by heartsdesireintl | Oct 15, 2012 | Dating, Gratitude, HDI Blog, Intimacy, Love, Marriage, Relationship, Relationship Advice, Romance
by Gladys Diaz
This past weekend, Michelle and I celebrated our 42nd Birthday (for those of you who didn’t know, we are twins!). When it comes to birthdays, I love to make a big deal. When my husband or one of my boys has a birthday, I make that whole week Birthday Week,” and that person gets to feel special all week through small surprises, getting away with a little more than usual, and being served Birthday Pancakes on the big day (one for each year). It’s my way of making the guys I love feel special. And I get that it’s my way – the way I like to express my love through small gifts and acts of kindness.
My husband is not really into details like that. He always shows me that he loves me, but expresses his love through physical touch and spending time together. In the past, I have to admit that I would build up this “birthday surprise” in my head and then go about planning things to make it happen, because I didn’t want to be disappointed if he hadn’t planned something special for me. On a few occasions, I was upset that he was asking me on the day of my birthday what it was I wanted to do. And, back in my pouty, bratty, controlling days, we ended up not doing much of anything, because I was more concerned with being right than being happy… even on my birthday!
Well, this Birthday Week I was too sick to really plan anything… And the most amazing thing happened! First, my husband planned a night of dinner and dancing with my sister and her husband. That plan fell through, due to my illness, but it was soooo awesome that he came up with what would have been my perfect idea for a birthday celebration with my best friends! When he saw how sad I was about not being able to go out with them, he said, “We can still do something fun, just the two of us.” He asked me what I wanted to do, and we ended up going to a dine-in theater where we had a spectacular dinner while watching a movie in reclining sofa-style seats, with an ottoman on which to prop up our feet! I loved it!
Before I left to go pick up my mom so that she could watch the boys, I noticed my little one was dressed, and not in his pajamas. When I asked him, he said, “Well, I thought we were going with Dada to the ssss—.” Busted! Poor thing, he was trying to keep the secret that my husband had planned to take them out to the store to get me a present while I picked up my mom! Another surprise! The boys ended up picking out some beautiful bangle bracelets in my favorite color (purple), and my husband picked out the sweetest birthday card, in which he wrote me a message, thanking me for being the best mom, wife, and best friend. They also bought me some yummy cookies-and-cream chocolate mousse cupcakes (can’t wait to have my left-over one tonight!).
On my actual birthday, I went thrift store shopping (one of my favorite things to do), and I scored a beautiful new BCBG dress that will be my favorite for a long time, as well as some other great finds (mostly purple!). Not once did my husband call to tell me we were going to be late for the movies (his pet peeve) if I didn’t hurry up. He just sent me one text about ½ an hour before we had to leave to ask me my status. So, I got to shop in peace (another surprise!). We took the boys to see a really funny movie, then went to order some crabs to be steamed (my birthday, my choice!) and he bought me some cute purple-and-black sneakers that we just happened to walk by at the store (yet another surprise). We had our yummy crab dinner and then snuggled on the couch until late, watching some of our favorite shows.
As I lay down last night, I thanked God for all of the sweet surprises I had received on this Birthday Weekend. And it wasn’t really about the gifts. It was the fact that my hubby had gone out of his way to make sure that I felt special on my Birthday. He did all of the little things that make me smile, jump up and down with delight, and make me feel loved. I didn’t ask him to. I didn’t expect it. Instead, I gave myself the gift of allowing myself to be pleasantly surprised. And it was so much sweeter that way!
I must have thanked my husband at least a hundred times this weekend… But, you know what… When I finish typing this blog post, I’m going to send him a thank-you text, just because I’m still smiling!
Do you and your husband or boyfriend have different ways of expressing your love? Do you resent or try to get him to change his ways to match, or do you allow yourself to be pleasantly surprised?
by heartsdesireintl | Oct 13, 2012 | Dating, HDI Blog, Intimacy, Love, Marriage, Relationship, Relationship Advice, Romance
by Gladys Diaz
Today I’d like to share this video about the difference that surrendering can make in your life and your relationships! I am thankful to best-selling author, Laura Doyle, for the love and wisdom shared in her books, The Surrendered Single and The Surrendered Wife and for the difference that she is making in the lives of women around the world!
