, you’re sending the message that you don’t trust him to follow through, which can make him throw his hands up in the air and prove you right. During these times, remind yourself that he doesn’t need back up. If he does, he’ll ask… but he probably won’t.
3. Focus on YOU. One way to help you avoid checking in and resist the urge to take over is to focus on yourself. Rather than worrying about what he is or isn’t doing, focus on the one and only thing you can control: YOU. Do something you enjoy – read a book, spend time with a girlfriend, take a long bath. The less time you spend reminding, supervising, and taking over, the more time you have to spend doing the things you enjoy. This will have you feeling more peaceful, patient, and fulfilled – all attractive qualities and all ingredients of a happy relationship!
It’s not always easy to trust that the man we love or are interested in is going to do what he said he’d do. When we’re in a relationship, however, learning to trust, let go, and focus on ourselves is critical to creating and nurturing a culture of partnership in a relationship. The less you do, the more you’ll experience the joy and peace that comes with knowing that there is someone else who is ready and able to take care of you – if you’ll allow him to.
I know you are a capable woman. I know that you can do anything you put your mind to. I know that in the past you’ve had to rely on yourself to get things done. I know because I’m just like you! However, I also know that, while we can be independent, self-sufficient, and get things done ourselves, one of the great things about being in an intimate relationship is that we no longer have to!
Comments? Questions? Let us know below! We love hearing from you!
Image courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net.
by heartsdesireintl | Mar 25, 2013 | Dating, HDI Blog, Intimacy, Love, Marriage, Relationship Advice, Romance
by Gladys Diaz
Even if the man you’re dating, committed, or married to is the most wonderful man in the world, chances are that at some point he’ll say or do – or not say or do – something that leaves you feeling hurt. Many times, when we’re hurt, the initial response is to strike back. However, if what we want is to create intimacy in our relationships, it helps choose how we will respond when our feelings have been hurt.
Perhaps what has you feeling hurt is something the man you are dating or in a relationship with didn’t do. Maybe he didn’t invite you to go the company holiday party. Maybe he didn’t call when he said he would. Or perhaps you feel that he didn’t say, do, or wear the right thing when he attended the family wedding with you.
Many times, that feeling of hurt is a result of an unmet expectation. There was a certain way you expected him to be, something you expected him to do or say and he didn’t. Unfortunately, as the saying goes, “Expectations are the recipe for disappointment.” If you think about it – really think about it – what has you disappointed is not so much what he didn’t do, it’s that he didn’t do what you expected him to do.
Maybe what has you feeling hurt is something he said. Perhaps he made a joke at your expense, was critical of something you said or did, or spoke to you in a harsh tone. It’s a very natural reaction to want to say something that hurts at least as much as what he said in return, or, at the very least, to demand that he apologize for what he just said.
Or, what if what has you feeling hurt is the fact that he’s no longer making an effort to see or call you the way he did. Or, if he’s your boyfriend or husband, you may feel like he’s spending a lot of time at work, with his buddies, or immersed in a hobby, leaving very little time for the two of you to spend together.
Any one of these situations could leave a woman feeling hurt. The question is, how can we express how we are feeling when we are hurt in a way that nurtures, rather than breaks down, the intimacy in the relationship?
1. Check your expectations at the door. If the reason you are hurt is due to something he didn’t do or say, it may very well be that you are dealing with an unmet expectation. Rather than tell him, “I felt hurt when you didn’t invite me to the company party” or “I was hurt when you went to your friend’s wedding without me,” it would be wise to check the intention behind the words you want to say before you actually speak them. In these two examples, the truth is that you expected him to do those things. When he didn’t, you were left feeling disappointed. If you tell him that what he didn’t do, at best, you’ll get a half-hearted apology (because, although he’s apologizing, he really didn’t do anything wrong. He simply didn’t do what you thought was “right.”) At worst, he’ll feel like you are telling him what he should do, and men simply don’t being controlled, nor do they want to be “mothered,” so you may find that you actually end up pushing him away. So, rather than try to manipulate him into either feeling guilty or doing what you want him to do, just realize that this was an instance of unmet expectations and let go of the need to say something.
