by Gladys Diaz

Last week, a “cyber-friend” of mine lost her husband.  Although it was a virtual friendship that started when she heard me speak at a business woman’s networking event, we did create a connection by commenting on one another’s Facebook posts.  Soon after we became FB friends, I learned that her husband had been battling cancer for over 3 years.  Immediately, our connection grew stronger, with me having experienced my late husband’s battle with cancer over 14 years ago.

Whenever she would write about some good news they received, I felt like I was celebrating right along with her.  When they encountered a roadblock or received bad news, I was saddened along with her and tried to send words of hope and encouragement.  A few weeks ago, they were given the news no one wants to hear, that there was nothing else modern medicine could do to treat her husband’s cancer.  I was frightened for her.  I remember hearing those words and being so unwilling to accept them.  I remember praying harder than ever and begging God to keep my late husband alive.  Although I continued to pray for a miracle, I was afraid for her.

Throughout the entire process, she was a pillar of faith, strength, and determination.  We were all in awe of her unshakable faith, her belief in her husband to heal and in God’s ability to heal him, and in the positive attitude she shared with us, inspiring us as she went through the valley of darkness.

When I read the news that he had passed away, I was in the parking lot of Starbucks restaurant and just started weeping.  For a few seconds, I was transported to that moment of loss – the one where I was sure I would not be able to breathe or go on without him in this world.  And I sat in that parking lot and wept for my friend and her daughter.

Over the weekend, she posted and commented on some pictures of them and their daughter.  Each time, I cried.  I just keep imagining the sense of loss, especially in the days right after all of the services have ended, after everyone has left and you’re left wondering how it’s possible that the world keeps spinning and people’s lives keep going, even though yours has fallen apart. And I kept thinking about the void she was probably feeling – the void caused by his absence, and even the void of not having something to worry about (I know it sounds weird, but it’s a common experience for caregivers).

And, as usually happens with me, I began thinking of how this relates to relationships.  We waste so much time arguing about who is going to take out the garbage, about the socks that were left on the floor, about the amount of money we have or don’t have, and about a million little things that, in the light of what’s really important in life and in a relationship mean absolutely nothing.  We spend so much time proving that we’re right and they’re wrong, “protecting” ourselves and keeping the one we love at arm’s length, not being vulnerable or honest, complaining, feeling unhappy and not feeling grateful for what we do have.  We waste so much time… Time my friend would probably give her right arm to have with her husband.

This post isn’t intended to instill fear of losing the one you love.  It’s about taking a moment to appreciate him; to look past the things that upset or disappoint you; and, just for a moment, to be grateful he’s there and that there is time – time to turn it around, time to make better, time to let go of what doesn’t work and create a relationship that does!

As you go throughout today, take just a few minutes and think about the people in your life who you love.  Think about the time that you have and how you’re filling it.  Is it being filled with love, gratitude, peace, and happiness, or are you filing it with the feelings, words, and actions that rob you of these things.  Even if things in your relationship are not exactly where you’d like them to be, I guarantee that there is something good in the relationship, something for which to be grateful… And there’s not time like the present to start working on turning it around!

So what about you?  What will you choose to spend time focusing on today?

Photo credit: Riebart via photopin.com cc