You’ll see my testimonial in the second-to-the-last clip, and my twin sister and business partner, Michelle Roza, in the final clip.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=bMRPyj3KhmE
by heartsdesireintl | Oct 9, 2012 | Dating, Gratitude, HDI Blog, Intimacy, Love, Marriage, Relationship, Relationship Advice, Romance
by Gladys Diaz
“Feeling gratitude and note expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it.”
~ William Arthur Ward
One of the first exercises I give women who I coach is to find 3 reasons to thank their spouse or boyfriend every day for a week. If they are single, then they are to express gratitude at least 3 times per day. Sometimes, particularly with women who are struggling in their marriages, you would think that I was asking them to pull out their own wisdom tooth!
“Three thank-you’s a day? I can’t even think of one!”
To which I answer, “Great! Then create three opportunities per day!” (Insert wicked smile.)
Why do I ask a woman who is experiencing trouble with her husband to thank him? Am I “taking his side” or asking her to ignore the issues they are experiencing? No. I’m simply trying to help her change her focus…To shine the spotlight on what is working…Helping her see the little things that sometimes get clouded out by complaints, unmet expectations, and fear.
Usually, something miraculous happens! At the end of the week, when we have our next session, rather than wanting to spend the time telling me about all of the things he isn’t doing right (or not well enough), she can’t wait to tell me about all of the things she noticed! The “new things” he started doing (some of them aren’t new at all – she just sees them now!), and how she is beginning to see and feel “a shift” in the relationship. All of a sudden, there is hope. And where there is hope, anything is possible!
Gratitude has the power to transform our perception of people, situations, and things. If you bring gratitude to your relationship, you begin to experience that, while, yes, there may still be some things we need to work on, there are also things that are working. And, in the space of appreciation we can begin love and honor one another again, which can serve to inspire us to make the changes we each need to make.
If you’re in a relationship, what are three things for which you grateful to your boyfriend/spouse. If you’re not in a relationship yet, what are 3 things for which you are thankful.
Questions? Comments? We love to hear from you!
Photo credit: Incognita No de Plume via photopin.com cc
by heartsdesireintl | Sep 25, 2012 | Dating, HDI Blog, Love, Marriage, Relationship, Relationship Advice, Romance
This past weekend I had the opportunity to attend the Hispana Leadership Summit in Miami, FL. I was invited to attend by one of my client-friends, and, after overcoming several hurdles regarding childcare, transportation home from school for my children, and hunting for a white outfit after Labor Day, I was finally able to send in my RSVP that I would attend!
I left on Friday morning with the intention of learning how to hone my leadership skills, gathering information useful to growing my business, and having the opportunity to network with other successful and professional Latina women. And, while I was able to do all of that, I was also pleasantly surprised by the unexpected benefits of having attended the summit and how they relate to having a loving, intimate relationship!
I have to admit, I love attending events and meetings that are focused on empowering women. I’ve found, however, that many of the meetings and conferences aimed at women professionals are solely focused on the sales/marketing, how-to-get-ahead aspects of running your own business or growing in your career. Now, of course, there’s nothing wrong with that. We all want to excel in our careers, and we all want to make a good living that allows us to have the lifestyle we desire and deserve. But, often, the information shared in these types of meetings tend to address our more “masculine” side, and does not always allow for recognizing or celebrating the aspects about us women that make us different from our male counterparts: namely, our feminine nature.