2. Refrain from striking back. It’s an almost-knee-jerk reaction to defend ourselves when someone says something that is hurtful. We don’t like feeling like we’ve been criticized or sucker-punched by someone else’s words. The problem is that this kind of response is likely to lead to an argument, and, whether you just started dating someone or you’ve been together for years, arguments rarely ever lead to anyone actually winning. More often than not, things are said that we regret and then have to apologize for later, and, meanwhile, the intimacy and connection we want is being chipped away with a verbal ice pick. In these situations, it’s better to not say something simple, like “Ouch,” or say nothing at all. When you do this, what lingers in the room is the last thing he said, which means he has to be at the impact of the words he chose to say to the woman he cares about or loves. When that’s all that’s replaying in the space, he’s more likely to apologize for his words. And because you chose to maintain your own dignity, there won’t be anything you’ll need to apologize for!
3. Choose to be vulnerable. When we feel like the man we love is pulling away or spending less time with us, it’s natural to feel afraid and insecure. At our core, all of us are afraid of being unloved or abandoned. That fear can lead us to try to get him to come closer again. However, when we complain to him that he’s not spending enough time with us or that he’s making other things more important than the relationship, we can inadvertently push him further away. Rather than respond in anger or by complaining about behavior we wish he would change, we can choose to express ourselves in a more vulnerable way by saying, “I miss you.” These words communicate what we’re actually feeling, rather than what we want or expect him to do, which is more likely to spark in him his natural tendency to want to please and protect you from feeling hurt. As frightening as a vulnerable response can be, it’s always more attractive than nagging – which rarely, if ever, inspires a man to do anything differently.
Now, does all of this mean that we never share how we are feeling? Of course not! It’s important that we are able to express our feelings clearly and purely. However, unless we’re truthful about our intentions before we share our feelings, we’ll almost always be responding in a controlling and manipulative way by trying to get him to change his behavior.
When we can simply share our feelings by saying things like “I feel sad,” “I feel worried,” or “I feel afraid,” without adding the words “because you…” or “when you didn’t/did…” then we can be sure that we’re expressing our feelings purely – without expectations, attachments, or complaints. Then, and only then, does he have the freedom to choose how he will respond because he wants to and not because he feels that he has to. And isn’t that what we wanted in the first place?
Want to learn more about how to express your feelings purely and without expectations or attachments? Then join us on Tuesday, March 25th for our Relationship Coaching Calls, offered by Heart’s Desire International and Laura Doyle. We have separate calls for single ladies and those who are girlfriends and wives. Each bi-weekly call focuses on a different relationship and intimacy skill that will lead to you experiencing the relationship your heart desires!
Comments? Questions? Let us know below! We love hearing from you!
Image courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net
by heartsdesireintl | Mar 21, 2013 | Dating, HDI Blog, Intimacy, Love, Marriage, Relationship Advice, Romance
by Gladys Diaz
How to Be a More “Datable Me”
On my previous blog post, I shared how you can become more datable – whether you are single or already married or in a relationship – by being present, open, and light-hearted. Today, I’m sharing 3 more ways you can make dating a more fun and fulfilling experience that can lead to having the loving relationship your heart truly desires.
1. Be gracious and grateful. No matter how confident a man may seem, it takes courage to go up to or call a woman and ask her out on a date, plan an experience that will make her consider going out with you again, and risk rejection by asking her out on another date. When a man takes you out on a date, you don’t “owe him” anything. However, it’s easy to think that we do, because he’s spending money on us. Rather than worry about what he may want in return (because, usually, any strings that are attached are attached by us, not them), just receive his time, attention, gifts and compliments with grace and gratitude. Thank him – not just at the end of the date, but any time during the date that you notice something that is pleasing to you. This sends him the message that he’s doing a good job, that you’re pleased, and that it’s probably safe to ask you out again!
2. Be yourself. Another thing that can make dating seem difficult and exhausting is the amount of time and energy we spend trying to impress the man we’re with. It’s almost as if we’re auditioning or interviewing for a job. So much energy is going into trying to get him to like us that we don’t give him a chance to see who we truly are. Just be your authentic self – that’s who you want him to fall in love with anyway, right?
3. Be willing to reach out for support. I don’t know why people feel weird about asking for help when it comes to dating and relationships. People are willing to go to read books, take courses, and speak to experts in the fields they’ve selected for their careers and businesses, but think there is something wrong about reaching out to someone who is knowledgeable in the area of dating to get support and learn the skills that will lead to having the life and love their hearts yearn for. Anything we consider a priority in life is worth investing time and money into. It all comes down to how great our desire is and how committed we are to making it a reality.
