This week I had the privilege of attending the Women’s Success Summit, one of my favorite professional events, because I get to learn great information for my business while having fun and being surrounded by good friends, other female entrepreneurs, and some amazing speakers! I also loved spending time with some of you, too!
Before leaving for the conference, I left all of the meals for the week prepared for my husband and the boys so that they’d have ready-to-go healthy meals and I wouldn’t have to plan or cook meals for the rest of the week (Yay! Cooking is something I do not enjoy at all!). Since my hubby was going to be flying solo for two full days, it was my way of saying, “Thank you, honey, for supporting and helping make my dreams come true by helping women around the world make their relationship dreams come true!”
In the past, I can honestly say that I would have never left for even one day without feeling guilty about it. I don’t know why it is, but, for some reason, as women, we tend to feel guilty about doing the things for ourselves that we enjoy, inspire and lift us up, as if by doing that we are somehow hurting or neglecting our families. And, by the way, this is also true for women who don’t have children. Somewhere along the road putting ourselves, our needs and desires first became “selfish” and unloving.
However, it’s virtually impossible to give and receive love freely if you don’t choose to take care of yourself first –guilt-free! As we always hear on the airplane, we can’t help anyone else until after we’ve put our own oxygen masks on. You simply won’t have the patience, energy, or desire to want to be with or care for anyone else if you feel frazzled, exhausted, and overwhelmed all the time. That’s why it’s important to do the things that you enjoy and help replenish your mind, body, and spirit!
So, what can you do to begin refueling your love and energy tank?
Make a list of the things you really enjoy doing.
Are there things that bring you joy and make you laugh aloud, help you feel peaceful and relaxed, or strengthen and empower you physically, emotionally, or spiritually? Put those things on your list! See if you can create a list of 20 things that you really enjoy. If it’s been so long since you’ve done anything for yourself that you can’t even think of 1, much less 20 things, think back a few years to when you were younger, or single, or first married. What are the things you used to do back then! Oh, and keep most of the items on the list simple and easy for you to do, because you’re going to want to do some of these every day!
Do 2-3 of the things on your list every day.
That’s right! There’s no typo! To have the patience, energy, and willingness to get out there and date or to have peace and intimacy in your home, you need to refuel your love and energy tank daily. It’s not enough to have one day each week or once a month when you go get your hair or nails done, have lunch with a friend, or sit down to read a book. You are living every day, which means you’re giving every day – usually to other people – so it’s important that you put yourself on your list of things to take care of every single day! It may feel difficult or uncomfortable when you first begin, especially if you’re not used to doing anything for yourself, but trust me, once you get used to it, you will see what a difference it makes for you and for the people around you when you are feeling happy, rested, and cared for!
Ditch the guilt!
The guilt you feel when you do something for yourself is self-imposed. And if you are allowing others around you to make you feel guilty, then just know it’s only because you’ve probably trained them to do so, because you haven’t made yourself and your happiness one of your priorities. We teach people how to treat us, and, once your friends, family, and/or begin to see that you are making your happiness and well-being a priority, don’t be surprised if they start to treat you with more Tender Loving Care, too!
Chances are very high that every woman reading this has someone or something for whom she is mainly responsible. And, just to be clear, I’m in no way saying that you should only focus on yourself to the detriment of those around you. What I am saying is that, loving, giving, and caring for others takes time, energy, and patience – none of which are available to us when we’re constantly on “empty” and running on fumes. Denying yourself pleasure and fun doesn’t make you more loving, and it certainly doesn’t make you more lovable. So, to experience the joy of loving and being loved freely and abundantly do yourself and those around you a huge favor, and do what you can every day to make sure your love and energy meter is always on “full”!
Comments? Questions? Let us know below! We love hearing from you!
Be happy with being you. Love your flaws. Own your quirks. And know that you are just as perfect as anyone else, exactly as you are.
~ Ariana Grande
I remember there was a time in my life where I wasn’t really happy being me. During my teenage years, my mom was married to a man who was physically abusive. There was a lot of violence and alcoholism in our home, and I was terrified of anyone – family or friends – finding out what we were going through.
So, for many years I pretended that everything was fine. I always had a smile on my face, was perky and positive. No one would have ever guessed that several nights a week the police had to be called, that there were times when we had to ask neighbors for food so that my sisters and I would have something to eat, or that I often wished I could disappear and become someone else – anyone else but who I was.
