by Gladys Diaz
Last Sunday, my husband and I celebrated our 13th Wedding Anniversary! To celebrate, he whisked me away for a long weekend at the beach. I have to say that I was like an expectant bride all week long. The idea of having four whole days away, just the two of us, was so exciting! I had butterflies in my stomach, could barely concentrate, and kept imagining what four days of no schedules and interruptions would look like!
Now, don’t get me wrong. I love our boys, I love being a mom, and I love the time we spend together as a family. I also love seeing my husband with the boys, because he’s such a great dad. But, I also want to have time to spend with my husband. I like the idea of being a couple.
Having those days together, walking on the boardwalk, sitting on the shore and listening to the sound of the waves, sharing a romantic meal, making out and making love whenever we wanted – it was like we used to be in the beginning, where everything was new and it was like we were the only 2 people in the world! I learned things about my husband that I never knew in our 14 years together. It was exciting to know that there is still so much to discover about one another!
As mothers, we have a responsibility to our kids, but we’re also women who are wives and lovers. And, while we may not be able to go away with our husbands every weekend, there are ways that we can continue making “we time” a priority.
1. Have regular date nights. Whether it’s once a week or twice a month, make time to spend time alone together, free of distractions and interruptions. Actually designate and schedule the days or nights when you’ll make time to have a date. To make it fun, take turns planning the dates. Some couples even make a game of trying to out-do one another. But, if doing that becomes stressful and not fun, forget about it and read the next tip! The idea is to enjoy the time you’re spending with each other.
2. Keep it simple. If budget is an issue and you can’t afford to get baby sitters and go out often, have a date night in. After putting the kids to bed, make or order in a nice dinner, or share a special desert. Turn off the TV and smart phones, and just be with one another. Play a board game (be creative about how to make it romantic!), build a puzzle together, or do something else that allows you time to talk and connect. And remember to smile and flirt with him! He still likes that!
3. Make it about the two of you. We all live busy lives, so it may be tempting to start talking about bills, the kids, and household decisions that need to be made when we finally get some uninterrupted time together. However, this is also a great time to really connect with one another. Talk about your goals and dreams. Take time to express how grateful you are to have him in your life and give yourself permission to be mushy!
4. Let go of expectations. You may have a certain picture in your mind about what a “perfect romantic date” should be. If you husband plans something that’s not as exciting or romantic as you would have liked, don’t allow your unmet expectations to cheat you out of enjoying your time together. Just receive his time and attention and appreciate the time you have together. You can always plan something different when it’s your turn to plan the date.
5. Stay present. It’s easy to let our minds wander off when we’re not focused on being present. If you find your mind wandering off, take a nice deep breath, allow yourself to see, hear, and feel where you are and what is around you, and bring yourself back to the present. Sometimes, I actually tell myself, “Where am I? I’m in a restaurant. I’m having a great glass of wine. I hear the soft music in the background. I’m sitting across from the man I love!” This helps me to bring myself back to where I really want to be!
6. Get physical. Whether it’s holding hands, making out, or making one of those board games interesting by coming up with your own sexy rules (wink, wink), make time physical touch. Hugging, touching, kissing, and making love are an important part of marriage. It’s what makes a romantic relationship different from a friendship. So definitely make physical touch a part of your “we time” experience.
If the physical side of your relationship has begun to fizzle or one of you is struggling with making physical intimacy part of the relationship again, keep it fun and light. There are card and board games, coupons, and rolling die that include playful activities that are fun and don’t necessarily involve having intercourse. Focus on other types of touch that may feel more comfortable at first, like hand-holding or a back rub. The important thing is to not have the expectation of having sex seem like an obligation for either one of you. The more you begin to connect, the more likely it is that the other types of intimacy will begin to resurface.
Being parents is part of our relationship as husband and wife, but, before there were kids, there was a couple that loved and couldn’t wait to spend time with one another. Being intentional about having “we time” can help us keep the love, laughter, and romance alive in our relationships, which will make us happier parents, too!
Comments? Questions? Let us know below! We love hearing from you!
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I love this reminder! Very useful and necessary in any relationship!
Thank you, Karie!
That was always a tough thing to do when I was married and had children as my husband never thought it was important. Might be why we aren’t still married. No, more to it then that but I do agree that one must make it a priority, especially when you have children. You must set an example for your kids that your marriage comes first and they come second. It helps define what a healthy relationship looks like.
Thanks for your comments, Diane. We really do set the example for our kids. I belied one of the best gifts we can give our children is the peace and happiness that comes with us feeling happy ourselves. Our kids were sad that we were going away for 4 days, but we told them that Mama & Dada needed “mushy time” together, and they smiled. 😉