If you’d like to learn even more ways to become a more datable you and to begin experiencing the life and love your heart desires, you’ll want to join us for our Free Orientation Meeting about the “Attract and Marry the Man Who’s Right for You” 1-Day Workshop this Saturday, March 23rd, at PAX Miami. The event, as I mentioned is FREE, and you will be able to experience some of the exercises and conversations we’ll be doing during the 1-Day Workshop we’re having on April 6th. We’re also going to be offering an incredible discount to the people who attend the Orientation Meeting. To learn more and register for this FREE event, click here.
Dating is the access to meeting the man who will have the honor of loving you in return. It’s up to you to make that process as fun, fulfilling, and empowering as possible for YOU! Don’t delay your happiness one minute longer! Your life is a result of the choices you make! Choose to make being in a loving, intimate, happy relationship a priority NOW!
Questions? Comments? Let us know below. We love hearing from you!
Image courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net
by heartsdesireintl | Mar 18, 2013 | Dating, HDI Blog, Intimacy, Love, Marriage, Relationship Advice, Romance
by Gladys Diaz
I was honored when I was invited to speak at the Jazz in the Gardens Women’s Impact Conference and Luncheon on March 15, 2013. Just the name “Women’s Impact Conference” was enough to make me want to be part of the event. Add to that the name of my topic – “Datable Me” – and I was hooked!
During the session, I chose to focus on, not so much dating tips (although I did include some of those), but on who we are as women, and how we can step into our feminine power and make every date a fun and new opportunity to discover something about the man we are on a date with and ourselves. I talked about how, by simply choosing to shift our perspective, from viewing dating (and relationships) as “hard,” “difficult,” and “exhausting,” to fun and exciting, we can create each date as an opportunity to experience new possibilities and be pleasantly surprised each and every time.
By the way, this is a topic of interest for women who are married and in committed relationships, too. One of the most common questions I get is: What can I do to keep the love alive, even after we’ve been together or married a while?”
The answer: Plan on dating him for the rest of your life!
So, what are some of the ways that we can be more “datable” and have dating become something we experience as fun and new?
1. Be open. Be open to the endless possibilities that are available to you. Rather than going on a date already knowing that the guy is not right for you, that you’re probably not going to have a good time, or that you’ll probably be disappointed, choose to open your mind – and heart – up to the possibilities that are waiting for you. Be open to the idea that the man who will help create and share the relationship you dream of may not look like you think he will, may not drive the type of car you think he should, and may not have the type of job you’d like him to have. And be open to learning and experiencing new things, considering new ideas, and the possibility that you might actually have a great time on the date!
2. Be present. One of the things that can make dating (and relationships) so exhausting, is that many of us are rarely ever on the actual date. We’re either rewinding to the past, making sure we avoid something that happened or trying recreate something we liked, or we’re fast-forwarding into the future, thinking about what we should wear when we go out again, whether or not he’s going to introduce us to his friends, and if he’ll take us with him on that vacation he’s planning this summer (never mind that he hasn’t even asked us out on another date!). Add to that the temptation to fill the space with nervous chatter, rarely giving him a chance to think or speak if there’s anything longer than a two-second pause, and yes, after a couple of hours, we’re going to be exhausted! The key to knowing whether or not you even want to go out on another date with him is to be present – actually be on the date – and check in with yourself to see whether or not he’s someone you’d like to go out with again and get to know better.
3. Be light-hearted. Most great romances started out with a really fun first date. Try not to take dating – or yourself – so seriously. One of the things that has dating occur as hard or exhausting is that we come into it so seriously and making everything he says or does mean that he might hurt us, is not ready to commit, or is wasting our time. Instead of being so heavy and significant, when you’re having a good time on a date, inform your face! Let him know you’re enjoying his company, the meal, his sense of humor, or the activity you’re doing together. If a guy isn’t sure about whether or not you had a good time, he’s probably not going to risk rejection by asking you out on another date.
These are just some of the ways we can become more datable. I’ll share some in my next blog post.
If you’d like to learn even more and you live in the South Florida Area, you’ll want to join us for our Free Orientation Meeting about the “Attract and Marry the Man Who’s Right for You” 1-Day Workshop. The event, as I mentioned is FREE, and you will be able to experience some of the exercises and conversations we’ll be doing during the 1-Day Workshop. We’re also going to be offering an incredible discount to the people who attend and register for the workshop at the Orientation Meeting. To learn more and register for this FREE event, click here.
You deserve to experience the joy of loving and being loved for the rest of your life – as a woman, it’s your birthright! Dating is the access to meeting the man who will have the honor of loving you in return. It’s up to you to make that process as fun, fulfilling, and empowering as possible for YOU!
Questions? Comments? Let us know below. We love hearing from you!
Image courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net