Those years took a toll on my self-esteem. Even after my sisters and I were removed from that living situation, I was still afraid that people would know why we lived with our uncle and aunt and why our little sister had to live with her dad. So, I kept pretending. I never let anyone see me cry. I pretended to be strong and have it all together. I fell for the wrong type of guy and believed him when he said that no one else would ever love me. I sincerely believed that if someone knew how “messed up” I was, what all my flaws were, that they would reject and leave me.
It wasn’t until I began to accept myself, to forgive – yes, my mom, stepfather, and ex-boyfriend, but also myself, for all of the mistakes and poor choices I’d made – that I began to see that there was nothing “wrong” with me. I am just as wonderful anyone else! I don’t have to do or be anyone or anything other than who I am. Who I am is more than enough! And who I am is already lovable!
I am just as wonderful anyone else! I don’t have to do or be anyone or anything other than who I am. Who I am is more than enough! And who I am is already lovable!
I don’t know if you can relate to the feeling of wondering whether or not who you are – with all of your assets, flaws, and quirks – is enough. Enough to be loved. Enough to be accepted. Wondering whether if the man who you’re dating or in love with were to discover “that thing” – whatever “that thing” is for you that you keep hidden, covered, and protected – would still choose to love you.
If that’s a thought floating around in your head, I want you really take in what you are about to read.
You are already whole, perfect, compete, and absolutely lovable, just the way you are!
You don’t have to pretend to be someone you’re not.
You don’t have to hide the things about you that you don’t want others to see or know.
The ability to unconditionally love and accept another and to receive unconditional love and acceptance truly begins with being willing to unconditionally love and accept yourself, first!
And I want you to know that the man who chooses to love you is going to love you – all of you. He’s going to love the silly quirks, like the fact that you cry during commercials; wish on a star, just in case it’s true that that works, and never leave an egg by itself in the carton so it won’t be lonely! (Yes, those are my quirks and Ric loves them!) He’s going to love the parts of you that you feel are not pretty or “perfect” enough. And his love will help you heal those parts of your heart that have been broken, dented, and bruised.
Yes, you can choose to change and grow and improve – but not in order to “fix” yourself or be deserving of love – just because you want to become an even more amazing version of you!
Yesterday was Halloween, which is probably one of the more fun holidays, because, for one day, you actually have permission to pretend to be someone other than who you really are!
While dressing up and pretending to be someone you’re not can make Halloween fun, it’s not such a great thing when it comes to dating and relationships. In fact, pretending can be exhausting, and it doesn’t give you or the other person the opportunity to discover whether he’d choose to be with you if you were actually being yourself.
If you want him to fall in love with you, be authentic.
If your online profile or the way you portray yourself to others – especially men – is not an authentic reflection of who you really are, it’s very unlikely that you’re going to attract the type of person who is going to want to create the type of relationship you really desire.
If, while on a date, you’re focusing on what you should say or do to “get him” to like you, instead of listening, responding, and letting him get to know a little bit about the real you, then it’s possible that he may get the feeling that you are holding back or that you don’t want to be there with him.
And, if you’re not being authentic about wanting to be in a committed relationship that leads to marriage; or you’re pretending to be okay with sleeping with him before there’s a real commitment or with living together before you’re engaged or married – or you are in any way, shape or form being untrue to yourself out of the fear that he won’t want to be with you if you share how you really feel, then on how solid a foundation are you building your relationship? And…
For how much longer are you willing to pretend to be someone you’re not?
Not only is pretending inauthentic and exhausting, but it’s likely that you’ll eventually begin to feel resentment. And that resentment will probably be displaced, where you’ll begin to feel resentment toward him for not accepting you the way you are, while what’s really happening is that you’re upset with yourself for not being confident enough to trust that the man who you’re choosing to be with will choose to want to be with and love youjust the way you are.
The truth is that he can’t fall in love with you if you are not there.
So, rather than pretending to be someone you’re not or hiding how you feel and what is true for you, trust in the beauty of who you really are and know that Mr. Right-for-You is going to find you –with all the good, the bad, and the not-so-perfect parts– to be simply irresistible!