Having the opportunity to learn leadership skills and practices that will help me grow my business was the reason I attended. And the content presented by outstanding speakers and panelists was top-notch! However, I was pleasantly surprised by the fact that almost every single one of the women who was on stage at some point mentioned her husband or boyfriend, her children and family, and the importance of the roles that we women play in those areas of our lives. Women shared how the support of the men in their lives served to encourage and empower them to take the steps they needed to move ahead. One woman shared how she had to “fire” her husband from her organization, because she didn’t want him to be her “employee.” What she wanted more than anything was to have him be her husband, and to be able to come home and just be herself with him. Another woman shared how her husband’s leadership skills were completely opposite, and, yet, complimentary to hers, making them the perfect team! Several women shared the delicate balance many of us have to find in order to be there for our children and not feel guilty when it comes to doing what we love in our careers. And, more than anything, these women – powerhouses in their own right – were vulnerable and “real,” sharing their journeys – the ups and downs, the choices and mistakes, and the unexpected rewards and heartaches.
One of my favorite parts of the summit was the party on Friday night. Picture this: About a hundred successful women, beautifully made up, all dressed in white, dancing to salsa, merengue, bachata, and pop music. We made conga lines, did soul trains, and made circles so that we could each strut our stuff on the dance floor. We laughed, celebrated, and danced the night away. There was a feeling of sisterhood, connection, and love in the room, and, to me, that was probably the most surprising part of it all: That feeling of connectedness and affinity for women – some who I had met previously, and others who were complete strangers. I can attribute it to nothing more than the feminine power that was present throughout the weekend.
So, what does this have to do with having a healthy, happy, loving relationship?
For one thing, it’s important that we recognize, honor, and celebrate our feminine nature – those aspects of ourselves that are unique to being a woman: the vulnerability, strength, and ability to connect heart-to-heart with another woman, simply because it is the nature of who we are! Another important factor is the feeling of sisterhood that comes when we surround ourselves with other women who encourage, support, and help us strive to become the best version of ourselves. Being around other women helps strengthen our feminine nature. This is why maintaining strong friendships with other women – particularly those who are pulling for you to have a happy, loving relationship – is so vital! And, of course, we can not underestimate the importance of practicing self-care, having fun and doing things that are pleasurable and help us feel happy, peaceful and free to be who we are! Participating in activities that bring us pleasure raises levels of oxytocin and endorphins in our bodies, elevating feelings of peace, joy, and connection – all essential elements for creating a great relationship!
Several times during the weekend, and, especially, during the testimonials shared at the end of the conference, there were moments where tears were shed as people shared themselves openly and authentically. And, you know what? No one thought there was anything “wrong” or strange about it, because, being vulnerable is okay when you’re around other women. They said at the end of the conference that word describing this conference was “reassured,” meaning that all of us left feeling reassured that we were on “the right path.” I left reassured of something else, as well. Not only did I leave feeling inspired and invigorated, ready to make a difference, and proud to be a woman and a Latina, but I left reassured in knowing that we women really CAN have it ALL! We don’t have to sacrifice our careers to experience true love. Nor do we have to sacrifice love in order to achieve our dreams, do what we feel we are called to do, and make the difference we were created to make!
I am grateful to my friend for inviting me to attend the conference, to all of the women with whom I had the opportunity to speak, laugh, and share, and to everyone who made it possible for me to attend – a fellow school mom who drove my kids home, my mother who stayed over two nights so that I could leave early and come back late, and my amazing and supportive husband, who, after I went on and on for about an hour about everything that I experienced and learned at the conference, smiled, hugged me, and said, “I’m so glad you were able to go, Babe! You’re baaaack!” And, I do feel like myself again – my amazing, successful, loving, feminine Self!
Do you have comments or questions regarding this topic? Please feel free to share with us! We love hearing from you!
Hispana Leadership Summit photo credit: http://on.fb.me/ReXv91
by heartsdesireintl | Sep 11, 2012 | Dating, HDI Blog, Love, Marriage, Relationship, Relationship Advice, Romance
There are days when I am so present to how blessed I am to be married to an incredible man, have two wonderful children, live in a beautiful home, and be happy and healthy. And then there are days where all I do is complain, worry, and live from a space of “it’s not enough.” I could chalk it up to “just being human,” but, to be honest, when I’m in that space of focusing on what I don’t have or want, rather than being grateful for what I do have, I’m really difficult to be around. In fact, there are days when I get on my own nerves! So, you can imagine what it’s like for my husband!
