by Gladys Diaz
How deep is your connection with the people you’re in relationship with?
Do you feel like you can be open, intimate and close with others, or do you feel like your relationships are superficial and shallow?
As human beings, we long for connection with other people, but not just any connection. We crave deep intimacy. Relationships where we can speak freely and share our souls.
The thing is, the depth you’ll be able to go with someone else can only be as deep as the depth you’re able to go with yourself.
If you’re able to connect with yourself on a deep level, you’ll be able to connect deeply with others and create the fulfilling, connected, deep relationship you desire.
So what if you can’t? What if you feel stuck in a pattern that’s not working?
A client of ours was feeling frustrated because, for the third time in a row she’d created a committed relationship with a man, only to then find out something about his character that she wasn’t okay with.
She was frustrated because she was wondering why she wasn’t seeing the things she needed to see in a man before allowing herself to fall in love and become attached to him.
She wanted to heal whatever was underneath this pattern so she could 1) stop having to deal with the heartbreak of walking away from men she loved who weren’t what she wanted, and 2) so she could finally create a deep relationship with the right man.
She was experiencing this because there was something within her that needed healing and she was attracting that in those she was dating.
So how do you heal what’s getting in the way of the love you want?
First, you must get some insight. Look into your experience of you.
Now is the time to get real with yourself. Answer these questions, honestly:
Are your actions out of alignment with your beliefs and values?
Do you have a hard time setting healthy boundaries?
Do you waver on your word or struggle having integrity with what you say?
Do you avoid certain people, situations or conversations?
Do you try to change who you are to appease others?
Do you have a hard time trusting others?
Do you walk around in a state of protection? Always feeling that you’re unsafe?
Do you push people away before they can get close?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, you most likely are disconnected in some area of your life, which will cause you to feel disconnected in areas of your relationships.
Look closely at your answers.
Why do you behave the way you do? Where does it come from?
If you’re in a relationship with someone right now and it feels like something is missing, look at it. Where is the connection missing? Get curious about it.
Open up in new ways to your partner. Look at what’s missing where you are and see what you can do to transform that barrier within yourself that will inspire change in the relationship.
Once you’ve looked inward and seen where the breakdown is coming, from then you can heal it.
You don’t overcome barriers. You heal them.
You get to the source of where they came from — the moment you decided you couldn’t trust yourself, or whatever it is for you — and you do the Heartwork to heal it.
Now hear this: You are not broken. Your heart may be broken, but you are not.
There may be a piece of you that is broken off, and that’s what you want to heal.
Doing the Heartwork is about healing and bringing that piece back.
Would you like support in healing the wounds you have?
Do you want to restore trust in yourself and others, have faith in love, let go of fears from the past and step into the relationship you desire – with yourself and others?
If so, we’d love to talk to you! Sometimes it takes someone else’s insight to see where we;re blocked, and to learn how to do the work to heal it.
When you heal, then you can be brave in life and love, because you’re open and ready to connect deeply and authentically within yourself and with others in relationship.