Questions? Comments? Let us know below! We love hearing from you!
This weekend, I had the privilege of being invited to speak on a panel at the 2013 Niche Parent Conference. While I was very honored by the invitation, I was also terrified! See, the topic on which I was asked to speak was not dating or relationships – well, at least not the romantic relationships I’m used to speaking about. I was invited to talk about how we’ve used Heart’s Desire International’s Facebook page to connect with our community, establish relationships with our readers and clients, and build our business and our brand.
To say that I felt like I was stepping outside of my comfort zone is a huge understatement! First of all, I’m not a Facebook expert, we don’t have thousands of followers on our page, and I was speaking to an audience of experienced bloggers who may have already known some of the things I was going to share. I was so terrified that two days before the conference I was ready to let the person who invited me know that I just couldn’t do it.
Thankfully, a good friend of mine got me to see (ironically, via a Facebook chat) that I wasn’t invited to speak as a Facebook expert or because of the number of “Likes” on my page. She helped me realize that, while we may not have a ton of “Likes” on our page, we use our page to touch Lives, and that lives are heck of a lot more important than “Likes”!
It was at that moment that I saw clearly how I’d been letting my fear keep me from stepping out and doing something that felt uncomfortable for me. So, what did I do? I thought of YOU! I thought of my readers and my clients and how I’m constantly inviting you to step outside of your comfort zone and not allow your fears to stop you from having the loving, intimate relationship your heart desires. I thought about how I invite and challenge you to take steps that are aligned with your goals and dreams, because it’s what you deserve! And I thought about the types of results you have when you choose to trust me and yourselves and take those risks! So… I chose to follow my own advice!
Here’s a quick video message I shot for you on the terrace of the hotel, sharing what I did to move past my fears, step outside of my own comfort zone, and take a risk that was aligned with my goals!
Thanks again for the inspiration and for being a part of my journey!
P.S. If you haven’t done so yet, please stop by and “Like” our Facebook page! We share inspirational quotes and messages daily, as well as articles, resources, and advice about love, hope and relationships!
Questions? Comments? Let us know below! We love hearing from you!
A very special thanks to Nadia Jones (TheNicheMommy.com) and Parker Lake (Certatim) for the invitation to speak on the panel, Caroline Murphy (SmartyPantsMama.com) for her session on v-logging, which inspired me to get out of another comfort zone and make this on-the-spot video, and all of the mommy bloggers and speakers who inspired me during this amazing conference!
“Unconditional love.” It’s a phrase used often when people are asked to describe what type of love they’d like to experience or what their definition of “true love” is. The truth is, however, that many of us can tend to be veryconditional when it comes to giving and receiving love. We have so many expectations about what love should look like — how it should be demonstrated, and how the other person needs to prove their love for us.
When love is truly unconditional, it means that there are no expectations or rules regarding how it must be given. This means that there wouldn’t be any “formulas” or ultimatums regarding the love, like “If he really loves me, then he would ____ .” The moment we begin to set rules, requirements, and conditions that the love and affection must meet, we have turned our desire for love into an obligation that must be met.
Rather than requiring that love look, sound, or be demonstrated in a particular way, be open and willing to receive the love that is being sent your way. Rather than looking through the lens of it not being “good enough,” receive it graciously, allow yourself feel it and be grateful for it, and then express your gratitude.
And when it comes to giving love to another, it’s also important to let go of the expectations and conditions under which you will demonstrate and give your love. So many times we withhold love, appreciation, and forgiveness, using the withdrawal and absence of our love as a “punishment.” The moment we have the thought that we are not going to show him our love until he says or does something, we are being conditional with our love.
Granted, to be able to give and receive love freely, it’s important that you know that you are in a relationship someone who is good for you – someone who is not cheating on or putting you in any type of physical or emotional danger. Those types of “requirements” are about loving and putting yourself safety and self-care first. But outside of any real physical or emotional danger, if you are with a man who cares for you and gives you the experience of being loved, then there’s absolutely no greater gift that you can give him than accepting him, loving him freely, and receiving the love he gives to you willingly, graciously, and open-heartedly! And the best part about this gift is that being the giver is almost as wonderful as being the recipient!
So, go ahead! Love fully! Love unconditionally!
Questions? Comments? Let us know below! We love hearing from you!
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