I’ve found that, when I’m not focusing on being grateful, I tend to see and hear every little thing my husband does that gets on my nerves as if there were a high-def magnifying glass and surround sound system enhancing it! Instead of being grateful that I don’t have to do the dishes, I’ll notice that he didn’t rinse the mesh strainer at the bottom of the sink. Instead of expressing gratitude for him making the kids’ lunches, I’ll notice that there are bread crumbs all over the counter. And – never mind that every single morning, there is a cup of coffee prepared exactly how I like it waiting for me in the microwave – I’ll notice how the counter top is cluttered with mail.
Don’t get me wrong, I am NOT a clean freak, but this is where my mind goes when I don’t choose to generate a feeling of gratitude. And, believe me, it’s not pretty!
Many times, in our relationships, we forget to notice and feel grateful for all of the sweet gestures and daily actions our partners take – the little things that make a difference. And, sometimes, even if we do say thank you, if we follow it with a “but next time…” or correct what’s been done, we can send the message that we are difficult to please. This can actually cause our dates, husbands, or boyfriends to stop trying. In fact, if one of your complaints is that your guy is no longer “romantic” or that he doesn’t step up to help you, you may want to take a look at whether or not you are letting him know that you appreciate him and his efforts.
I have seen the transformational power of gratitude in my own marriage. For years I joked that I was “a single married mother,” because I felt that I had to do everything myself. When I began expressing gratitude on a daily basis, something wonderful began to happen. The man who I felt did not appreciate me and was taking me for granted began asking me what he could do to help! He began taking initiative and offering to do things for me before I asked. I began to experience a wonderful partnership in parenting and life, in general!
Does this mean I always remember to express my gratitude? Well, if you remember the beginning of this post, you already know the answer. However, when I begin to get that feeling of getting on my own nerves, of being critical and ungrateful, or when I begin to feel anxious or worried, I ask myself, “Okay. What’s missing?” Almost immediately, I will see that what is missing is gratitude. Then I make it a point to begin listing – either orally, in my mind, or in my gratitude journal – all of the things for which I am grateful. And, as I do this, I can feel the shift taking place, the anxiety losing its grip on me, and I am filled with an indescribable sense of peace. Usually, this will do the trick. On tough days, I may need to do this more often!
And in my relationship, I do the same thing. When I begin noticing that I’m being nitpicky or getting irritated, I ask myself “Okay. What’s missing?” and, when I realize that what’s missing is gratitude, I will begin making it a point to notice all the things my husband has done or is doing to let me know that he loves me, the things he does to care for and provide for us, and the things about him that I absolutely adore! Again, when I do this, I begin to experience an immediate shift and can feel the gratitude bubbling up inside me! It truly is miraculous!
Whether you are dating or in a relationship, I invite you to look for 3 things to express gratitude for to your guy every day. If the little voice in your head just yelled “Three things? I don’t know if I’ll be able to find one!” consider that you may not be shining the spotlight on what he is doing, because you’re focusing on what he’s not. Switch your focus to noticing the things he does to help or contribute to you – even if it’s something you think he “should” be doing anyway (working, taking out the trash, bringing in the mail, etc.). If you’re on a date, rather than noticing that he was five minutes late or that he slurps his soup, notice how he opens the door or holds out the chair for you, how he checks in during the evening to see if you’re having a good time, and how he offers to pay the check.
By turning your focus onto the things you for which you are grateful, you will begin to experience a sense of fulfillment and peace. You’ll begin to notice your blessings in high-def and surround sound. In other words, you’ll begin to experience the transformational power of gratitude!
Today’s Thought:
Gratitude can transform common days into thanksgivings, turn routine jobs into joy, and change ordinary opportunities into blessings.
~William Arthur Ward
Gratitude photo credit: Kate Wares via photopin.com cc
